Show Our War News Depends I Upon the Point of View Birsky and a Decide I If German Pot Roast and Potato Pancakes Pancakes Pan cakes Give an Editor Indigestion Almost Almos t Anything Can Happen to the Crown own Prince By r GLASS Illustrations by Briggs Copyright 1916 Tho rho Tribune Association Asso Asso- The The New York Tribune I It looks like things Is going to to-be to be pretty serious down In Mexico Barnett Barnett Bar Bar- nett the waist manufacturer I II saidI said Baid I bet yer It does Louis Birsky the real agreed If we get get I six months of ot that trouble in Mexico its it's liable to be as bad as six hours bours of ot the trouble In Europe I dont don't know about that said I 8 see Bee e in the papers that it says when General Pershing gets a little ways into Mexico he is going to run up against some stiff stift opposition The papers could already say anything any any- thing about what is going on on in Mex Mex- Mexico leo ico Birsky retorted bec because use the Mexican news Is censured the same same- as the European news and you are no more able to tell how many miles the American army travels in Mexico as how many prisoners the Germans captures near Verdun It all Il depends on the way the editor feels about It If It he thinks the boss would be tickled by the capture of ot a couple cou pIe thousand French prisoners he captures cap cap- tures them in the home edition yun I and if he lie goes out to lun lunch h J t 0 0 1 a a Q G Ga I a O 0 0 00 0 c h 0 0 0 00 i Against the peace and dignity of William Wit Wil liam Ilam an eats eats German pot ro roast st mit kar kar- and it begins to tet tell on him around 3 3 o'clock understand me the he French rench army chases the tile Germans Germans Ger Ger- mans out of six lines of ot trenches and the first page of the Wall street edition edi edition edi- edi df- df tion way back to page 3 column 4 next to the weather reports Then again certain New York papers Is competitors of other New York papers and if it for Instance the Evening Moon sinks two British cruisers in the Baltic Balic Bal Bal- tic ic and also carries ten more agate lines ines of dry goods advertisements as ashe the he Evening News the Evening News kills the crown prince e operates on the kaiser for tor throat trouble and otherwise makes things look pretty schlecht for tor Germany Well WelI ther there's theres s one thing about this here her censuring Birsky said Former times ie papers was allowed to print the truth they was practically duplicates whereas nowadays nowadays nowadays nowa nowa- days its it's really while to pick pickup up a couple papers in the subway and even If someone threw them a away way the day before Birsky Birsky you yOU could read em em with Just as much pleasure providing providing pro pro- viding they aint oder herring or something some some- thing Sure I know Birsky said but butI I why do they call themselves newspapers pers If the Evening Evenin Moon would change hange its name to Zippy Stories instead of a Icemen being kept in front of at its buletin bulletin bulletin bul- bul letin etin board to the Leute using concealed hyphens on one another understand me they could be released to play checkers i in the he the station house or fracture pushcart peddlers' peddlers skulls or for any other regular poll police e duty Or even better still why dont don't the censurer m make ke them papers send him copies to look over after they're printed so as h he could could cut out al alt all I the lies They done that in Europe when the war started explained and most of at the newspapers come out with nothing in em but Help Wanted Wanted- Males and Arrival of ot Buyers Then the public kicked so hard haid that the censurer cen cen- censurer surer made It a rule If he lie cut o out t anything the own owner owner r of the paper had had to put something in its place so nowadays nowadays nowadays now now- Birsky when Mr Edward Levy Lawson owner of ot the London Daily Dany Telegraph or Mr Cyril Chaimowitz owner of the London Daily sends their papers to the censurer and he returns it to them Just in time to slap in the closing Wallstreet Wallstreet Wall Wallstreet street prices and box scores stand the editor dont don't take it so p particular par particular par par- r. r to fix up the blank spaces with new original stuff He puts In whatever whatever what what- ever hes he's got handy and the conse conse- jR y 1 i t r rI I I I e s t r r's s sih ih ty The wife finds out that his celery and olive cards has haa got punched out two portions each is that the front page has got a. a alot lot of ar articles ies like ke this THE WAR I STARTLING ADMISSIONS IN PARLIAMENT PARLIAMENT i 4 5 ji J MR ASQUITH'S DECISION I Pr Proposals to Meet Problems of Recruiting Re Re- The House of at Commons continued continued con can the d debate bat on the recruiting recruit recruit- recruiting ing bill today Mr Asquith said that so far as he lie was concerned he knew A steel horseshoe magnet can can hold in suspension a w weight ight up to twenty times its own tf Iowa possesses more automobiles automobiles automo automo- biles bites per capita of population than any other state in the union It is estimated that there are over 6 6 automobiles to every everyman everyman everyman man woman aD and child in Iowa A camels camel's hind legs will