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Show Sunday. May 13, 2007 DAILY HERALD TODAY IN HISTORY 1 Today is Sunday, May 13, 133rd day of 2007. There 232 days left in the year. This is Mother's Day. Today's Highlight in History: On May 13, 1607, English colonists arrived by ship at the site of what became the Jamestown settlement in Virginia (the colonists went ashore the next day). On this date: In 1846, the United States declared that a state of war the are WARNING SOME MATERIAL NOT SUITABLE FOR SERIOUS PEOPLE Don't feed the tourists This classic DAVE BARRY column was originally published June 18, 1995 j time for Part Two of series on the It's dramatic my and-abo- Alaskan Adventure trip I took earlier this spring. As you recall, in Part One I recounted the events of my first day in Alaska, during which virtually nothing happened. This leads us to: DAY TWO: I woke up, in a nervous mood because I knew this was the day that I would boldly leave the hotel altogether and armed with nothing brand stronger than Certs breath mints-fac- e a polar bear. This can be extremely dangerous. Polar bears are fiercely ag- hunters gressive that weigh upwards of 1,000 pounds and can run down a horse. The only real hope 1 had for surviving this encounter was the fact that this particular polar bear lives in the Anchorage Zoo. Frankly, it struck me as pretty strange that Anchorage even bothers to have a zoo, seeing as how, as I noted in Part One of this series, there are already plenty of large and sometimes hostile animals wandering around the city. You could easily have a situation where you'd be unable to go to the zoo to see the moose or bears because there was a non-zoe moose or bear standing on your patio. Fortunately, I had no trouble getting to the zoo, and I soon meat-eatin- g free-lanc- found myself face-to-fa- with the zoo's star polar bear, Binky, who, in terms of size, is basically a Winnebago motor home with teeth. Binky became a major news story in Alaska last year when, on separate occasions a few weeks apart, he attempted to eat two people. The victims, both of whom survived, had climbed over two fences to get close to Binky's cage. One of them was an Australian tourist, who said she climbed the fences because Binky's cage still is not particularly well protected. It would Barney Vincelette, who autism renders sickening to him, has been feuding for several years with neighbors in Houston, Del, over their rock music. At first, he invented his own according to an April profile in the Wilmington News Journal, but a judge curtailed its use. Subsequently, he recorded g sounds of his own (including a foghorn) and had them written out as music ("Sonata for Calliope of Truck Horns About to Be Transcribed for Locomotive Horns Opus No. 1"), at which point the judge decided that permitting the neighbors' Bon Jovi but not Vincelette's sonata amounted to selective law enforcement, and the feuders settled their differences. (Vincelette, by the way, lives in a house shaped like a flying saucer.) sound-jamme- An excellent pilot, as it turned out. Lambert gave us a terrific tour, swooping along mountain peaks and valleys, giving us all kinds of fascinating information about glaciers, FEEDING: 3 p.m.). which are forgive me if I I myself did not get anyget technical for a moment where near Binky, because I giant wads of ice caused d wanted to stay in peak, by geology. At one point, we landed on a rocky outcrop physical condition for the strenuous activities next to a particularly scenic scheduled for the final day of glacier, and there, many miles from the nearest convenience my Alaskan Adventure, also known as: store, we had lunch. As we sat DAY THREE: The big event there, contemplating one of the of Day Three was a helicopter she wanted to take a close-u- p most overwhelmingly beautitour of some glaciers, arful views I've ever seen, Craig photograph; she wound up with her leg in Binky's mouth. said something call it an inranged by speaking of getI saw a videotape of the attack, ting chomped by bears Ansight; call it a revelation that taken by another zoo visitor, chorage Daily News columnist struck a responsive chord deep in my soul. showing several men beating Craig Medred, who, as you on Binky with sticks through recall from Part One of this "I had this flight billed to the cage bars, trying to make series, is an outdoorsperson so The Anchorage Daily News," him let the woman go. You can rugged that he makes Davy he said, "but they don't know tell that the woman was think- Crockett look like Martha it yet." Stewart. That's the kind of bold, "can-do- " ing, "Next time, I am definitely After receiving a safety going to Disney World." spirit that makes Alaska If there is one fundamental what it is today, and if you're briefing from our pilot, Lambert DeGavere, we took off the kind of person who enjoys unifying principle of human