Show HORSE TRADE joseah Jos lah said aunt luzan after she nad heard the particulars of the horse trade in which her husband bad apparently patently ly finished a poor second you re the worst fool I 1 ever seen laws a mercy aln t yov old enough to know yet that when a person wants to git up a trade with you for some thing you aln t to git rid of it s because they want to cheat youa I 1 declare to goodness I 1 think sometimes you git so you know less and less the older you grow you wa n t never too smart aa far as that s con ceded and I 1 often wonder how ive managed to put up with ou as long as I 1 have but this caps the climax abo fidei of oft a horse alth worse than the heaves and bebby a spavin or two for that critter you ve brought home it a that I 1 dont know what ever be able to say when the git to askan about it tell you what to do her husband as he laid his knife aside and began scooping up the pork gravy with a spoon it the neighbors git to askan questions that a embarrass ln you just turn the t abject off by em about sendan on 50 cents for 20 useful articles and that number of pins then aunt suzan wiped her eyes with her checked apron and eald between her sobs you always was such a hand to harp and anyway I 1 want you to understand it was money I 1 got tor eggs my own hens laid I 1 hope this horse you got 11 die then may be you 11 have a little sympathy in your heart once and awhile S E alser in chicago record herald SIMPLE MATTER poet I 1 can make no mistake in say ing her cheeks are like the rose friend but you have never met her poet that matters not it she Is rosy there are red roses it she Is pale there are white roses and it she Is sallow there are yellow roses the real reason say what you will theatrical man aers strive after the artistic fudge how can you prove it they are constantly trying to produce shakespearean productions you poor innocent they do that because they don fc have to kiy shake speare any royalties cleveland leader sounded like opera bacon I 1 called with my wife on the lady next door last night and she started her phonograph playing 11 II trovatore agbert suppose you imagined your self at the opera why yes the two women were talking to beat the bandl yonkers statesman i too technical the music teacher had tested the little girl s voice her range Is good ma am he said to the mother but she is deficient of course in her upper register saints us exclaimed mrs 0 flaherty d ye think she s a furnace heated flat ald a basement chicago tribune an early riser are you an early riser pat aa 1 sure I 1 m alch an early riser sor that I 1 m r sometime atch up when ain coln to lwis Tion kera statesman t she knew her alp the impudent thing wanted me to marry him el when iff the wedding going lo 10 be try not the pass try not the pass the trainer said and shook with doubt his shaggy head make quarter kick and play in mass but do not try the forward pass PLEASANT PROSPECT I 1 have insured myself against acal dent to day if I 1 were to fall and break my arm I 1 should have 5 marks on the spot how lovely dear then I 1 could make that trip to the riviera which I 1 have wanted so long Dla etter no room for doubt mrs bardyn hunter who was look ing through the shop of a dealer in kalck knacks picked lip a smart hand bag are you sure she inquired that this Is real crocodile skin absolutely certain madam re piled iky 1 I shot the crocodile my self it looks rather soiled observed the customer naturally madam explained the truthful faker where it struck the ground when it tumbled oft the tree lost and found mrs de shopper breathlessly did I 1 leave my purse herec ive lost it somewhere clerk who worked an hour showing mrs de shopper goods without being able to sell her anything I 1 will in quire madam casal cash here a minute did any of you boys find an empty purse anywhere around here this morning 7 new york weekly true happiness mrs muggers I 1 see a prominent society belle Is bead it there ever was a perfectly blissful existence on earth she enjoyed it while she lived mr muggers because she was a society belle mrs muggers no because she was engaged 24 times and never mar aled york weekly HER POINT OF VIEW arthur why do you consider bald so very effeminate gergtrude why be can also a girl without even her hair CM cago dally news useless you aay he a written gome original songs yee why doean t he publish them no nee they re not good enough tt be great and not bad enough to b popular leader |