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Show 2 J! Thursday, March 7, twitch itff. ....withbret aiigpll twitchingoffZ........ f f ame one reason that the Grammys, or any of the therein, 1 U NJ people involved deserve to live. Stumped? So am I. How unfortunate that corporate America doesn't understand when an organization and a "ceremony" sucks. How unfortunate that we can't annihilate this show with nuclear weapons. Too bad Q can't simply materialize, put this sad, sagging facade oa trial and eliminate it from existence. Over the years, this ultra-fa- b schmoozefest of industry insiders has proven to be nothing more than a corporate pat on the back and a rehash of Top 40 shit What value does thisceremony to American pop culture? Can bring . awarding a bunch of smug aristocrats benefit anyone or anything besides their own egos? How is Boyz II Men or Garth Brooks contributing positively to art? I suppose you can't blame the majors for throwing themselves a party. It happens in just about everybody's workplace people involved with a certain business, large or small, come together to cel- ebrate and relax. But these big wigs can't just rent a nice assembly hall and present their party in private like everyone else. They have to go on national TV and call themselves "classy." They're MARCH 11-1- is Final Exam enough to consider plaining about? Should we feel sorry for the rich kid who made more in her first 20 years than many peo- particular year. Truth is, their artists are not necessarily good at anything except making money. Their artists have to have the charisma, accessibility, and glamour to appeal to the old farts who the same old control the votes farts who run the industry. To understand how lame this American tradition is, one only needs to look at the winners of last week's show. First is pseudo riot grrrl, Alanis Morrissette. She took four grammys Please, Alanis. You paraded up there on the Grammys show with some fake sense of humility and naive shyness. You know what you do, why, and how much it sells, and you shouldn't get away with it You Oughta Know, Alanis, You Can't Do That On Television. self-righteo- us their little awards as "definitive;" the final answer as to which artists became the end all and be all of that ple's families see in generations? Next up is the act that every Greek Row in the nation holds dear to their hearts: Hobtie and the Blowfish. They were the second big winners at last week's ceremony. Why does a band with supposedly humble beginnings and devotion to the alternative sell out so easily? white collars Why do 45 year-ol- d and pretty much stole the show with a positively pretentious rendi- act. Poor tion of her whine-and-wa- il Alanis is really just a wannabe victim a nerdy no one who sits in front and teenage athletes alike allare for e their dullery? These jokers bran-flak- of the mirror with bright lipstick and fishnets wishing she was as talentless as Courtney Love. Everyone's are just trying to imitate what R.E.M. and the Replacements did better years ago. Get off the screen, get off the air, and get rid of the notion that you're original artists, Hootie! Your music is too plain and simple; you plain and simply SUCK. The obvious solution to this free flow of pretension is to simply nuke the building next year when the Grammy movers and shakers come together. But like that's going to happen.. Perhaps I should count my blessings. After all, the Grammys this year did completely snub the most annoying Top 40 fluff diva of them all, Mariah Carey. But in the future, we can look forward to this sorry industry advertisement to assist in the Regis and Kathie Leeization of heard how Alanis made legal motions toward a Canadian record label to prevent them from releasing her older recordings she and her publicists fear it would shatter her "alternative" image in America. Just ask yourself: What does Alanis really have to be so goddamned pissed off about? She had a stable upbring- ing while living out every girl's biggest dream a child star for cable TV's Nickelodeon. What's she com- - 4 p America, Week Editor in Chief; Robert Cehrke j Editor! BretAngell: Cultural Arts Editor! Brandon Becker: Have you reserved your child's slot for FREE child care during finals week? - Popular Arts Editor! Christian Arial ; Art ; Director! Dave Thometz: Assistant Art Director! your child is between the ages of 6 and you are a student at the University, this service is for you. 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