Show First Reader and Ne r. r E Eclectic C I P. P Primer 6 W u Edited hy by H. H I. I PHILLIPS PHILLIPS 1 V 1 N. 1 I j I II I THE STORY OF HORA HORATIO 1 Horatio I-Horatio Horatio was a slow thinker 2 2 lie He didn't retain very well 3 As 3 As a boy he was so dumb his playmates nicknamed him The The Dummy 4 4 Ho He was very slow show mastering simple games and always lost at 5 On 5 On the high school baseball team he stole second with the bases full fun and on the scrub football team lost a n game jame b by running the wrong way with the ball I G He G-He He just didn't seem able to grasp things 1 As 7 As a young man he took tool up bridge and set a new worlds world's record the first year for the number of consecutive times Umes he was set after lou re-lou redoubling bling S lie S-lie He stuck to the game however how v ever althou although h everybody tried to avoid him as a n partner 0 lie Ilo He never could remember what was bid and was always bidding bidding bidding bid bid- ding the wrong suit himself 10 When lo-When When contract came In he became especially enthusiastic and andas was as eager eagerly sought as an opponent opponent by even rate fifth-rate players 11 When 11 When he won a rubber everybody every cry body knew mew It could on only be a case of a phone phoney deck phoney-deck deck or a major acci acci- dent 12 12 His His reputation as a terrible brI bridge g-e g pla player er grew by leaps and bounds 13 But 13 But he made a fortune fortun and you'll youn never ne guess how I 14 lie H He wrote a n book called caned Contract Contract Contract Con tract Made lade a Pushover for the Be Be- ginner lo It 15 It sold a million copies and led to a job writing articles for newspapers all over the country on the fine points of or contract bridge MORAL A A full ruu fountain pen covers covers cov coy ers a multitude of ot sins RHYMES OF SUCCESS Diligent In business be Always change your socks Live with great tr frugality And dont don't buy railroad stocks t CURIOUS FACTS FOR CURIOUS PEOPLE 1 Cigarette l b burns on a a. a piano case can enn be removed with a chisel and saw 2 It 2 It has been estimated by careful careful care care- ful fuh students of the cinema that SS 55 out of every laughs In the movies are dependent on grapefruit 3 3 The average a life of ot safety razor blade Is 43 cuts 4 A 4 A New England boiled dinner will sustain life lICe In one man for tor four da days s but it wi will hardly be worth It 5 The 5 The Chinese have rejected football as a national game owing to the long time It would take tale to give the signals In the native dialect dia dia- lect j I G hit It It Is against the law to ride rille a n wheeled high bicycle cle on the sidewalks sidewalks sidewalks side side- walks of or Brooklyn N. N Y 1 The 7 The appetite for chicken soup can be curbed by leaving heaving In lu the tea feathers 8 Eugene 8 Eugene ONeIl O'NeIl can go hours at ata ata a n time Uuie without being frivolous 0 In D-In In Jupiter Fla Pha there Is a n man who never ne broke his watch crystal a S o Oh h see the theman theS theman man S The man Is Is' a a ra racketeer Tr V What 1 a t Is la a racketeer F A racketeer Is Isa isa Isa w a man wb who o enJoys enI enjoys en- en I Joys special privIleges privileges privileges In AmerIca America Amer Amer- ica lea and who gets more space In Inthe Inthe inthe the newspapers I in a a. month than honest business businessmen ss men get In their lifetimes How Flow does the racketeer obtain special privileges Its It's all aU done by mirrors machine guns armored cars and p political Are Arc racketeers ever arrested Now and then Do they go o to prison 1 Rarely arely ever Why not Its It's too difficult Some Q of them try very hard to get Into th the hoosegow hoosegow hoose hoose- gow but It Is almost Impossible If It rounded up on serious charges such as defying the Constitution general lawlessness and murder dont don't they go 0 to prison Not so flint that you ou could notice It But nut isn't there any an way a rack rack- can get the government to put him In prison Oh yes jes es there Is s one way that will greatly excite Uncle Unde Sam and cause him to deal quickly and Severely severely severely se se- verely with a racketeer teer What way Is that By giving the tue government reason to suspect that he has cheated on his Income tax return Why does the government become so suddenly alert In lu a a. case of of Income Income income In In- come tax evasions e Its It's one of ot lifes life's little m mysteries OUR DOMESTIC ANIMALS The Tue horse he Is a noble beast Hes He's mans man's best friend no doubt But hasn't been so useful since The Tue bugg ride buggy went vent out out He still sun Is seen upon the streets Or grazing In a lot Jot But as asa a m means ans of travel well He Isn't very ery hot hotI J I r love the horse and who does docs not Hes He's faithful strong and kind But Just the same sameI I think hes he's left His ills future far behind S GRAMMAR Which Is proper 1 I 1 I think the Giants were Vere playIng playIng playing play- play Ing great baseball or I think the Giants vas was pa playing great baseball And why make either statement 2 The 2 The market enjoyed a strong rally ray or The market experienced a strong rall rally And why not tell teli the truth and say that a few stocks w went nt up an eighth 3 The 3 The r radio dlo announcers announcer's voice were very pleasing or The liThe radio announcers announcer's voice was very pleasIng pleas pleas- Ing lag And do you you believe either statement 4 The 4 The ambassador attended court wearing a n piece one-piece bathing suit of ot pink and green or The IThe ambassador attended court attired In n the conventional velvet knee pants j I S WHAT'S WRONG WITH THESE SENTENCES The candidate ate for the nomination for tor the Presidency mounted the rostrum rostrum rostrum ros ros- trum and told the public c frankly how he stood on every Issue before th the American people The Broadway chorus girl left the city In deep humiliation when she found that her picture had been heen put on the first page of a newspaper newspaper per In connection with a n scandal Involving a millionaire alre merchant The fisherman n caught a n fish weighing eight pounds but refused to pose for photographs or discuss the matter Please let me walk In the rear of ot the parade begged the drum major Im Via a little bashful The Tue h senator when Interviewed on the foreign situation gave ve views s which In no way contradicted his I previous utterances on the subject The hitch-hikers hitch refused to signal sIgnal signal sig sIg- nal passing cars saying I If It anybody anybody anybody any any- body wants to pick me up they will stop for me of their own accord S S S NATURAL HISTORY Consider the wobbly pebbly fish Which Is raised In a n water pall Its It's a type of or fish that makes a swish swish swish- For It hasn't a n fishs fish's tail tait i You may look at It t most Intently and You will see seeS see how It gets Its fame tame fame For For both ends you'll see for a n certai tai tal i ty Are Arc beyond all aU dispute the same same Theres There's a a ahead head hend on the he end where the tail tall should should be And a head bead where the tall tail should not So It looks both ways while It swims and plays And It points to no given spot When its it's quite composed either way It goes And It It goes goes goe there quite calmly t too o But when crises come It acts very dumb For it c cannot think what to do It lt can swim to the left It can swim to the right And be facing the way It wishes And either end can see where Its It's been been been- Which Is not true of or other fishes |