Show what JV thinks about The Good Old Days SANTA ANTA MONICA CALIF O Taking pen in hand hani to write Uncle Sams Sam's check for that next installment I look longingly backward to what Im I'm sure was the golden age of our generation It was the decade that began soon sewn after the turn of the century and ended with 1914 Kings lolled Idled securely securely se- se on comfy comy E thrones and dictatorships dictatorships dicta dicta- in Jn strong f nations were Undreamed undreamed un Un- dreamed of Without shaking the foundations of Mr d S 'S the financial temple t Te Ted Teddy d y Roosevelt wa was Olin filing the alli alligator E a ator tor teeth of predatory predatory preda preda- tory wealth irvin S S. S Cobb People laughed at atthe atthe atthe the mad suggestion that there could ever be another great war war let let alone a a- a world war With suffrage in prospect women were going to purify politics Taxes were a means unto an end and not the end of our means Standards of living climbed faster than did the costs of living Automobiles were things to ride in at moderate speed not engines to destroy human life with Millions actually believed that if it prohibition by law ever became effective effective effective ef ef- ef- ef drunkenness would end and crime decrease Yes Im I'm sure those were Indeed the happy days the days the era when the Twentieth Century limited started running and W. W J. J Bryan stopped Synthetic Imitations WE E STOPPED at a wayside station station sta tion advertising pure orange juice theres there's one every few ro rods Is Next to autograph hunters oranges orange's are the commonest product of Cali Cali- fornia The drink was the right color But there didn't seem to be any orange in it The best you could say for tor it was that probably its mother had been badly frightened by an orange I made inquiry and an expert told me some roadside venders venders- not many but some were some were peddling an essence compounded of chemical chemical chemical chemi chemi- cal flavoring and artificial extracts because it kept better than the genuine genuine genuine gen gen- article I thought America had reached tops in the gentle arts of substitution substitution tion and adulteration when we began began began be be- gan making pumpkin pies out of squash and maple syrup out of corn cornstalks cornstalks cornstalks stalks and buckwheat flour out of ofa a low grade of sawdust sawdust anyhow anyhow it tastes like that that and and imported English English Eng Eng- lish sole out of the lowly flounder and scallops out of skate fins But when in a land where a strong man couldn't tote a dollars dollar's worth of oranges on his back there are parties parties par par- ties selling synthetic Imitations well just let the east equal that magnificent stroke of merchandising ing enterprise Poor Little Rich Men T ET us take time off to pity the LET poor t poor little rich man who owns a large but lonesome sea going yacht During the depression the species grew rare there rare there were ere money lords then who hardly had one yacht to rub against another but another but with better better bet bet- ter days a fresh tresh crop lines the coasts No matter how rich the owner feels he must use his floating pal pal- I ace He may be content with a saucer of ot processed bran and two I dyspepsia tablets but no yacht crew yet ever could keep soul and md body together on anything less than double double dou dou- ble sirloins So he goes cruising cruising- and gosh how he does dread it For every yachtsman who really gets joy out of being afloat there usually Is another to whom the great heart of the nation should go out In sympathy You almost expect expect expect ex ex- to find him putting ads in the paper for guests who can stand the strain everything provided except the white duck pants Problems on Wheels A A MERICA'S newest problem J goes on wheels One prophet says by 1938 therell there'll be a million trailers and three million people aboard them Roger Babson raises the ante within ante within twenty years half halt the population living in trailers and andall andall andall all the roads clogged So soon the trailer-face trailer Is It Is worn by riding along behind while Popper smiles pleasantly as he drives the car in solitary peace getting peace getting away from it all Have you noticed how many trailer widows there are already al ale ready But as yet nobody reckons with the chief chie issue think of ot the increasing in in- In Increasing creasing mortality figures when the incurable speed bug discovers that not only may he continue to mow down victims with on head-on assaults but will garner in many who escaped escaped es es- d hIs frontal attack by sideswipes sideswipes side side- swipes of the hitched hitched on on monster that is swinging and lunging at his rear like a drunken elephant on a rampage To catch em going and coming coming- that should be a motor maniacs maniac's dream of ot earthly joy IRVIN S. S COBB Service |