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Show SE EEN d HEARD IID \ - QIV QIVI QIVMAIN "MAIN MAIN " MAIN STREET STUEET STUEETI STREETAngry STREET.rip I .rip rip . . . " \ : = I . . 1 1w 1Angry II w -I I - II IAngry I AngryV.Jfe Angry 'y y ' \ . Wife \V.Jfe V.Jfe o1e ' . "Now Now " that I have a aFrididaire aFndidaire : Fndidalre Frididaire , , . see " , what hat JOu you ou can do doabout doabnut : abut about ' ) getting gettmg a mechanical mpchanlcal s.crc scrc score scoretart sccrctary ( . ' tal'Y talY tart ' ' " ' " * . . . DefinitionOLD DefinitionOLD Definition DefinitionOLD OLD TIMER One wro wl'o wlo wr"o wro ' " can re- re remember lC ic-member ic member - . member , when .hen hen . Neck " vas "ns ns bas a Noun Nouninstcad NounInstead Nouninstead instcad Instead of a Verb . * . * . And AmI , " what's whats "hat's hats ' ' become of the thegirl thegirl thegirl girl "ho ho also , " lio used to scream at tbefirst thefirst the tbe the.My first kiss " ' . . . .My My . My .Myftife MyIfe ' \ -ftife ftife \\Ife Ife cite - has iun lun run away v vith Ith a amall amarl aman-in aman in mall marl - . in my car ! " Good 'G0Od G0Od ' heavens ' Not Notoui \oui oui 'OUI .our our \ ' . new newcarl newcar newcar carl car " ' " S * . S * . S . S"I "I I " hear someone took youi yoUl your car carlast carlast carlast last night Did Sou s .ou ou . u notify Shenff Sheriff ShenffSkev SheriffSkew SheriffSkewes Skev Skew . es ? " ' , "It It .It " . was Sheriff Skewes Skev.es Skeves , . who tookI tookit tookit took it " , . I . . . I ITimes , Times must be better bett.er . A sun suri.ey suriey suri.eymade sur\eymade sur eymade \ . ey i imade made in Topeka re\eals re eals reseals \ that th-at th at - db- db dis- dis dbcarded discarded dk-carded dk carded - carded cigaret clgaret butts are much muchlonger muchlonger muchlonger longer , . with v.lth vlth pith .fewer fewer le\\er le er . ' \ men looking foi f01 for forthem f01them them . . . POJlEThere POMEThere POME POJ\lE POJ lE POMEThere \ Thereas There \ was \\as as ttias . , a . young clerk lerk namedNye named ' \ Nye , Of brains bralni heVas he \ was \Vas Vas born rather shy shyWhen , When somebody said said"Can saidCan , . "Can Can " " vou yOU stand on your he head head"He headHe dtt dttHe ' ? ' ! " He r replica replied replica"No < , plled , . ' -"No "No No - " 'No No ' No , I 1 can t , it's its ' tooh toohigh too toohtgh htgh high h gb . ; ' ' . . . r . I ICaubln rCaution Caution Caubln , . j jWARNING : WARNING- WARNING WARNINGSIG - SIG SIGf-4S SIGf 4S SIGNS ' - iS at r ildoapj ildoapjcroSIng5 ra raildoad.crossings raildoadcrossings ldoaii ldoaiicrossings . croSIng5 crossings $ were not not put theie thele there for thernformaton the theinformation I Imformation rnformaton information mformation { of the he engmeer engineer . I . . * . , . , " . ' ' . ; f- f fDefinition - DefinitionIDEAL DefinitionIDEAL Definition DefinitionIDEAL IDEAL COMBINATION C01mINA'I'ION C01mINAIION ' . When When'a Whena ' " a man would r rather ther play golf than titan thaneat titaneat thaneat eat , and hlsIfe his hls ' wife \Ife Ife safe IfeoJld \ ' \ woJid \\oJld oJld soJld oJldathcr rather -athcr athcr ; - playbru:1ge playbridge play playbridge bridge bru:1ge bru1ge : , , than cook , , y . - . - \ . , .r- .r .rSign - ' - Sign Sign in 1.n 1n is . meat neat market , , . PLEASE PLEASEDON PLEASEDON PLEASEDONT DON T WHISTLE WmSTLE NEAR THE rilE THESAUSAGE THESAUSAGE rilESAUSAGE SAUSAGE COUNTER . * . . Eskimos may m ma maL L be a . strong race and andneer andnever andne\er andne er ne\er ne er never \ weep , yet they all have theIrdalJy theirdaily their theirdally dally dalJy daily blubber"I blubber . . * . " "I I " never kissed a girl gul before beforein In my life 1Jfe , " said the J young youngman oung oungman oungman man . Then he carefully re- re relnoed reinotied re removed - moved lno\ed lno ed inotied \ the cigars from his vest vestpocket vestpocket vestpocket pocket before taking takmg the gal Inhis inhis in inhis his arms . . . . Advice to Husbands HusbandsHow HusbandsHow HusbandsHow How to have ha\e ha e hate \ the last word Justsay Justsay Just Justsay say "yes yes " " . * . . The following followmg conversation be- be betv.een between be between - tween tv.een tveen . Edgar Kerby and RossThomson Ross RossThomson RossThomson Thomson Thomsonas ' \ was \\as as bas overheard at Moab MoabGarage MoabGarage MoabGarage Garage service statIon'HeJJo station Hello 'HeJJo HeJJo ' , Edgar , I hear pear your dog 1s is 1sdead isdead isdead dead " Yes " . 'Was Was 'Was Was ' ' Was it a lap dcg dDg dog ? ' 'Yes Yes "Yes " ' it would lap anythingWhat anything " What 'What ' did it 1t die of ? ' "It It " 'It It ' It died of a Tuesday Tuesd3Y " 'I I ' I mean how did dJd it dIe die9 dies ? ' 'It It ' It died dJed on its back bac1 . . " . 'But But 'Buthat ' But \ what \\hat hat that \ hatas \ was \as as " , the complaint complamt ? There 'There ' waSIl wasn wasnt t any - everybody everybody\\as everybody as everybodybas i i"as "as as bas " \ \ satisfied ' I I 'Tell Tell ' Tell me what disease dJse-ase dJse ase - did the dog dogdie dogdie I , dIe of oP of9 ? ' , I ! He s\\ s sa11o swallowed \ \ a11o\\ a11o a11oed \ ed a tape measure measure " i 'Oh Oh ' ' Oh and died by inches mches , . I suppose9 suppose sup- sup supipose9 - 1 ipose9 ? ' ' ! { ' pose pose9 'No No ' No heent he \ went \\ent ent sent \ outside out.sIde . and died by I ' Ithe I Ithe the yard ard " . . . Y I i i'Whats 'Whats Whats ' , W 1at tats s happened here here9 ? ' asked askedthe askedthe askedthe the policeman pJliceman : of the battered form formof formof formofa I of -a a 3 ' . - man on the sIde\\ sIde sidewalk sIdealk \ \ alk outside outsidean outsidean outsidean an apartment ho houseOh house houseOh Oh , just absent-mmdedness absent mmdedness absent-mindedness mindedness absent-mindedness"was absent mindedness"was mindednesswas - , " was the replyWhat replyWhat reply replyWhat What do you mean , absent- absent absentmmdedness absentmindedness absent-mindedness absent mindedness - mmdedness mindedness ? ' ' snap snapped snaP'red snaPred ' ' ed the police POl1ce- POl1ce police- POl1cema policeman policeman - - ! ma man n n'Well 'Well Well ' Well , , you ; ou see I live on the thefourth thefourth I fowih fourth ! flool lool floor of this thls building bwldmg buildmg My MyV'1fe Mywife Mywife \V'1fe V'1fe V1fe wife \ ' and I are b both bath bothery th : > \ery ery .ery \ ' . ery absent- absent absentmmded absentminded absent-minded absent minded - mmded minded I had just come came home from froma a long business tnp trip and my wIfe wIfeand wifeand wifeand and I were at the dinner dumer dmner table A Astep Astep Astep step sounded in the hall and some some- someone someone someone - one tried the door Well WeB , my wIfe wIfeIS wifeis wifeis IS so absent minded that she said , great 'great ' goodness , here comes my myhusband myhusband myhusband husband ' ' S3 1 So & me being just about aboutas aboutas aboutas as absent-minded absent minded - a as she is , I IJumpe Ijumped Ijumped Jumpe jumped { ) . out theindo the \\indo\\/ indo \ window \ \ / , " ' |