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Show DAILY1 HERALD B2 Dress code request not out of line Silence couldput spouse at risk Carolyn: for divorce. abuse of prescription drugs. Do I let my spouse's family Tfenow oftheabuse sc can be on watch, or will they thmk J am an angry, resentful ex? There are children involved whom I don't want alienated by my as well as its duration. This was not a country with which I am unfamiliar, as we have hosted the same type of reception there for many years. The embassy eventually dropped its attempts to control our reception, but I feel compelled to ask your counsel Can the embassy do this? The invitees at the reception were a combination of local business people and government officials. I should also add that I told the embassy that they s. Carolyn Hax I say that because silence is not a real choice. Continued, unmonitored drug abuse would put your spouse and children at risk of physical harm; that trumps the emo- tional risk. Hi, Carolyn! I have a question that has been bugging rne for a long time: How do you help friends talk about something difficult, without risking the possibility that if you hadn't brought it up, they never would have had that difficult thought in the first place? For example: my best friend recently went into early labor. I know many women in this situation would (inap- - s' Country X attempted to dic- tate the dress for the reception Ohio only play. way. We both come from moral families that uphold traditional most proud. views on sex and marriage. Certainly a United States Knowing my future embassy can insist that people views on such matters, should they have the right to question entering it not be dressed in such a way as to undermine our intentions or the physical the dignity of the venue. For part of our relationship? Is it that matter, so can any Ameri- - really any of their business? GENTLE READER can restaurant or boardwalk No, but souvenir shop that puts up a they will anyway. Miss Mansign saying "No shirt, no shoes, ners recommends blushing, no service." looking down and mumbling, "I'm sorry, but I was brought But, of course, what specifically meets the criteria and up never to mention such what does not is subject to things." Tears and running wide interpretation and, we from the room would help. Your fiance will have a hardhope, peaceful and polite neer time, since they brought gotiation. That you were able to have the code removed sug- him up, but he can plead that gests that you took this option discussing that would be a viomodlation of the successfully. The particular code you esty that he treasures in you. were originally given may well have been unreasonable. The Miss Manners' newest mere existence of a dress code book is "No Vulgar Hotel: is not. The Desire and Pursuit DEAR MISS MANNERS of Venice," written under My fiance and I are both in our her real name, Judith early 20s, eagerly awaiting our Martin. Address your wedding date. We have made a etiquette questions to decision to wait until our wedMissMannersunitedmedia. ding night before "going all the com of ficial delegations to foreign countries. While in these countries, my group sometimes hosts receptions where we pay for the food and drink and the meeting place. I recently encountered a My spouse is involved with on the defensive? And if so, have they always been like that, or did you put them there? If it's their standard MO to receive bad news with their dukes up and punish innocent kids for it then there's some insight into your spouse's problem right there. It's also a warning to shield your children by enlisting the help of an envoy. Think of the one person in your spouse's family whom you know to be more reasonable ... there's always one, isn't there? ... and tell that person. Explain, too, your reasons for sharing this way. Absolute transparency is the only card you can play. If, on the other hand, their history with you would be the cause of their skepticism, then you need to acknowledge that history upfront. In other words: eat dirt. Make it clear you wouldn't blame them for suspecting ulterior motives, but that, given the serious circumstances, you hope they choose instead to trust you. Again, transparency is your vhen they are not permitted to attend school displaying the body parts of which they are DEARMISS.MANNERS is Are your Wednesday, May 30. 2007 Tell Me About It propriatelyunfairly) blame themselves for a premature birth. If my friend is feeling that, it's something I think she would want to talk about, and 1 want to make it easier for her by bringing it up. However, if she isn't feeling that, I certainly don't want to send the message that she should be! I often find that many months later, friends bring up topics that I ' was afraid to raise, and then 1 wish I had been there for them at the time. Thoughts? Trying to Be a Good Friend could invite some people if it would be to their advantage to do so. Do the normal rules apply here, or are they suspended when we work overseas and Judith Martin Miss Manners with the government?, GENTLE READER Dictate dress? Are we talking about a ban on and with slogans? Or a requirement that the ladies cover all but their eyes? Probably neither, but