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Show look a TV camera right in the eye and say things which don't even come close to what they are thinkin', beats the heck outt.a me. They ought'ta be ashamed. Just to show you what I mean. I was watchin' this loser on the boob tube the other night when he was makin' his concession speech. This was a color picture and was sorta out of whack. His face was kinda red, but it wasn't because be-cause he was blushing for I knew what he was thinlrin'. Boy!, he just had a lot of gall! As I watched and listened to him, my ESP got in high gear and I realized what he was thinking while he was taiking. He began: "My friends, first I want to thank all the people who worked work-ed so hard and for so long for me during my campaign. They received no pay and they worked for me only because they believed in me and for what I stood for." But he was thinking: ("IF I EVER RUN AGAIN, I'LL HIRE SOME PROFESSIONALS PROFESSION-ALS WHO AT LEAST, WILL KNOW WHAT THE H... THEY ARE DOING.") Now that it's all over but the shoutin', I have been listening to the concession speeches of the political losers on the telly and radio. Most all the losers say they're glad their opponent won and that they'll give him their full support, and cheerfully. cheer-fully. Hogwash ! Shucks folks, you know there ain't nobody gonna get up from the ground with a bloody nose and say: "Mister, I'm awful glad you won. Here, let me take my shirttail and wipe the blood off your fist. I knew from the start you was . the best man." Dad gummit, it just ain't so. People don't tick that way. But tradition demands that the loser make a concession speech, or statement to the press, which makes a liar out of him. But the people must remember remem-ber him as being a good loser, and we all know there ain't no such thing. He must act like a good loser because he might decide to try again sometime . yea, he probably will. So you see, he can't afford af-ford to create the image of a poor loser. But I bet'cha it ain't easy. ponent, I wish to congratulate him on conducting a clean, fair and square campaign." (IT WAS ONE OF THE DIRTIEST, MUD SLINGING BUNCH OF HONYOCKS THAT WAS EVER GOT TOGETHER. TO-GETHER. THE WORST IN POLITICAL HISTORY. WONDER WON-DER HOW HE EVER FOUND OUT ABOUT LA RUE?) "I am positive he will serve the people, his state and his country, faithfully. I shall do everything within my power to help and support him in solving solv-ing the insurmountable problems prob-lems which lie ahead." (THAT IS, IF HE DON'T GO TO JAIL FOR VOTE FRAUD.") "I wouldn't be telling the truth if I said that I am not disappointed. But I realize we can't all be winners. I shall continue to serve the public in any way that may be demanded demand-ed of me." (IT'S GOING TO BE INTERESTING IN-TERESTING TO SEE WHO WILL OFFER ME A JOB AND HELP COVER UP MY CAMPAIGN DEFICITS.) "I also want to thank the press who treated me fairly and squarely and called the shots as they saw them." (NEVER IN MY LIFE HAVE I EVER SEEN SUCH A BUNCH OF LYING, PREJUDICED PRE-JUDICED SONS-A-GUNS. THEY WOULDN'T KNOW HOW TO WRITE THE TRUTH IF IT WAS SPELLED OUT FOR THEM.) "To the TV station I say thanks for allowing me equal, free time, along with my worthy wor-thy opponent to present my side of the issues." (YEAH, AT 6:30 IN THE MORNING.) "It's true that I didn't have as much to finance my campaign cam-paign as my opponent, but I did the best that I could." (SNORT IT MUST BE NICE TO HAVE A RICH WIFE, EVEN IF SHE IS AS UGLY AS A MUD FENCE.) "But I don't blame the lack of money for my defeat." (THE H I DON'T.) "If there were any mistakes in this campaign, they were mine, and I accept the responsibility respon-sibility for them." (IF YOU BELIEVE THAT, YOU'RE NUTTIER THAN I THOUGHT YOU WERE.) "It's important now that we forget the past, for our wounds will eventually heal. We must grasp the wheels fiinily and roll onward together as a single unit for this great and glorious country of ours that stretches from sea to sea!" (SAY THAT'S NOT A BAD BIT OF SPEECH MAKING. I BELIEVE I'LL USE IT IN MY NEXT CAMPAIGN!) Well shucks, as I said before, SEE YA'ALL LATER Some folks say I have got ESP (extrasensory perception). Now that ain't something you get like the mumps, it's just something you already got. You just plain got it and don't know how you got it. But you got it, like me. Folks who got ESP can just look at another person talkin' and they hear what they're sayin'. But at the same time, they know what they're THINKIN'. Believe me, the two ain't always the same. Fact is, it ain't hardly ever the same. How some of those guys can r "And to my campaign manager mana-ger I owe a special vote of thanks. He sacrificed a lot of his time and effort, and for this I am thankful and can never repay him. So thank you Bob Whittaker." (ALL HE MADE ME PROMISE PRO-MISE WAS A DOOR WITH HIS NAME ON IT AND ONE PERCENT OF THE TAKE.") "Also, I'd like to say that I am aware of my wife's disappointment. disap-pointment. I doubt that I could have stood up under the pressure and strain had it not been for her unbounding faith in me, her love, understanding and many words of encouragement." encourage-ment." (SHE TOLD ME RIGHT FROM THE START THAT I HAD ABOUT AS MUCH CHANCE OF WINNING, AS A SNOWBALL IN H AND THAT I WAS NUTS TO EVEN GET IN THE RACE.) "As for my distinguished op- |