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Show The Park Record A-20 After two suicides, family hopes app will save others SafeUT App seen as one more tool to help kids in need MARJORIE CORTEZ Associated Press WEST JORDAN, Utah – Robyn Burningham says she often wakes up to the thought: “There’s no way this is my life. How did this even happen?” Two years and two days apart, Jim and Robyn Burningham’s sons died by suicide. Taylor, 15, took his life by hanging two days before the start of his sophomore year at West Jordan High School in 2013. On the second day of middle school in 2015, his younger brother Bradley, 14, died the same way. “I feel like we’re the kind of parents that they can come to us with anything. I’m just like, `Why did you choose not to?”’ she said. It is a question she knows has no answer. “That’s the whole thing, the shouldas, the whys. They will eat you alive if you let it.” Burningham said her family doesn’t want another to experience the loss of a loved one to suicide, the Deseret News reported. It is why they consented that a memorial donation from members of St. Paul United Methodist Church of Copperton be used to help spread awareness of the SafeUT cellphone app. The app, which can be downloaded free from the App Store or Google Play, provides youths confidential and anonymous two-way communication with crisis counselors at the University Neuropsychiatric Institute or school staff via one-touch options to “Call Crisisline,” “Chat Crisisline,” or “Submit a Tip.” Help is also available by calling Lifeline at 1-800-2738255, which is also supported by the institute. “I really and truly hope this app will save somebody. I believe it will, after actually looking into it. I think it’s amazing, actually to just have that,” she said. The Burninghams started attending St. Paul’s United Methodist Church after Taylor died. Initially, they attended the small church as part of an assignment for a world religion class Robyn Burningham was taking at the University of Utah, where she’s completing an undergraduate degree in social work. She got extra credit for attending the church service. St. Paul’s was her husband’s great grandmother’s church. “We loved it so that’s when we started going back and back,” she said. The Rev. Carol Loftin, who has ministered to the Burninghams the past few years, was among about 20 clergy who recently attended training on use of the SafeUT app and crisis response offered by Utah Attorney General Sean Reyes, Sen. Daniel Thatcher, R-West Valley City, and the University Neuropsychiatric Institute. “I think it was really good. I think you need to have a constant reassessment or re-evaluation of how you’re going to react in those situations – things to say, things not to say, what kind of probing questions you should ask,” the Rev. Loftin said. She said her seminary and counseling training prepared her well to support her congregation under most circumstances, but the Burningham family’s loss has been profound. “You just don’t know how Submit event recaps, photos and news about local clubs/groups/nonprofits to arts@parkrecord.com hard it is until you have to walk with someone,” she said. The SafeUT app gives clergy another tool to better connect with youth, she said. “They’re always on their phone. It’s easier for them to click an app than go talk to mom, or the teacher or the pastor. This helps build an awareness that they can have this app but also, that with their pastors being involved and carrying it, it makes the pastors more approachable to talk to as well,” the Rev. Loftin said. By sharing information about the app and crisis services in general, it tells youth that the issue is important to clergy and that they want to prevent suicide, too. “If they know that, then they’re more willing to come to you if they have those problems because they know that you’re interested and you’ll pay attention and listen to them,” she said. The app was introduced about six months ago and appears to have been well received, said Thatcher, a state lawmaker behind the effort. “What makes SafeUT so exceptional is that we’ve found a way to connect the people who are in crisis with those who can help,” Thatcher said. “Suicide is the single deadliest crisis facing our youth. With the SafeUT mobile app, an anonymous chat, text or call could save your life or the life of someone you love. It’s the only way we can tackle something of this magnitude.” Barry Rose, crisis services manager for the University Neuropsychiatric Institute, said about 1,000 people have contacted the institute via the app since its launch, resulting in 12,000 exchanges between texters and the CrisisLine. “Some are just a couple of exchanges when someone wants a referral and others can go on for hours,” Rose said. Youths seem more comfortable talking about their feelings through texts, he said. “We’re getting real, honest feelings that they may not be able to express over the phone,” he said. The SafeUT app, funded by the Utah