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Show I !W J J''!Mjp'Wl'jrj' Vernal Express Wednesday, July 8, 1998 11 Four die in head-on '' . I:, - J- .11 IW i. r: - i Mike Weber helps people create family mailing lists on "Birds of a Feather" web-site. Idea pulls families together by Kristen Kremin It is often hard to keep in touch with friends and family. Especially when they are scattered across the United States. There are often times when families don't communicate with each other more than once a year, and sometimes less than that. Well, "flocking together" just got a whole lot easier. Mike Weber, of Vernal, has created a web page on the Internet called "Birds of a Feather." This web-site is set up to help people create mailing lists, so that they can write one letter, and through the mailing list, the letter is e-mailed to the entire family all at once. Weber started this business in August 1997. Since then, it has made progress, and he says thai he Mental Health Learning to control anger "Heat not a furnace for your foe so hot that it doth singe yourself" -Shakespeare - Henry VIII. Anger does much more harm that we realize. Our judgment fails. We badly underestimate the impact that anger can have on a close relationship. relation-ship. Frequent experiences of intense in-tense anger stimulate further anger in ourself and others. "Once anger begins to take control con-trol of the mind, it calls just what it does cruelly" - St. Gregory the Great. "Consider how much more you often suffer from your anger and grief, than those very things for which you are angry and grieved" -Marcus Antonious. To avoid harming ourself and others, oth-ers, we need to learn some basic techniques in controlling our anger. Call time out. "When angry, count to ten before you speak; if very angry, count to a hundred" -Jefferson. When a coach notices his players are reacting with emotion and temper, tem-per, he calls time out to settle his players and to deliberate about what is going on. Unfortunately, in the heat of life's battles, we don't have a coach to monitor us and call time out. We have to call time out on ourselves. How do we know when to do this? By monitoring our body signals sig-nals - a pounding head, an accelerated acceler-ated heart beat, a clenched fist, a tremble in our hands, a curled lip, and the raising or cracking of our voice. People need to learn their own idiosyncratic signs of anger and call time out on themselves. "Violence in the voice is often only on-ly the death rattle of reason in the throat" - Boyes. What is time out? Time out can be as short as a fraction of a second - when we close our eyes, take a deep breath and regain control of our responses. Time out can be a withdrawal from a tense situation for as many minutes or hours as it takes to regain control. There's No Excuse For Domestic Violence. For information on how you can help stop domestic violence, call us. has just been having a lot of fun with it. "It is thrilling. I didn't know anything any-thing about computers two years ago. I still haven't taken any computer com-puter classes or anything. I have just learned what I've needed to know as I go along. Finding all the answers to all of my questions on the Internet. The mailing lists are very thrilling, and they have brought our family closer to our extended ex-tended family, which is all over the country," Weber commented, "I just set up the page as a business hoping that others would be able to reap the benefits of a mailing list, and that their families would grow closer clos-er together, too." Currently there are ten families signed up for Weber's mailing list. There are mailing lists possible for i w.. M. I r-- uy ur. vdi raiiaei "The greatest remedy for anger is delay" - Seneca. The benefits of time out. Time out is an opportunity to regain our reason by examining our thoughts, feelings and perceptions that contribute con-tribute to our anger. Events do not cause problems. Our reactions to events cause problems. Anger is a useful emotion when it leads us to identify underlying assumptions as-sumptions and problems. Beyond helping us gain understanding of ourselves and others, anger does little lit-tle good. Feeling angry isn't the problem. It is when we try to solve problems while angry that anger becomes destructive. Time out can be used for self-destruction. "I will not shout." "I'd better leave." "Calm down." "This is not being done on purpose." Anticipate anger in yourself and mentally rehearse your plan for regaining re-gaining control. Use time out to calm yourself and to give yourself mental instructions to regain control. con-trol. Our game plan for anger control should include an automatic response re-sponse for when we