from the Anchorage airport nature, I urge you to visit "The psychology, it is that everyand headed for the mountains. Land of the Midnight Sun" so one, everywhere, regardless of age, gender, religion or I am not a religious person, that you can experience, firstethnic origin, hates tourists. So but as I viewed the spectacular hand, the mountains, the glawhen Binky chewed on one, above ciers, the rivers and panorama of breathtaking he instantly became a major all the zoo. Binky's getting scenery below, I could not celebrity, like Kato Kaelin, but help but ask myself, "What hungry. with a higher IQ. Alaskans fell in love with a f reeze-fram- e 513 video picture, taken by a local TV news cameraman, showing Binky wandering around his cage, looking a little wistful with the Australian woman's sneaker in his mouth. Entrepreneurs put this image on which still sell by the thousands, along with all kinds of other Binky merchandise (one woman showed me a pin she was wearing - a little white polar bear with a little silver sneaker in its mouth). Binky was sleeping when I arrived at his cage, but after a few minutes he got up and started engaging in routine bear behavior such as yawning, pacing around, diving in his pool, phoning his agent, etc. I could not help but notice that Dave Barry his right ear. (2) After a vicious attempted carjacking in March, Australian was an sent to Fremantle Hospital in Perth, where surgeons removed a screwdriver embedded in his face. r, super-annoyin- The continuing crisis I The Santa Clara Valley Transportation Authority, which operates mass transit just south of San Francisco, and whose employees stage about three dozen office parties a year, issued 33 pages of specifications in January to invite local companies to bid on a contract to supply sheet cakes. The winning bidder must be versatile enough to of fer cakes in 11 specified flavors, 16 fillings, five icings and sue toppings (but must also carry $3 million in liability insurance!). I Peru's Emilio Cordova, 15, won the South American chess championship in January, but rather than wind up a chess- obsessed nerd, he flew from the tournament site in Argentina to Sao Paulo, Brazil, and moved in with a stripper. After Emilio's two months in the fast lane, his father, with government help, went to Sao Paulo and snatched him back. Yikes! (1) After a street assault in old New January, a Zealander was rushed to Wellington Hospital to have surgeons remove his car key, which was embedded behind 'Lambertr be pretty easy for a tourist to hop over the two low fences, get to the cage and become Purina Bear Chow. It's almost as though the zoo wants this to happen (NEXT TOURIST News of the Weird Awesome! I ( 1) Mexico City taxi driver Manuel Quiroz was seeking a sponsor earlier this year for his pursuit of the world contest. Supposedly, he can guzzle dozens of them at one sitting and even harmlessly squeeze their juice into his eyes. (2) In February, Dublin, Ireland, software engineer Michael Killian demonstrated his sideways-travelinbicycle, in which a rider sits and pedals facing perpendicular to front and back, with each hand controlling a wheel, e.g., squeezing the right handlebar and pedaling moves the bike Actor-comedia- '; ). The Associated Press HOROSCOPE EUGENIA CELEBRITIES DAY: Hunter LAST, SUNDAY, MAY 13, BORN ON THIS Parrish, 20; Ste- phen Colbert, 43; Dennis Rodman, 46; Stevie Wonder, 57. Happy Birthday: Be the one who calls the shots this year, instead of dancing to everyone else's music. If you want things to go your way, speak up and tell everyone what it is you want. Nothing is out of reach but being lethargic will make your mission impossible. Your numbers are 8, 20, 28,36,39,42. Fetishes on parade Michael Derenberger, 40, was charged with illegal voyeurism in Hernando, Fla., in March after being caught sticking a long pole with a hook on it through a girl's bedroom window, to pull down her comforter as she slept. ARIES (March 19): Your emotional response will determine what you get and what you don't so be careful how you deal with everyone around you and the situations you face. Take your time and let others do their thing. 