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Show Sopping Up Knowledge in Salt Lake By ALFRED L1NDSLEY SMITH The stranger within the gates of Salt Lake City is likely to learn much within the first days of his sojourn, and on the other hand, there is much that he is likely not to learn. Among the latter, and indeed foremost, is the fearful and wonderful way in which the streets are. laid out. If the stranger is of a slightly morbid turn of mind, and allows trifles to rest heavily upon him, he is likely to imagine during the first forty-eight hours, if he undertakes to find his way about alone, that the mind which conceived the plan was either unbalanced, or was actuated by the same malicious instinct that nioved the villain fT" who orginatcd the great fifteen puzzle, or incited Mark Twain to Avritc his lunacy producing rhyme: "Punch brothers, punch, punch in the presence of the passenger." In all probability this impression would be wrong, but nevertheless never-theless the stranger cannot help feeling aggrieved when he is given an address and reads directions which seem to his fevered braiit to instruct him to go to pretty near all the points of the compass at the same time. That is the first thing he is likely not to learn when he attempts to navigate alone, and the next thing he discovers (and the discovery is accompanied by a severe pang) is the fact that the only way to " seek directions apparently lies in asking people who don't know any more about it than he docs himself. Of course, if he chances to hail from Nevada, where the streets are not marked, he will expect to find signs at the street corners telling him- where he is at, and here again he will meet bitter disappointment. Never a street sign helps to tell him whether he has guessed his direction, or whether he must hunt up a policeman who is also ignorant of the way to get anywhere. Among the crumbs of knowledge which is likely to come his way, if he chances to possess the price of wisdom, will come when his wife discovers a striped tent before whose door sits a dusky scercss, bedecked with many beads, cheap jewelry, and some grime, who says she can look at your palm and tell you everything in the world that is likely to make you miserable. If he is a dutiful and indulgent husband, he will enter the mystic presence, where he will be deftly s separated from his better half by another smoky looking daughter of mystery, and this will be the first stage of the separation process. Here, after he has placed a piece of silver in her palm and extended ex-tended it according to directions, he will be told many truly wonderful wonder-ful things about his past, hard for even him to believe, and presently he will be told something of what the future holds in store for him, which will make him wonder if he hasn't always been hiding his light under a bushel, and generally obscuring his lights when he should have been the greatest man in the country. About this time, the lady of mystery, with dirty hands, will get ready to work a charm, guaranteed guaran-teed to get him everything he wants without even the trouble of pushing a button for it, and in the process it will be necessary for him to have some more money in sight, just to help the charm along, you know. He produces his purse, pours the contents into his hand ; the dark skinned one blows gently on it ; he does the same, under instructions, in-structions, pours the money back into the purse, and presently, with his wife leaves the wisdom foundry, feeling rather chesty and much t impressed with the evident truths he has been told, p The place where he gets the real knowledge, however, is after he returns to his hotel. He has rung for something, and the bell-boy hesitates, in leaving the room, with just that degree of expectancy calculated to put the stranger in mind of the fact that Salt Lake has no anti-tipping law, and the purse is again produced and opened. There is nothing in it, and it gradually dawns upon the stranger that he has witnessed the most artistic piece of legerdemain yet placed before be-fore the public. He has learned something, and it is no discredit to the city thai ! he had to pay for the acquired knowledge. |