Miss Manners knows better than to take a position on dress codes until she knows what they are and when they apply. She has received too many letters on the subject from teenagers who are indignant about the injury to their civil rights flip-flo- Patterns in human diseases saying this to be cruel: The trick of raising difficult issues is to be comfortI am not few academic folks transfusions or organ trans- eases do this. Most of the temperate diseases (1215) cause short-liveStage Two are those that have invaded humans natuacute sicknesses. The victim ing, Wilson would be among those few. But right behind either recovers or dies within rally but are not (yet) passed them come folks such as the from human to human; for a few days or weeks. These do not characteristically have University of California, Los example, anthrax, tularemia, latent periods after which they rabies, West Nile virus. Angeles's Jared Diamond, can widely known for his books Stage Three are those that Only three of the such as "The Third Chimpan10 tropical diseases behave successfully invade humans, zee; Guns, Germs, and Steel"; this way. Three others last for manage to keep infections and, more recently, "Collapse." weeks to years, and four last going with transmissions beDiamond operates in many tween humans, but only for a for "many months or decades." different academic fields. Infew generations before dying Further, 10 or 11 of the 15 out: for example, Ebola and deed, it seems he is housed in diseases have temperate-zon- e Science & Society Marburg viruses. a different department every progressed to Stage Five; couple of years. Originally an only three of the 10 tropical Stage Four (with three that we'll not delineate) diseases have done so. The ornithologist and evolutionDiamond and friends are inare conditions that regularly reasons for these intriguing ary biologist, he has passed terested in broader patterns. infect humans from animal differences are not really clear through faculty positions at the medical school and holds sources but which still have, but certainly of great medical They collect a sample of 15 and 10 tropitemperate-zon- e interest. joint positions in the Departimportant parts of their life ments of Geography and Encal diseases, the major ones of cycle in animal populations: Ten of the 15 temperate-zon- e vironmental Health Sciences. c for example, yellow fever, diseases are history. Then they pose such And those lead to his latest diseases" they questions as to why Europeans Chagas's disease, dengue could bring such devastating fever, influenza A, cholera, paper, published with two codepend on large numbers of authors in the May 17 issue of diseases to the native inhabithumans to be maintained. So typhus. Nature. ants of the New World but the these have entered humanity Stage Five includes those This probes "Origins of New World had essentially that have become totally only since agriculture was none to reciprocate. And why adapted to humans and no lon- developed about 11,000 years Major Human Infectious Diseases" but is not a catalog of have so many diseases come ger have known animal hosts. ago. Before that time humans individual diseases. Typically, to humans from Old World This list includes measles, were not sufficiently concendomestic animals but none mumps, rubella, smallpox and trated to sustain the diseases. have come from New World syphilis. Contrarily, no tropical disdomestics? Then come some interesting ease is dependent on human They begin by identifying syntheses. A higher proportion crowds. five progressive stages by of tropical diseases (810) are There's more, but we'll leave which microorganisms make a carried by insects; only 215 that readers' infrom temperate diseases are so car- terests. Nature is readily availfully successful host-shianimals to humans. Stage One ried. Temperate-zon- e diseases able in libraries. characterizes diseases which g (1115) tend to generate do not make that transition I Duane Jeffery is a professor immunity in victims who survive the initial attack; of zoology at Brigham naturally but do under artificial conditions such as blood only two of the 10 tropical dis- - Young University. Very able doing it. It's not your only option, though, which is fortunate given how few of us are naturals at it. You can also have the tact not to raise these things, and instead establish yourself, over time, as someone who is there, who listens, who doesn't judge, and who therefore chips away at the kind of fear that makes people keep to themselves, As they trust you more, they can come to you on their own. Or, not. Maybe the most important thing you can do is trust them, and recognize that sometimes people deal with things in their own way, in their own time, and appreciate friends who don't push. household Einstein, Hawk- plants. Duane Jeffery sub-stag- "crowd-epidemi- "Tell Me About It'": tellmewashpost.com; or write: "Tell Me About It," The Washington Post, Style Plus, 1150 15th St., NW, Washington, D.C. do 20071. ft Location long-lastin- Disc Herniation? Volkswagens - UTAH Anti-Wrink- Breakthrough! SPECIAL. Many women with signs of aging want to have a face-li- ft or botox. 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