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Show HIGH AS A KITE ezjz&ty N. D. Plume Mow that the Bridal Fair is fast approaching the Union ballroom to spread the insidious institution after which it was named it is also time for the men of the campus to demand their equal rights and have, you guessed it, a Groom Crossout. In simpler language, which linguists tell us is not possible what the men of this campus need is a promotional gig from all the suppliers of paraphernalia for that last fling of freedom, the bachelor party The little ladies will learn to manage the cell after the fact the con demned could learn how to get more browned out than they thought possible for the ceremony. With any luck, the bride will refuse to say "I do" when she sees what the groom did. Such a groom grossout could be held in numerous sleazy bars or in a number of fortune-telling parlors on west 2nd South. The time should be scientifically determined to coincide with the greatest number of Tupperware parties or wedding showers. If no such correspondence can be established, Easter Sunday will also do. The content of such a gross-out would be very specialized The first order of business would be beverages. Most of the merchants of such wares are not, because of the immense influence of certain of this state's ethnic groups, able to sell their wares directly to the, clientele However, those merchants could certainly give their wares away and then watch the state buy in triple quantities. After the soon-to-die have tanked up on beverages; they would be ready for the more sophisticated wares. Next in line should of course be a Russ Meyer film festival. Such classics as "Vixen," "Harry Cherry' and Raquel," and "Beyond the Valley of the Dolls," would be shown' Perhaps such a distinguished person as commissioner James Farker ;auld be used to narrate such films and act as the Master of Zeremonies. Surely he could rise to the occasion. Next, Maurine Irimball could demonstrate her skill at playing the xylophone-the lard way. Ahile it seems that all the Groom Cross-out merchants would be orced to spend much money and get nothing in return, this is ac-ually ac-ually not the case. For in actuality, the business that they'will stir up vill be well worth the initial investment. If nothing else, the whole hing can be subsidized by a travel bureau, which could' more than nake up for any expense by selling the now-sobered drunks single ickets to such wonderful places at the Munich beer festival or Outer 'atigonia. |