|Rights||In Copyright (InC)|
|Rights Holder||Swift Communications, Carson City, Nevada|
|Publisher||Digitized by J. Willard Marriott Library, University of Utah|
Page A4 Thursday, March 24, 1983 Park City News j - -W M$T mmmmmmmmm by Hick Brough Take out service available. X -"tom-Mi fiil'i't!"1,--,,i Ski In and Ski Out! Park City's newest and most exciting atmosphere for lunches, dinner and apres ski fun. Relax on our sunny deck overlooking the Park City Village ice skating rink and Park City's ski slopes. 1385 Lowel Ave. Park City Village 649-4060 i , 04. ' AlVZld.K The Silver King ... Distinguished Condominiums, priced from $ 170,000 to $600,000. Studio, One bedroom, Two bedroom and Penthouse units available, completely furnished and accessorized. Now open for viewing. Telephone 649-3600. Summer '83 LODESTAR Call Jan or Bill 649-9014 Happy Hour" 4-6 p.m. SILVER KING P&rkCity LAND COMPANY ADVERTISING SPACE now available You don't have to be Irish to celebrate Saint Patrick's Day in style. At least, we doubt that all those people parked in Swede Alley Thursday night had relations going back to County Cork. Members of the Park City Newspaper-Lodestar staff participated par-ticipated in a Paddy's Day soiree that ran late into the night. The next day, these people were not to be found a circumstance not unlike the disappearance dis-appearance of Jimmy Hoffa. (In fact, several employees indicated a desire to trade places with the late union leader.) Now we know why green is a traditional color of Saint Patrick's Day. It comes from the complexion of the celebrants' faces. A few Newspaper employees wore sunglasses to hide their sunken eyes, but it couldn't conceal the embalmed look on their faces. We would tell who was voted Most Wasted, but that might not be a Great Idea. The whole country is still talking about the stunning TV event presented last Sunday night. It was a chilling reminder about nuclear power and the threat presented by even a small, fanatical group. To refresh your memory, the whole thing began during the quarterly PBS fund-raising drive, as the station manager stepped before the cameras: "Welcome back to KUED's Festival '83. We hope you enjoyed the previous program, Part I of 'Winston Churchill : The Senile Years.' Later on tonight, we'll be bringing you Championship Spoon Dueling from the Cow Palace, that popular consumer show 'Bargain Basement Review,' and our special documentary look at 'Joanie Loves Chachi.' "But, first many of you ha , e written writ-ten asking, 'Why should I donate money to public television month after month after month?' Well, we think we've got a darn good reason right here. "As you can see, we've assembled a small atomic device here. It's loaded, fully operational and ready to blow. Dr. Carl Sagan ! Tell us how much land this thing coule wipe out! " "Oh, BILL-ions and BILL-ions of acres, Fred. Let me illustrate the principle prin-ciple by placing a cherry bomb in this ' microwave oven ' ' "Thank you, Carl, we get the point. "The idea, folks, is that we need your dollars. Year 'round, we present fine programming with no commercial interruptions. in-terruptions. It's not often we have these marathons to ask for your money. And up to now, we've been nice about it. "I think you'll agree your quarterly donation of $100 is a small price to pay for not being blown to bits. Plus you get our monthly magazine, and a choice between our 'Sesame Street' lunch bucket and a 'Masterpiece Theatre' sweatshirt. "There's another person here who'd like to talk to you. Take it away, Fred Rogers!" A Thin Column... (FAT chance.) . When the first signs of spring appear in the department stores thin strap dresses and thin stretch fabric bathing suits, thin becomes in. Wintering well under layers of bulky sweaters and camouflage full-cut wool slacks, the sight of all those little things sends me into a state of acute panic. My cottage cheese thighs (large curd) have settled along with my fatty acids. My shape has become somewhat cylindrical and zipping the old Levi's is a challenge. It is time. I hate diets and exercise. I will publicly admit I am as athletic as a tuna fish sandwich. I don't play tennis, jog or swim laps weekly. (Public debate, while considered by all as healthy, is rarely looked upon as . athletic.) A friend of mine recently gave up ; smoking. I was terribly enviable when in a great show of will power he tore up an entire pack of cigarettes and threw them away. I decided to follow suit and tore up an entire loaf of Pacific Bay French bread. Unfortunately, all I could think of is that with a little butter, garlic and a handful of seasonings it would saute into a swell bunch of croutons. "Watch what you eat." All good diet guides (and a few nagging mothers) will tell you that. What? They don't think I watch what I eat? I watch. I watch flaky croissants dripping with butter make their way to my table at Royal Treats (the new slice of gooey "Hello, boys and girls. Can you say 'ther-mo-nu-cle-ar?' I knew you could. "I want to ask you something. We've all been scared sometimes, haven't we? Sure! We heard a scary story. About witches or ghosts. Or maybe your older brother told you there were monsters in the basement. Waiting to reach out and grab you ! "You know the nice thing? They don't really exist. They're just made up. They can't really hurt you. "On the other hand. We're not screwing around. "I like you. I like you because you're different from each other. We're all different in a wonderful wonder-ful way. "That could change real quick. "Do you know what happens when someone 'buys the Big One?' I knew you did! "What would you be like? Remember Remem-ber helping Daddy empty out his ash trays-?" "Thank you, Fred Rogers. Nobody relates to kids quite like he does. "Okay, we're about to start our special movie presentation 'Dr. Strangelove' but remember! Support alternative programming. Or you may not have an alternative in the morning mor-ning ! Thank you and good night. ' ' Latest bumper sticker down in Happy Hap-py Valley: "Salt Lake, the Artificial Heart of America." It's been said that we are a cynical age. No one respects government or religion. We don't have any heroes. The major story each spring isn't even the swallows coming back to Capistrano! Nope! It's the buzzards coming to Hinckley, Ohio. The grisly-looking birds returned to their roosts on the ides of March, as they have since the first reports were made by Ohio pioneers. Old-time Parkites have a similar custom looking for the first flattened potgut of spring. If you find the furry flapjack west of the highway divider, it means we'll have six more weeks of winter weather! A few years ago, guards at the Vatican arrested Father Guido Sar-ducci Sar-ducci when he showed "up "tn ther neighborhood dressed in hic eh" ' vestments. But Father Guido had nothing on Jerry Frockt, the tourism director for Broward County, Florida. Frockt was chased off Vatican grounds after he appeared dressed as a yellow-and-green alligator. Frockt thought it would be a good promotional gimmick. But since then the local county commissioners have forced him to resign. "This thing is absolutely ab-solutely ridiculous," Frockt said. (Note to Tina Lewis: This probably means the Parade of Hot Tubs show is of f for Temple Square. ) The most interesting menu notation has to be from Scrooge's restaurant. by Teri Gomes heaven located on lower Main Street). They compete with chocolate chip coffee cake and raspberry tarts (the pastry, silly, not the night desk clerk at...). Of course I watch what I eat! Most exercises are designed to place you in more unnatural positions than a Linda Lovelace movie. But they're nowhere near as fun. Groaning and moaning and huffing and puffing has a place in my life, but it is not alone on the floor of my living room in a tight multi-striped suit in a contortion resembling a pretzel and to the beat of disco music. The other night my little cherubs and I were watching T.V. and after two serious days of at least 4'2 minutes of concentrated exercise, I point to the shapely brunette in the Tab com mercial and say, "Hey kids, don't you think I look a lot like her?" My son says, "Sure except you have fatter thighs." "And skinnier boobs," my daughter adds. I love these kids. It is depressing when one's age (early thirties) and one's bust size are exactly the same. I have read all the books Thin Thighs in Thirty Days, Thirty Days To a Beautiful Bust, etc. I think about all the fat royalty checks these authors receive. I start to scratch out 30 days to an Awesome A. Look, it could sell big. And the veggies! Every recent guide suggests, salad for lunch, salad