OCR Text |
Show S E ENfjdH EARD Main Street Thru there was the Hurricane father who said "I dou't know whether you can support my daughter, but you certainly know how to keep Iter up." Lena' Geiis-ter wasn't satis-lied satis-lied that her boy friend had a "certain something." She wanted him to have something some-thing certain. Tramp: "Lady, I'm almost famished. fam-ished. Housewife: ''Here's a cent. How did you get so low?" Tramp: "I had your fault. I was too extravagant." Little Girl: "Mother, if the Lord gives us 'our daily bread, and Santa brings our toys, and the stork brings the babies, then what is father staying around here for?" Laron Andrus heard one of the band students say he could play anything that had strings. So lie sent htm an apron. (Overheard at one of the local stores) : Young Lady: "Where can I get silk coverings for my settee?" i Clerk: "Lingerie department, right over here, lady." When it comes to eating, you have to hand it to Venus deMilo. How else could she eat? The heat of 22 cows may be equal to 20 tons of coal, as the scientists tell us; but who in the heck wants a herd of cows in his basement? Percy Whinltree had been drawn on the jury. When his name was called he asked the Judge to be excused because he was very busy at the office. "So you are one of those men who think the railroad can't get a 1 o n g without you," said the the Judge dryly. "No your honor," replied Tercy, "I know they can get along without with-out me, but I don't want them to find it out." "Excused," said the Judge. Definitions OPTIMIST: The guy who has n money. PESSIMIST: The guy who has it but won't lend you any. An optimist also is the gentle man who is happy because he can buy so much with a dollar if he had the dollar. And whereas the Optimist ,says "Please pass the cream," the Pessimist growls, "Is there any milk in that pitcher?" pit-cher?" Lena Genster's idea of a j wasted evening is to go to a wrestling match with her Boy Friend, and then ride home in a bus. Customer: "I'd like a loaf of bread." James SIcArtliiir, the baker: "White or graliam?" Customer: "It doesn't matter. It's fcr a blind man." The rul:tz3r prize for diplomatic diplo-matic journalism should go to tli e Idaho editor who wrots: "Miss Mabel Blank, a belle cf twenty summers, is visiting her twin brother, agEd 3 2." T h e hoiir.vmnm is over, s:ys Va Gmmnit. when the iMoom tells 1 1 is wife lie guesses guess-es the shut he lias cn is clean ::c;i:'"i for n couple mere ("ays. I "OMR er.rn!'i (!;! nirunil lies 3To-e, IV ro:ic. l-.:it not fovpottcn; 7o :ir-.iP.!!t !;is a a p;sir of hose. l2i c: y iliey v ere cotton! V.TT.T. P-TJ. VO1" CAN'T STAY ".VH EVKR I'AD VIXTEHS LIKE THIS ONE UNDER HOOVER. And did you ever step to think how many were denied the pleasure pleas-ure of horse and buggy in the old days before anybody had thought of the dollar down and a dollar a week idea? Guide iu Egypt: "It took hundreds hun-dreds of years to build those pyramids." pyr-amids." Bad Gummit: Ah, a government govern-ment job." According to Glen Prisbrey a pinch of salt is greatly improved by dropping it on a large beefsteak beef-steak and an order of French fries. |