3 Least competent criminals TAURUS Not Ready for Prime Time: Aaron Hudgins, 26, and Ruan Rucker, 24, were reported missing and presumed lost inside a coal mine in Kanawha County, W.Va., in April and (1) search-and-rescu- since-repeale- d , y n (1927-1996- prosecutors showed jurors the key to the Ryder truck used to blow up the Alfred e after a operation, they were pulled out 24 hours later. They had no time to be grateful, though, for they Ewwwww! were immediately arrested beStewart Laidlaw, 35, was cause the sheriff said they had banished from Thirsty Kirsty's gone into the mine only to try to find copper to steal. (2) Two pub in Dunfermline, Scotland, in March, following numerous men walked into a postal anrightward. nex in Portland, Ore., in April Hn March three homeless complaints about his excessive flatulence. (A shocked Laidlaw men were awarded $10,000 with one wielding a folding said no one had complained each in a settlement with the pocket knife, and announced a robbery. However, seconds city of Las Vegas because they before, but conceded that was were arrested in November for probably because cigarette later, the employees began ordismoke had been masking the violating a laughing as the man with the nance. The men had been cited odor until Scotland's recent knife couldn't get the blade for "illegally" sleeping within out with his thumbnail, and the smoking baa) And in Decem500 feet of public urine or feces ber, an American Airlines flight pair fled. made an emergency step in (a restriction the city thought would drive the homeless to Nashville, Tena, when pasUpdates isolated parts of town to relieve sengers reported the smell of themselves andor to sleep.) burning matches in the cabin. A Beijing continues its female passenger was found to (In December, New York City upgrade camhave been lighting them at her panhandler Eddie Wise won paign to impress visitors when seat in an effort to vanquish her the Olympic Games open in $100,000 from the city when a judge ruled he had been illegally flatulence odors. August 2008. In February, the arrested 27 times under a law city designated the 11th of each that had been ruled unconstitumonth as "voluntary wait in wild Principals gone tional in 1992.) line'' day to begin training ChiIn February in Bethlehem, nese to queue up for services in middle school principal an orderly fashion rather than Pa., ideas Bright John Acerra was arrested and by their customary chaotic I In breathtaking attention charged with selling crystal swarming. In April, retired resmeth from his office (but not to taurateur Guo Zhangi began a to detail reminiscent of the movie "The Great Escape," students) (and when arrested program offering people monsome inmates at Michigan's in his office, after hours, he ey (the equivalent of 25 cents was reportedly nude). And in Kinross Correctional Facility each) to bring in dead flies. Also in April guidelines were chipped through 8 inches of April, in Lorain, Ohio, principal Robert Hofloway resigned after issued for taxi drivers, calling concrete, then continued tunneling until they had cleared apparently too eagerly deliver- -' for a two-dasuspension for cabbies who spit or smoke, the f acUity's two external walls ing on a wager. He had bet with some boys on a student-staf- f havebadbreathor dress garby an extra 25 feet, but then a an ishly. (Taxi drivers in Shanghai volleyball game and lost, guard spotted irregularity near a cell wall and discovered and then paid off as agreed by have been issued special sacks the operation. When stopped in kissing the boys' feet (but he to spit in, housed on the dashwas too much into it, the boys March, the inmates were only board, to break their custom of 6 feet away (straight up) from thought). spitting out the window.) g two-third- two-third- by Chuck Shepherd freedom. (As in the movie, their greatest accomplishment was figuring out how to dispose of all that dug-ou- t dirt without being noticed.) To get her reluctant terrier "Missy" to eat dog food, Elaine Larabie decided to be a role model and eat some herself, after which, Missy indeed began nibbling at it. The next day, both Larabie and Missy were in Ottawa, Ontario, hospitals, vomiting and foaming at the mouth. The incident occurred in March, during the first days of the alert over pet food, and doctors suspected that as the culprit, but no definitive conclusion was reported in the press, and both Larabie and Missy recovered. away car. Five years ago: President George Bush announced that he and Russian President Vladimir Putin would sign a treaty to shrink their countries' nuclear arsenals by President Bush signed a $190 billion farm bill guaranteeing higher subsidies to growers in Midwestern already existed against Mexico. and Southern states. In BaltiIn 1917, three peasant chilmore, Dontee Stokes shot and wounded the Rev. Maurice dren near Fatima, Portugal, reported seeing a vision of the Blackwell, a Roman Catholic Virgin Mary. priest. (Stokes, who accused Blackwell of sexually abusing In 1918, the first U.S. airhim as a boy, was later acquitmail stamps, featuring a picted of attempted murder, but ture of a Curtiss JN4 biplane, was convicted of gun charges were introduced with a face value of 24 cents, (On some of and sentenced to house arthe stamps, the biplane was rest.) One year ago: Former the "inprinted upside-dowPresidents George Bush and verted Jenny," as it came to Bill Clinton helped Tulane Unibe called, instantly became a collector's item.) versity celebrate its "miracle" In 1940, in his first speech commencement, nine months after Hurricane Katrina put as prime minister