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Show HAWK-EYETEMS. Charles Follen Adams ("?[Yawcob] Strauss") of Boston, the best living writer of German dialect, is giving private instruction in German and Irish dialect. In his classes are several professional readers and elocutionists. The Boston Transcript says: "New Orleans knows how to have a holiday, our northern cities don't." It knows how to have the yellow fever too. But then we know how to have the fever ?[Duger]. Count one on our string please. "So you married old Heavipenny's eldest, I hear," said the friend. "Yes," said the young ?[Inforit], "I have." "Good match?" asked the friend. "I guess so," sighed the bridegroom, wearily, "heaps of brimstone in it." and the years go by. "Yes, I know him," the Texas sheriff remarked, when somebody asked him about Red-handed Bill; "I never met him but once; he came down here last February, riding another man's mule and he come in and left the measure of his neck with me for a lariat." "Did you fit him?" asked the traveler. "Not very well," said the sheriff, "blamed thing was too tight, but he never said anything about it after he tried it on, so I didn't change it." And then the committee rose and reported the bill to the House, which shortly afterward took a recess until the evening session. After all his life-long work upon the platform, and with the high fees his fame and abilities justly command, John E. Gough is not a rich man. His private charities are as large and numerous as they are unostentatious, for this great-hearted man does not let his left hand know what his right hand does. He has met with frequent and heavy losses, on account of the tenderhearted willingness with which he puts his valuable autograph on the back of a friend's album for ninety days, and the almost infallible certainty with which he is compelled to get it back again for himself when the three short months have flown. Mr. Gough ought to be worth half a million dollars, but like most men whose hearts are wrapped up in, and whose lives are consecrated to, some great work of reform, he is not a good business man, and ?[improuvious] friends and suffering ?[lomasity, lamesity, homesity] have got most of the money the great apostle of temperance has earned by hard platform work. POLITICS AT THE DENCH. "The greatest charm of inaugeration should be its pointed simplicity." said the carpenter, as he started a mortice. "True," said the apprentice, sawing into a nail. "so ?[gim] let us have peace. "You rip saw the dangers of republican simplicity on the minds of the people," remarked the journeyman "and so the ?? monarchies framed their coronations with imposing ceremonies." "A good deal of it," assented the boss carpenter, "and I opine it is ?[loot] plane, or at least it is knot at first clear. Why the same formalities should be dried in our government." "Sea, son?" the journeyman asked the apprentice. And the apprentice said "Oh yes, he saw." "You must wet chisel ?[instrations] very sharply." Said the journeyman, "or you can't at hatchets proper meaning to each one." "It axes my ?[soreatiny] very keenly indeed," said the apprentice, "to follow the thread of his heel marks." "Your mind wanders," said the boss, "the rolling grindstone catches no worms." "All workbench and no play," said [unreadable line] simply [unreadable line] the apprentice apologetically, [unreadable] Jack plane a dull boy." "but," spoke the journeyman, "Jack plane is always a playin'." "Not when its eye dull," persisted the apprentice, sawing half way through the old hinge. "I advise you to brace up a bit," said the carpenter, "and when I say that, remember that a wink is as good as a kick to a blind saw horse." "Somethin' nails me today," the apprentice said, as he pounded his thumb with a lathing hatchet, and he turned aside to utter malletdictions on the hatchet and the man who made it. "I'd hold you so," said the journeyman, consolingly, as he showed the apprentice how to grasp the hatchet, "and I'd hammer this way," and he showed him how to strike. But the apprentice said the last part of the lesson was entirely unnecessary. Thus do our laboring classes improve the current political events to their intellectual edification and mutual improvement. |