for dinner. Carrots and celery sticks for little snacks. I feel my front teeth protruding and growing longer and my Under "Steak," it says, "Have me nude, cover me with lemon butter, or take me home raw." We are still not sure this is a dish description, or a "Personals" ad that just got in the wrong place. Utah is not the only place that has a "squeal law" operating. At a high school in Lewisville, Texas, students are1 getting $100 for information that leads to the conviction of students selling or using drugs. The assistant principal told AP, "You'd be astonished at how well the students are cooperating. Some have even turned in their best friends." Park City F rformances and the In-termountain In-termountain Actors Ensemble may get bad reviews occasionally. But they could never do worse than a play called "Moose Murders" which opened and closed in one night on Broadway. Critics are calling it possibly the worst play in the recorded history of the theater. New York Times critic Frank Rich said it was like being on the Titanic and suggested "survivors" should hold reunions. John Simon, for the New York Magazine, said it was the closest he came to "the bottomless pit." T-shirts T-shirts reading "I survived 'Moose Murders'" are selling well. According to a Reuters new story, the play dealt with a string of murders at the Wild Moose Lodge. The play also included tap-dancing teenagers, Indians, In-dians, invalids, and a character in a moosehead. At the play's high point, a girl finds her father has become a vegetable and exclaims, "Like a lima bean! Gross me out!" On the other hand, this play could become a popular turkey to use the phrase in "Tootsie," a "cult failure." SENATOR HATCH EXPLAINS IT ALL FOR YOU. In a recent newsletter, the senator said he heard a story from a constituent that has a lot to say about the present state of the nation. This man writing to Senator Hatch, it seems, was overweight by 30 pounds, plus he drank and smoked heavily. First, the man wrote, he stopped drinking. Then he stopped smoking. In the process, he gained weight and was now 50 pounds overweight. But af-ter af-ter raring' the first twd Vices; he went to woi k on the extra pounds. Today, he is healthy on all three counts. Gee, said Hatch, this is an awful lot like Reagan's handling of the economy. First, the president tackled the alcoholism of inflation, then the nicotine of big interest rates. Of course, the blubber of unemployment went up, but this problem will be cured in time. Hatch's ideological opponents would respond that his patient already has a shaky heart condition, and the added weight will kill him, even if the corpse is non-smoking and non-drinking. Nonetheless, we congratulate the senator for finding a brilliant and versatile ver-satile metaphor for the 80s. nose has begun this involuntary twitch. Thin little never-need-to-lose-an-ounce-Iadies are the most untolerable when they whine, "Oh, I just couldn't eat that sliver of Black Forest cake. I'm watching my waistline. Here dear, you eat it." (As if to say, "You clearly can't even find your waistline cow, so go right ahead!") Then there is Nouvelle Cuisine. You know, the kind of meal that features twokumquats, 4 oz of lean chicken and a sprig of parsley. It's getting to the point you need to eat a decent meal before you go out to dinner anymore. Delirium is setting in. The tree outside my window appears to be covered in dark chocolate almond bark from the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. And the pile of fresh snow on my deck reminds me of my premium from KPCW, a whipped-cream-covered banana split from Dairy Queen. I had meant to give it to my kids. But, I have two kids and one banana split. That means I'd have to purchase a second split if I was to be fair to both kids. But it seems like this is an excellent opportunity to economize. If I simply eat the split, I won't have to even tell my kids, let alone purchase any more. It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make to keep the old budget in line. It strikes a vein with me if I don't eat for 48 hours that should negate the effects of the split. Then, on the way home I'll stop by 7-11 for a Big Gulp and some nachos to go. Alpha Beta for some chocolate covered raisins, Pep-perridge Pep-perridge Farm cookies, a carton of HaagenDazs.