reach its head and round its chest or oro oron oron o on to to its hump Dall Dail Dally Telegraph Classified Ads are busy little hustlers hustler Try them for quick results Jesuits Naturally Birsky when a R feller is Ie paying his good 1 cent to find out something about the tae war he oser cares how many states could be by bythe the number of ot people traveling traveling traveling trav trav- eling in the New York subways during during during dur dur- ing 1914 and that which is is' is is used in the manufacture of ot high grade perfumery is so expensive that if it an concern keeps six salesmen on the the road and does an annual annual an an- nual busin business ss of at two twenty-two grains Its It's already sensational what happens when you begin begin begin be be- gin to monkey with a big army Birsky said They start In by telling telling tell tell- ing you what you c could uld read and after tJ that at they run the whole thing like in G Germany Over in Germany today the government government has issued food cards such as bread read cards soup cards fish entree roast celery olives lives e dessert and coffee cards Each Bach card is good for ono week and seven selen portions like for tor instance the soup card reads 1 2 3 4 6 5 6 7 Punch Here Good for Week of Jan January ary Seven 7 6 8 65 68 ASSORTED SOUP I William Proprietor i iSo iI I So when a feller goes to a restaurant restaurant rant rant and and gives an an order he must got gotto gotto gotto to got his cards with him and have em punched by the tho waiter walter otherwise they wouldn't serve him In that way the government can find tind out how much food Is being ett and If it for instance too many soup cards is s being turned in at the end of at a we week ek and it looks like the supply of ot soup aint going to last through the war the government partly shuts down on soup soup and issues issues' weekly soup cards for for only three plates size ij 7 78 That's the way the government keeps track of ol things Zap r Also a fellers feller's wife could keep track of things too said Supposing Sup posing Dosing a German German business man starts out Monday morning with a line of brand new food cards and when ho he comes homo home that ni night I it ho f leaves them in his overcoat pocket while lie IK to wash And goes up supposing supposing sup sup- posing the wife finds out that his ale celery cel eel celery ery and olive cards goes gOE'S week after week without a single Imle in em has got punched out two portions each She then looks through the entire entire entire en en- tire line and discovers that certain others cards which ordinarily aint touched like the tho cream de cIe mint card and the ice cream card has lIas also got gota a couple holes punched into em Bir- Bir sky What show does a feller teller like that stand to prove an alibi Am I right o or wrong be be a whole lot worsen for a feller if it him and three other men gets together on Monday morning and makes up four full decks decks' of at two fifty food toad cards each and then starts up a little game mused If It such a feller plays in hard luck and continually continually contin contino bucks up against such hands hande as roasts full tull of at olives when he Is holding only three small entrees we would say for example its it's a question of or time only when he is either frozen out altogether y or else quits with only twenty eight charlotte to go on with the rest of at the week He could also probably get arrested arrested arrested ar ar- ar- ar rested for it Lapp Birsky said because because be cause in Germany even before belore the I war the things a feller eller could get arrested arrested ar ar- ar I II 1 I rested for run ruu all the way from cor cor- net playing In the first degree down as far as poli politeness eness to old ladies and cripples second offense and the consequences consequences consequences con con- sequences was waa that per cent of the Ule population of Berlin was either out on bail ball or under suspended sen sen- tence But now that's nothing al al- ready Since the war started and they put on on the lIle lid tight stand and everything to eat Is unter unter- the grand Jury of at Berlin county is sitting eighteen hours a day handing down indictments against respectable respectable re reo re- re business men doctors and lawyers for willfully maliciously feloniously feloniously feloniously felo felo- and against the statute in such case made and provided and the I peace and dignity of ot Wilhelm Hohen- Hohen zollern king of ot Prussia and emperor of ot Germany eating potatoes without the skins on or drinking coffee with more than two lumps of at sugar in it Yes the only people In In Germany which aint habitual crimi criminals nals pals died of at starvation six months ago and if a tell teller feller r goes to work and thoughtlessly eats a full tull meal he r runs rims ns a chance of spending the rest of at his life In Jail I for fat a complication of ot offenses ranging all the way ay from anchovies to 1 back I That may be Birsky said but the the- kaiser could cut em down i ion on their food a whole lot more and still the Germans wouldn't starve starve because because be be- cause when his family doctor tells the average American that he is making a god out of his stomach and digging his Ills own grave