of Britain, s of the campus Winston Churchill told the House of Commons, "I have under water and scattered students to more than 600 nothing to offer but blood, schools nationwide, toil, tears and sweat." In 1954, President Dwight Today's Birthdays: Actress D. Eisenhower signed into Beatrice Arthur is 85. Critic law the St. Lawrence Seaway Clive Barnes is 80. Actor Buck Taylor is 69. Actor Development Act. In 1954, the musical "The Harvey Keitel is 68. Author Charles Baxter is 60. Actor Pajama Game" opened on Broadway. Franklyn Ajaye is 58. Actress Zoe Wanamaker is 58. Singer In 1958, Vice President Stevie Wonder is 57. Actress Richard Nixon's limousine was battered by rocks thrown Julianne Phillips is 47. Basketdemonstrators in ball player Dennis Rodman is by anti-U.46. Caracas, Venezuela. Stephen In 1968, a one-da- y Colbert is 43. Actor Tom general strike took place in France in Verica is 43. Country singer support of student protesters. Lari White is 42. Singer Darius Rucker (Hootie and the In 1981, Pope John Paul II was shot and seriously Blowfish) is 41. Actress Susan wounded in St. Peter's Square Floyd is 39. Actress Samantha by Turkish assailant Mehmet Morton is 30. Rock musician Ali Agca. Mickey Madden (Maroon 5) In 1985, a confrontation be- is 28. tween Philadelphia authorities Thought for Today: "When and the radical group MOVE your mother asks, 'Do you ended as police dropped an want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't explosive onto the group's matter if you answer yes headquarters; 11 people died in the resulting fire. or no. You're going to get it Ten years ago: At the OklaErma Bombeck, anyway." homa City bombing trial, American humorist the heck kind of pilot is named mfP Murrah federal building, alleging Timothy McVeigh left it behind in the same alley he'd picked to stash his getP. (April y 20): It's best to keep things to yourself for now. Money will slip through your fingers if you are trying to impress someone who likes to live the high life. Limitations and frustrations can be expected when dealing with elders or children. 3 stars GEMINI (May 21 June 20): A love interest may not turn out to be what you think today. Take care of your health by putting some time aside for much needed rest and relaxation. If you meddle in other people's affairs, expect to be blamed for the outcome. 4 stcirs CANCER (June 21 July 22): You can expect to get things done but, if you give in to the emotional whims of others, you can expect to lose out. It's OK to lend a helping hand but only once you have finished doing for yourself. -- -- 2 StcLTS LEO 22): Call (July the shots before someone else tries to. You have to be quick and to the point in order to stay in control. Don't spend impulsively. You have plenty to offer other than cash. 5 stors VIRGO (Aug. 22): You may be worried about someone who is living a little close to the edge. Trying to change this person will be futile, so dont criticize or complain. Lovingly watching over and protecting will bring 23-Se- 2007 the best results. LIBRA (Sept. 3 stars t. 22): Love problems appear to be festering but, if you can get out with friends or do things that will keep you busy today, a lot can be avoided. Involvement in an activity that will teach you something in the interim will be a valuable investment of your time. 3 stars SCORPIO (Oct. 21): You are ready to make some changes to your life. Updating your looks or altering the way you deal with a romantic partner will make a difference to the way things play out. Making any kind of upgrade will pay off. 3 stars SAGITTARIUS (Nov. c. As long as you don't let anyone take over or coerce you into a change you do not condone, you will be fine. Use your knowledge and expertise to convince others that you know best or that you can do better. 5 stars 21): CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Ja19): You have pretty much got everything in order but, if you let your emotions take over or someone you care about get you all worked up, you are likely to make a grave, irreversible mistake. Make sure that all your papers are in order. 2 stars AQUARIUS (Jan. 18): An opening will give you clear passage into something you have always wanted to pursue. Don't be afraid of failure. It's moving ahead, doing what you do best and casting your fate to the wind that will work best for you today. 4 StcliS PISCES (Feb. 20): Your heart will tell you one thing and your head another. Don't be so sure that your head isn't filled with someone else's venom. Do your own investigating and you will soon find out who is being honest. 3 stars Birthday Baby: You are, clever, imaginative and sensitive toward others. You are changeable, unique and willing to try new things. You are curious and possessive. Eugenia's Web sites: astroadvice.com for fun, eugenialast.com for confidential consultations . www.heraldextra.comyellowpages |