realize we are losing control. Deciding what to do ahead of time eliminates the need for rational thinking at precisely those moments when we are least capable of it. This means knowing what we are going to do and where we are going to go. The other party in the relationship has to be willing to let the angry person go and trust that the topic will come up again under more favorable circumstances. circum-stances. Getting at the underlying causes. caus-es. Keep a log or a diary of the times and situations when you get angry. Practice using time out and self-instruction self-instruction to regain control. Anger may stem from faulty assumptions or irrational thoughts that occur during the heat of battle. Words such as "always," "never," "should," "ought," and "must" show that our thinking is in trouble. 1-800-END ABUSE families, LDS missions (for returned re-turned missionaries to keep in touch with old companions), birdwatchers, bird-watchers, and more. To get a list is free. Weber charges only to set up the list. "It is a privilege to have my own web-site, and my own mailing list," said Weber. Weber has also set up other web pages, including one about the Vernal temple. To set up your own mailing list, or for more information, link on to the web page called "Birds of a Feather." The address is: www.bird-sofafeather.net. www.bird-sofafeather.net. There is a list of information in-formation waiting there for you. "This will guarantee families a closer relationship through keeping in touch with one another, in a quick and easy way," Weber said. An angry person needs to reflect and examine strongly held beliefs and expectations that lead to persistent persis-tent angry outbursts. Talking about the causes of anger and getting feedback from trusted confidants will clarify the role or our automatic automat-ic assumptions. Self-esteem plays a role. Work on improving your self-esteem and feeling of personal competence. We experience intense anger when we feel we have received a deliberate blow to our pride. Insults aren't as provocative when we have inner confidence. If we need to present a perfect image to the world, then we are vulnerable to the opinions of others. oth-ers. However, if we learn to accept ourselves, take ourselves less seriously seri-ously and can laugh at ourselves, the judgments of others lose their power over us. Getting in control and having power over our lives helps reduce angry feelings. When we measure up to the basic challenges of life then frustration doesn't affect us as much. Rule number one: Don't sweat the small stuff. Rule number two: It is all small stuff. Unfortunately, life's problems aren't all small stuff, but there is a lot less than we think. For serious problems and losses in life, the counsel of Harry Emerson Fosdick is instructive. "Whatever the situation and however how-ever disheartening it may be, it is a great hour when a man ceases adopting (difficulties) as an excuse for (anger) and tackles himself as the real problem. No mood need be his master." For past columns on anger in close relationships, send a 32-cent stamp, self-addressed envelope to "Anger," The Preston Connection, P0 9125, Rapid City, SD 57709. Family Vioknct Prcwrlica Fund A Vernal man and three girls were killed in a two-car collision at about 6:35 a.m. Tuesday last week. Max McLean, 64 of Vernal, was driving eastbound on state Road 6 about 16 miles east of Wellington, just north of 1-70. Three teenagers in a westbound Kia crossed the center cen-ter line and collided head-on with the Jeep Cherokee, McLean was driving. Dead at the scene were theKia driver, dri-ver, Kimberly Prisby, 17, West Valley City; Heidi K. Warner, 19, West Jordan and Melissa L. Zatinsky, 19, Salt Lake City. A passenger in the Jeep, Eugene McLean, 75 of Vernal was flown to LDS Hospital in Salt Lake City. He died in surgery at I p.m. The driver, Max McLean was in serious but stable condition at Utah Valley Hospital with fractures in his pelvis, back and jaw. The McLeans were traveling to Green River to pickup 1 ,6(K) pheasants pheas-ants which they raise in Vernal. Alcohol was found around the Kia, but investigators are unsure if it played a role in the crash. S.R. 6 was closed for about an hour after the collision. KftteS area Read All About It... With Us. Keep up on what's happening. hap-pening. Be informed on current issues. Subscribe Mail to: Vernal Express, Name. Address Pho ne Enclose $19 in area, $30 out of area in Utah or $33 out of Utah for one year subscription. cash check Visa or MC Credit card number TT,n' 1 Vernal Elks Lodge member sets EM News from all around the to the Express Subscribe Now! P.O. Box 1000, Expires. Vernal photo by John I .e off fireworks. Vernal, UT 84078 |