Legislature, has enabled users and CrisisLine workers to “have very important conversations with people we may not have been able to talk with before. It’s a really terrific addition to what we are doing,” Rose said. Burningham said it is difficult to know if the app would have made a difference for her sons. They insisted that all of their children eat family dinner every night and they have attempted to instill in them a sense that they could come to them with any problem or question. The family has sought the help of therapists to help them deal with their loss and move on with their lives. The couple has two younger daughters, Hailey, 13, and Gwenie, 9. “They deserve better than us just moping around. It kind of feels like you’re living a fake life though, because we do get up and go to work and all that. But on the inside you’re just broken. But it is what it is. But there’s no choice,” she said. The Burninghams were able to donate their sons’ organs, tissues and eyes for transplant, which provided some consolation. “You know with Bradley, right after, one of the ladies that got one of his kidneys was a single mom from North Carolina. She asked the donor place to give us the message that just said, `Thanks for the gift of a better life. I promise to take care of it.’ He lives on in her and her family doesn’t have to feel this. It was good,” she said. It helps but there is an inescapable void in all of their lives, she said. There are constant reminders that their lives have been forever changed, such as when the family goes out to eat and a server asks how many seats they need or when people who used to stop and chat with the family of six in the grocery store but “now they will now look at us, make eye contact and turn around and go the other way. “People will say they don’t know what to say to you. I get that, but we’re still just people. When they’re avoiding us, it makes us feel like they’re judging us. They don’t have to bring it up, but don’t avoid us.” Each in their own way is finding ways to cope with their loss. This summer, Burningham and her daughters have decided to start each day taking a walk together or going swimming. “My daughters and I have decided we’re going to try to see how many miles we can walk this summer while they’re off track. So we got up this morning and did it. We just started yesterday. Yesterday we walked 2.3 miles and today we walked 3.2. We’ll see,” she said. Hailey attended the same middle school as Bradley, who had just started the ninth grade when he died and she was in the seventh grade. “She’s a strong-willed little girl and his friends really did take good care of her. They looked after her,” Burningham said “She had wanted one of those `Be the voice. Stop suicide’ shirts from the (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention) forever. And I just kept thinking, `You’re not going to wear this, there’s no way. People already know and you’re going to like draw more attention to yourself.’ We finally got her one and she wears it. She wears it proudly.” In Utah, suicide is the leading cause of death among people ages 10 to 19, according to the Utah Department of Health’s Violence and Injury Prevention Program. On average, 37 youths die from suicide and 942 are injured in a suicide attempt each year. “In fact, the number of teens taking their own lives exceeds the next three teen causes of death all combined,” Reyes said. Asked what she wants people to know about Taylor and Bradley, Burningham said, “They were really good boys that just made a bad decision. I guess I wish these kids could just see that although stuff seems bad right then, it’s just right then. These are irrational, impulsive decisions.” While rates of youth suicides in Utah have increased in recent years, Rose said the suicide deaths of siblings are rare. “Unfortunately, (youth suicide) is becoming much too common. That’s one of the main reasons we’re doing this and the Legislature gave us money to provide another resource to try to make an impact in our state,” he said. Rose said he was likewise grateful for the contribution from the Burninghams and their church, which was used to print calling cards about the app, including numbers for the CrisisLine. The Rev. Loftin said the family hopes to raise awareness of crisis services so they can help others. “You take something that is so devastating, I mean I still cry about it almost on a daily basis, too, and you turn it in to helping others,” she said of the family’s support of the SafeUT app. “I hope and pray that this helps. I hope so,” Burningham said. Sat/Sun/Mon/Tues, July 2-5, 2016 More Dogs on Main By Tom Clyde Howard Beale’s Fourth of July While we all chill out for the Fourth of July barbecue, world events continue. An airport bombing in Istanbul, at an airport busier than Brussels, was news for about 12 hours, and then we moved on. Apparently terrorist attacks in Turkey don’t matter, though the dead people might see that differently. But it was in