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Show 8 FRIDAY, OCTOBER 27, THE DAILY UTAH CHRONICLE 2000 HALLOWEEN continued from page 7 versy at this point, I will now suggest the very unlikable notion that what is happening to Halloween is that it is becoming demasculinized. Yes, it is women who want to hang fuzzy trolls in their windows, petite ghouls in tutus that gawk "Boo to you too!" when squeezed. Yet before I am burned at the stake by a mob of overzealous feminists, let me explain. There are many traits that can be defined under the term "feminine" that are positive. Let us consider what women are often not modest, graceful, affectionate, compassionate, or confiding; however, let us consider what women often are weak, nerveless, timid, effeminate. Now all of these terms can be found as synonymous or descriptive of or with the term "feminine" by 5 C7 J? Mr. Webster's infamous dictionary and it is all these terms that are happening to Halloween in the most unacceptable of manners. 30 Under normal circumstances, I usually consider feminine traits to be of much more positive use than masculine traits. But not at Halloween. Women already own Valentine's Day with those insipid smiling valentines, St. Patrick's with the harmlessly mischievous leprechauns, Christmas with the marshmallow d snow and reindeers, and Easter with the pink, fluffy, furry, cozy, maternally moist bunnies. But ruby-nose- not Halloween. Please! I want to relish in devilish violence, bathe in blood, scream and of swim in an entanglement intestines for one day. Just one day. Halloween is the one time of year when we can celebrate however awful our urge to sever the heads off Barbie dolls. The last thing we should be producing is Barbie or the equivalent d vampires that line the aisles of Super Target. Trick-or-Tre- at cutesy-cushione- So, despite the protest that the most important issues at hand with the presidential election involve taxation, I invite you to vote for the candidate who promises to keep Halloween safe from the altruistic virtues of women; to keep it mean, evil, and like men, disgusting. 4th VAULT BABIES continued from page 7 with Edith now. Let me tell you, he's a d combat. He master at neck man's a can snap grown a kitten's. like like... well, We decided to get our revenge on society by going on an annual killing spree in the streets of Salt Lake City. We chose Halloween because of the anonymity provided by monster masks and the sheer number of people willing to walk around in the dark, leaving themselves vulnerable to violence. We were going to start last Halloween, but it was on a Sunday. And on that day of the week, for some strange reason, no vault baby is capable of violence. Instead, we have this incredible urge to spend quality time with family. Frankly, last year was quite embarrassing. There we were, all geared-u- p sickles in hand, for blood-she- d ghoulish masks affixed. But we ended up singing hymns, watchingjfootball and avoiding places of business. But now that Oct. 31 falls on a Tuesday this year, the vault babies are ready for action. Consider this your fair warning. hand-to-han- mniL annual HALLOWEEN! DANCE! starts at 9:00 b.rn. $6 Sat Oct. 2 State Capitol Rotunda lasks or suggestive costumes biaa LPS Standards sponsored by 2te! than ever to qualify! mu..i... Evening Weekend 'WW. www.danceinfo.org ..w Anytime M mutes OOO0 And Up PER MONTH PRESTIGE$r) . Wireless si wireless ma do simple.. Tooele Cottonwood Mall Murray 483S South Highland Dr insid tm t S2S W 5300 S Cottonwood Mali totok jtoa. IS, sBft rtwg 233-933- tar 5 H w? C 207 435-843-51- N Main 775-077- 30 mskyj ttH 'wBaStA ftv Roy S68Q S 1900 tf tert fv.ten nfrifai tE w 9 Kaysville 124 N Main 593-5G0- rt Klti ai aim. 0 tiw iar t3 mA. 0 R |