with his teeth yun that's the equivalence of ot a aGerman aGerman aGerman German going on a strict diet Birsky which even today yet it is considered In Bavaria that if It a man limits himself himself him him- self to twelve quarts of at beer a day he is awful narrow minded and In a away away away way a total abstainer So after all I Birsky It aint so much stinginess with the kaiser as to o make the German people as healthy lu as the he heGerman German German army aimy The German army healthy Birsky Bir- Bir sky exclaimed what I said replied I The whole German army gets once a am m month nth a vaccinating for fifty tifty diseases ranging from hangnails hangnail to acute aus- aus I The German army doctors I Is il simply wonderful that way Every German soldier that gets killed dies In the pink of physical condition Then there is really no reason why a German soldier shouldn't live to be bea a hundred Birsky sugg suggested sted Barring a accidents said I UNITY AND EFFICIENCY Our Job is to secure the German re result result result re- re sult of unity and efficiency but to secure that result in line with AmerIcan American American Amer Amer- ican tr traditions and American Ideas to secure it as the result of ot operating co-operating free men and to secure secure It without producing producing producing pro pro- pro pro- the psychology which in Germany Germany Germany Ger Ger- many has been a source of ot such dreadful dreadful dreadful dread dread- ful world evil This calls for a definite program at once on the part of ot our government as well as as on the part of ot the owners and of capital We Ye must as a a. government have the machinery to secure us the facts on which industrial industrial industrial indus indus- trial adjustments must be made We mutt must create conditions such as to en- en aple us to deal wisely and courageously courageous courageous- ly with the con conditions these facts make evident We Ve need a national industrial industrial indus indus- tri trial l commission as an Instrument for the facts affecting the re relations relations relations re- re lations of capital and labor As we have ha an interstate commerce commission commis commis- I sion slon n to deal with commerce and indusI industry indus- indus I try so we ne H need d a federal Indu industrial 1 r 4 y ni J I It begins begin to tell on hi him m around 3 o'clock commission to deal with labor and I management It will not do to wait walt until strikes are upon us The frequent frequent frequent fre fre- quent recurrence of strikes throughout the country is one of the gravest signs of and anel even graver are the evidences of ot unrest throughout the country which do not culminate In strikes To remedy this situation not notI I by mere palliatives but b by genuinely effective action we must have a a. permanent permanent permanent per per- manent body consisting of men far farsighted farsighted farsighted I sighted experienced in statesmanship of real Independence and of ot broad sympathies which are as far tal removed from silly sentimentality as from hard I arrogance and lack of consideration for tor others Such a body must represent the five interests that are embodied in I every business wit to-wit First ownership ownership ownership owner owner- ship of capital second the management management manage manage- I ment of ot the industrial processes third labor fourth the relation of Industry to to the Individual states fifth the re relation relation relation re- re I lation of industry to the national government gov gov- the the last two including the relation of oJ Industry y to the general pub pub- lic Theodore Theodore Roosevelt in the March Metropolitan l NOT A FAIR TEST Louis D. D Brandeis nominee for the supreme court said sald at a Washington reception apropos of a charge of ot bre breach ch of faith that had ha been made against him The They who take on themselves to Judge me arc are perhaps unfair Their test of me is like the ear trumpet test An ear trumpet you know was brought to a deaf old gentleman and for a test friend Jones shouted through It Jones only too anxious to get the theold theold old gentleman's attention shouted Into the ear trumpet II I I I sa say you know old fellow you haven't paid me that fifty you borrowed borrowed borrowed bor bor- rowed last year yet The deaf old gentleman shook his head I Take It aw away y h he said The silly thing thing- aint a bit of good Rood to me me WOUNDED THRONG LEMBERG 1 The Immense station at Lemberg Lemberg- or Lvov as as the Russians call it it waa wa 1 jj choked with troops running and calling call call- Jj Ing with soldiers as asleep on the filthy f floor Ioor with stupefied refugees wanderIng wander wander- Ing log vaguely about No one one questioned or stopped us though Lemberg was was wu one of ot the forbidden places We drove drova through the ancient and royal Polish city between the gloomy walls of ot great stone buildings like Roman and Flor j Flor entine palaces palaces once once e the seats of cir the tho worlds world's proudest nobility In little i squares among the medieval twisted streets were Gothic churches of or the 7 great period period high high thin roofs roots spires of ot 4 1 i delicate stone tracery and rich rose windows Immense modern German buildings bulked across the noble |