Turkey, and you have to expect such things there. By the way, Turkey is part of NATO, and in theory, an act of war against any NATO member is an act of war against the U.S. Do we have any of the good mustard for those hotdogs? Also this week, Iraqi forces with an undefined level of U.S. backing re-took the city of Fallujah from ISIS, and think they will soon be able to retake Mosul. Didn’t we already take Fallujah a couple of times? I saw the article on Fallujah in the Salt Lake Tribune. It was on the second page in one of those boxes of one-paragraph stories that ranged from the war to flooding to dogs finding their owners after long separations. If we’re going to have a war, we ought to care enough to put it on the front page. We’re 15 years into the Iraq-Afghanistan-Yemen-Pakistan-and-anyplace-else-we-feellike-bombing war. Congress won’t even discuss it. Nobody can describe what our goal is, or how we would recognize a victory if it hit us in the face. But we continue to send U.S. troops there, serving in ill-defined missions. They’re not quite in combat positions, but are suffering real combat consequences. They are getting maimed and killed, and it’s reported on page 2 in a format that looks like the comics. There’s something really wrong about that. Do you want ice cream with your apple pie? Europe is reeling from the vote in the United Kingdom to leave the European Union. For geographically challenged Americans, the U.K. is England, Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland (not Ireland). The EU is comprised of most of Europe and functions under a set of uniform trading and economic standards. It’s not quite a United States of Europe, and functions about as efficiently as 26 independent nations trying to agree on standards for food labels can. In a close vote, the U.K. voted to leave. They called it the “Brexit.” The urban financial centers and Scottish manufacturing areas voted to stay in. The British equivalent of the American rust belt voted overwhelmingly to leave. The establish- If we’re going to have a war, we ought to care enough to put it on the front page.” ment politicians seem stunned. Even some of those who voted to leave didn’t really want to; they said they just wanted to send a message that they were mad as hell and weren’t going to take it anymore. The world is having its Howard Beale moment. Howard Beale is the fictional news anchor who went crazy in the movie “Network.” He threatened to commit suicide on air to improve ratings, and the network encouraged it. It’s an old movie that is so current it could have been made yesterday. There are parallels between the rise of Donald Trump and the Brexit vote. Both seem to come from a deep-seated anger among a large group of people who have been ignored in the political process for a genera- tion. It’s partly their own fault for not actively participating and voting. But in the end, a generation ago a family could live comfortably on the income from one decent job. They are now struggling to make it with both parents working, sometimes with multiple jobs. They blame it on globalism, free trade, immigrants, big banks, Wall Street shenanigans, technology and a dozen other things. It all contributes, but in the end, the working class appears to be having their lives averaged with those in Bangladesh. And while the rest of us can feel good about lifting people in Bangladesh out of squalor (slightly), it’s come at a cost to others who are justifiably angry. So while the pundits on TV seem to be stunned by the vote in the U.K., it doesn’t seem all that stunning. It’s a little bit like a bar fight. There was nothing that really started it. Somebody was just deeply pissed off at the world in general, and chose to punch the first nose that presented itself. And the brawl is on. I hear the Democrats talking about the Trump campaign being under-staffed, underfinanced, disorganized, and as chaotic as the candidate himself. They confidently compare that to Clinton’s well-funded and smoothly running machine. By that logic, Clinton should be way ahead in the polls. She isn’t. The same anger factor that has plunged Europe into chaos could show up to vote here. We really need to be paying attention. But that said, I’ll have another helping of potato salad and maybe just one more hotdog. It’s the Fourth of July. Tom Clyde practiced law in Park City for many years. He lives on a working ranch in Woodland and has been writing this column since 1986. Sunday in the Park By Teri Orr The global campfire I never attended a summer camp as a child. My single mother in California, working various different jobs as a “secretary,” couldn’t make it happen. I spent much of my life envying folks who told me stories of their idyllic summers at camp. This week I have been in Banff at a kind of summer camp I could’ve never imagined until now. Sixty countries represented first by 350 people for two days and then joined by another 400 for the next five days. TED Summit in Banff allowed for