Show BROADWAY AND MAIN STREET The Soft-Hearted Soft Railroad Detective Thought He Wanted Coal to Take to His Poor Old Mother By BILLY ROSE If the man who was yard detective at the East River tugboat at terminal 40 years ago will wUl drop around to my office ef Id I'd like Uke to pr pre preC present sent him with a pair of front down-front tickets for tor the show playing ut tit my theater What did the yard dick do to rate these row front ducats Well WeD I cant can't answer that one without sketching in a bit of ot my ray bumptious background The year Senator Tafts Taft's pop became be be- came carne President the Roses were living in a railroad railroad rail- rail n road flat on the tt lower East Side tour four four rooms in Ina a arow arow row each with a window that leaked cold cli cU- I mate Our ur central heating system consisted of ot a stove Inthe in inthe h the kitchen and Bill Billy Rose the cost of 01 coal being what it was 15 cents a bag it was seldom that the home were burning Most of the time I went around the house houie with a ladys lady's stocking stretched over my ears but when it got so blustery that even that didn't help I would stick an old flour nour bag into my pants ease my way into the yard back of the tugboat tugboat tug tug- boat terminal south of Manhattan bridge and swipe as much coal as asI asI asI I could carry from the piles used to fire the boilers of the tugs Then at ill now ow I 1 Will was built buill dos close to 10 Ih the tbt ground and antl fat fast aall at III atall all 1111 out get to so I 1 usually got gol away clean dlIn at as a linker dink from Irom Ih the yard J detective detective an little lillI II cu an oyster faced man mil whose whole Idea MII of o oa a good t time was wat to 10 Catch two coal eves at once one and knock kno their heads beads together together to to- gether gh One murderously cold February I was wag stuffing an old sack with choice chunks of anthracite when the dick sneaked up and caught me Dont ya 8 know what happens to kids who steal he said I could have told him they get warm but decided not to Dont tell me let me-let let me guess he went on Ya got a poor old mother and unless ya bring home some coal shell she'll catch her death of ot cold Howd ya know I saIdI saidI saidI said I also suppose yer old man hasn't worked In six months It aint that long I said but buthe buthe buthe he dont don't make much even when he does work A dozen times a day I hear the same story said the yard detec tive I know it like I know my name Suddenly to my unbelief he handed me the bag of coal and walked away Dont let me catch ya again he said As I got to the gate tie lie yelled Walt a minute and scaled a sil silver ver dollar in my direction May Maybe be help out out outI I picked up the buck floated out of the yard and kept floating until I came to a vacant lot on street where a bunch of ot my pals were making a 1 snow man of them Did ya a get it one asked Nothing to it It it I said Iff We m used two lIO lum lumps l for Ih the eyes a large chunk for lor Ih the nose nOli a few Iw smaller pieces for lor Ih the mouth and there Ih was enough left t OJ over for lor a row of 01 buttons down the Ihl front and a belt bell clear around the Ihl middle l What did I 1 do with the dollar Well there was a little mUe on Rivington street who had never given me a tumble and ond so I lot offered of to buy her a n hot chocolate at drugstore You mean you got money she saIdI saidI said I not only got for hot chocolate I bragged but for movies and after maybe ice cream That would be peachy said the little doll flashing the kind of smile that in later years I had to give up diamonds to see Well there it is Is the nasty little secret Ive I've been harboring for 40 years I wont won't go as far as to say its it's been keeping me awake nights but well but well Id I'd feel a lot better if the theold theold theold old yard detective were to pick up those down front down front ducats |