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Show iCo ILllllsin Dear Dr. Lillian: Question: I am a single parent with 5 children, ages 4 to 17. I work 10 hours a day and when I come home, my children want more from me than I have left to give. They are also constantly con-stantly fighting over who gets our only TV and our only bathroom and who gets me! I love my children more than anything in the world, but I feel so flooded by all the demands of life that I don't know Which way to turn. Signed: Desperately Des-perately Overwhelmed. Answer: To bring a sense of order and peace to yourself your-self and your family, let's start with organization first and then let's realign relationships. rela-tionships. It is very important for your children and teenagers to become empowered and responsible. You would want to set a meeting where your r1- I r Dr. Lillian offspring comes up with a working schedule for who-gets-what-when-and-for-what-merit. Study their suggestions. sugges-tions. Make sure they have included all problem areas you have observed, such as how your daughters' monopolizing monop-olizing the bathroom in the morning affects the family flow out the door or how your sons' monopolizing the computer affects your ability to use your e-mail or plot your finances. Finalize a schedule and make it clear that as long as the agreements are kept peaceably, all privileges will remain available to everyone. The first time the TV gets fought over, pull the plug and keep it. The TV can only be earned, back by kindnesses observed in a three week period. It is crucial that your children understand that they may not continue with their previous emotional habits. Only you can convince them that you mean what you say. Above all, you and your children are starved for nurturing and deeply so. If you are a female, arrange ar-range a once a week outing with male relatives or friends you trust who are willing to invite each of your sons separately and be with them (for fishing, movies, computer comput-er games, going to the hard ware store, exploring future educational opportunities, sports, etc.). If you are male, arrange a once a week outing with female relatives or friends you trust who are willing to invite each one of your daughters daug-hters separately and be with them (for shopping, movies, scrap-booking, exploring interests, sports, etc.). Rotate yourself twice a week to spend time alone with one of your children, no matter how simple the activity. activi-ty. Each Saturday night, rain or shine, go out with an adult. Make sure you choose people from all walks of life. Every fourth time, go out by yourself and allow yourself to meet and enjoy new people. peo-ple. Most importantly, learn to enjoy your own company. This will feed your soul. Refreshing all of your lives with new organization, nurturing and involvements beyond the home, will bring ease and comfort to you. You will need to lead the way. December 11, 2(X)3 - The Springville Herald - Page Fifteen Dear Dr. Lillian: Questions: I am a 14 year old guy who just can't get out of bed in the morning. morn-ing. It doesn't help that my day starts with school at eight, trust me. Answer: Much research has been done on the biological biologi-cal clocks of teenagers. Teenagers ' really do have sleeping and waking rhythms that are different from those of children or adults. Of course, you're smart and I'm not dumb either, so we both know that I'm telling , you this not as an excuse, but as a way to "learn yourself better." What does this mean? It means that you need to study how your body, mind and soul functions best for you. Then, you can live your life so it works for you, not against you. It may be that you are most awake in the morning if you have slept either 6 hours or 9 hours, but maybe your particular temperament does n't handle 5 or 7 or 10 hours of sleep well. Once you find your rhythm, keep it going, 1 days a week, every week. On school days, it may be that getting up at 6 a.m. would allow you to have an hour on your computer or an hour of e-mailing a friend or an hour of finishing the movie you're making or an hour of anything that you are passionately interested in. , Then you would have a reason to get up, one that you have given to yourself and that you can accept. But also understand: school is only in your life to serve you to build your future. Educate yourself in school and beyond be-yond school. Your future is work all of your creativity and passion, for sure. You are welcome to e-mail e-mail questions' to lzarndt-city-for-children-and-teens.org or call 801-489-0673 and leave a voice mail. LiLBWDCECi MfflOTMF MT. 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