us to slow down and engage our brains in an international setting while looking inward and outward and all around, altogether. We were at the largest center for the arts of its kind in the world — the Banff Center, with acres and acres set in the forest surrounded by mountains with multiple theaters and workshop spaces all with glass walls. A long, sloping grassy hill and an amphitheater with a starry night backdrop. There were rivers that crisscrossed the town and ravens landing and taking off with precision. We were, after all, in the center of a national park. Some of the most beloved TED speakers of the past few years were there not to speak but to add to the flavor of the event. Nobody cared what you wore. Endless food was provided and live music was a part of every evening. But, as you would expect from any TED event, the main attraction was the speakers. With topics ranging from orphan diseases to investigative journalism to a few impromptu open letters about Brexit, we became a global family for a week. And upon leaving, we once again felt we had stamped our global citizenship passports. So much better than a duffel bag of popsicle stick crafts, we return with ideas. We are thinking about things we might have never considered before. Or confirmations of whispers of thoughts we felt we alone had. Or glimpses at inspirational humans working hard, very hard, to right a wrong, expose a wrong, consider what wrong even looks like. The question I can never answer after a TED event is that “who was your favorite speaker” thingy. Or your most impactful conversation? The TED moment? Because the secret sauce of what TED cooks up is the ability to amaze and bedazzle with a fair amount of consistency. And the quiet talk about someone’s child, or lover, or start-up can all seem the most important conversation you have, until it turns out, the next conversation tops that one. New words appear like “connect-ography.” A new way of explaining how our connections create a borderless country. Expressions from other countries that ring true, like, “Anyone who wants to see the sunlight clearly needs to wipe his own eyes first.” And explanations of the human condition that push us to reconsider what we thought we understood. So much better than a duffel bag of popsicle stick crafts, we return with ideas. We are thinking about things we might have never considered before.” There was a young woman who appeared in a wheelchair to speak about her orphan disease that compromised her healthy life just five years ago, in her late twenties, after she was newly married. Jen Brea has a version of chronic fatigue syndrome, which was initially diagnosed as a kind of psychosomatic illness. There are days, weeks, months, when she cannot leave home. Coming to the conference to speak came at great personal cost. Before she took the stage, host Tom Reilly told us that loud noises could be jarring for her and even though we might feel like clapping (as a rule we give great audience) we needed instead to clap using American Sign Language which translates to a kind of jazz hands, high above your head. When Jen’s talk concluded, we stood and silently waved our hands for minutes while she softly teared up... and so did we. When Gerard Ryle, the director of the International Consortium of Investigative Journalists in Washington, D.C., spoke, he told the “how” behind the release of the Panama Papers. How more than 300 journalists in 76 countries worked as a team for months in silence collaborating to verify the more than 11.5 million leaked documents representing over 40 years of corruption with tentacles in dozens of countries. It has all the makings of a breathless thriller of a movie. How they agreed they would all release the information they had about corruption in each of their countries, on the same day, at the same time. Unprecedented in the history of journalism. But just the moments — like the night at dinner when I was seated next to a guy from Seaworld and an archeologist from Peru, and two people, just meeting, of Chinese backgrounds. When the older Chinese man asked his much younger, female seatmate if her husband also spoke Mandarin, she laughed and said no, but he can order Mandarin. When the man from Peru learns my line of work, he says he used to be the minister of culture in his country and did I know a certain Peruvian musical/dance group? I confessed I did not. So he pulls out his iPhone and clicks on YouTube and digs a pair of earphones out of his pocket and suddenly I am watching this most colorful performance, in the middle of this very fancy restaurant. For now, here’s the one thing I am certain of: I needed to have had a long life behind me to have been ready to go to camp. I’ll be unpacking for months to come, starting this Sunday in the Park... Teri Orr is a former editor of The Park Record. She is the director of the Park City Institute, which provides programming for the George S. and Dolores Doré Eccles Center for the Performing Arts. |