| Show Lip in anAir With I nd nd BirskY You Got to Die Sometime Sometime Some- Some Sometime time and a Long Expensive Ex Ex- x- x Jl pensive Sickness Aint Pleasant so Learn to Fly I iA B MONTAGUE r GLASS I Illustrations ll by Briggs C 3 i g 1 1916 Tile The Tribune The New York t Tribune 1 1 zeo see e where the president of ot the Airy o Club of ot America has got a new plan to encourage young fellers ellers to learn leach how Jiow to fly said Louis Birsky the real Feal as he laid do down the morning paper in res res- taur nt What was the tho old plan Barnet Barnel the waist manufacturer asked Well Nell Birsky replied I I suppose ho Ito took the young feller to one side and said Listen be a sport You got gotto to die some time and a long expensive expensive ex ex- pensive sickness aint so pleasant I neither Get it over quick Learn to fl fly And naturally the young feller r-as r not encouraged Barnett sug sug- Naturally Birsky said So So now the president of the Airy o o club says learn it Looky here why dont don't you flying lying in an airy and after you graduate 1 I would get you and two thousand of ot your classmates to fly from here hero bis San Francisco and who vho arrives first gets Aber supposing the feller eller dont don't arrive arrive arrive ar ar- ar- ar rive first Lapp inquired Then that's his funeral Birsky said Well VeIl then where does the encouragement encouragement en en- come i in com commented commented Furthermore Birsky this this' here president of ot the o Airy-o Club of ot America has got it wrong The thing to todo do is not to encourage young fellers fellers fel fel- lers ler to le learn rn it flying in an o airy plane but to DIS-courage DIS em gem Well what he said in m the first place didn't sound so encouraging to tome tome me Birsky said What he be said was all right right admitted but he didn't lay no pipes for It For instance if I would Gott soil soli huten be the president of the Airy o o Club of ot America and I 1 1 wanted a a a- young ayoung you g feller he should be an airy- airy I anaut 1 l would find out where the young feller teller is working and get him tired fired I 1 would then fix things so that the girl h he Is going to marry wouldn't got nothing to do with him no more Haf I would use all aU this this' as evidence why his father tather should throw w him out of ot the house du do mach mich and when I got the young feli feller fel fel- i ler absolutely In despair stand I 1 would lay ay for him at the drug drugstore drugstore drugstore store and Just when he lle is going to buy the poison he is figuring on taking taking tak tak- taking ing I would say to him bim Listen since the war has stopped Germany shipping shipping ship ship- ping drugs to America you couldn't i rely on poisons no more Save your money and try something certain Learn to fly Aber not cc co the funny side o of this thing why Is IlL it w paint we got more as one airy ny flyer flyer- to Europe's twenty Birsky asked Its from a question etiquette replied Over In Europe If U a ayoung ayoung young feller teller has got a father ather with a rating about D to F credit fair lair for such sucha a young feller to work forJa fora living is considered like eating with his knife or wearing tan shoes With a full tull dress suit So what is isa isa isa a feller laIler like that to do Cards he soon gets get tired of ot because youve you've go goto got gol gotto t to use y your ybur Our head to play cards an anin and andin andIn d in Europe up to the present war using your head wasn't considered s so o neither and tennis i is all allright right once In a while Birsky aber abe r It if a feller eller is hitting a ball mit a clu club b day darin In day out he might t Just so well ell be hitting a nail mit a hammer and become a carpenter und un d fertig The fiTe consequences was that thai t until alry was invented all such a young feller could do to ge geany get t any excitement out of life lite was t to o climb mountains mit snow on em o ogo or or r go to Africa and once In a awhile awhile while a menagerie animal like a lion oder ode a tiger However Birsky after r alry airy was invented flying become become be be- come more fashionable than mountain moun moun- tain thin climbing and killing menagerie animals as It was found out to be b e Just as dangerous but with less traveling trav tray eling expenses and more convenient t ta to toa toa o a hospital So therefore fo for tor r every son of a millionaire in this s country which is working hard t to o carry catTy on the old mans man's business an and d give employment to to thousands o of ot df f I operators y understand they got over ove r i In Europe a son of ot a millionaire who wh 0 Js Is learning to in i fly an airy alry an and d has working for him steady two me I Icha cha a surgeon and a trained traine d nurse nurse I Well 11 you couldn't blame such a u I young feller in especially If It he is goIng go go- I In Ing out a good deal Into society Birsky said The fact that a feller feUer r is learning In an alry an and d so soto to speak could never tell which moment Is going to be his next makes him in a way very Interesting 1 to meet especially for ladles ladies 7 pp I I I II y I I IJ II W I J v 1 x f. f N Q c c rc c Youve got to use to placards play pla y c cards cards- L j 7 D 0 Q 0 0 6 Op 0 p e i a tI sR au o II DOtu II r tr u G J t r ta j 1 O 0 to h tl 1 0 DO Qa 0 Q ro roq Q 00 O O a 0 or r 0 II 11 1 0 oJ CJ 0 Oi n 00 0 on in Ao o r N M Mt 0 1 I I tl e W 1 l to iV r 1 t 0 rr t D r I I 4 I The air would be bl ack with customers which they could say Only yesterday h he was talking tome to tome tome me the same like you are now Also an airy flyer has got a tropic of conversation more attractive to ladies which I dont don't care how flow good looking a young American millionaire millionaire mil mil- could be y understand if he would sit down and tell a lady how he was up till three In the morning figuring the costs on a big shipment of enamel ware washtubs and how by reapportioning g the overhead he cut the independent manufacturers manufacturers' price 10 per cent is It any wonder wonder won won- der that the daughters of our best families prefer a mit a foreign foreign foreign for for- eign noble feller Am I right or I wrong Yes and no said Because while your Idee is a good talking point for the president of ot the o Airy-o club Birsky supposing he does prom prom- promIse promise ise a feller teller that if he becomes a nairy nairy- he stands a chance to leave leavea a rich provided the wedding takes place before the accident y yun where is the inducement The fact of the Ule matter is Birsky that the members of ot the o Airy-o Club cf t America is starting In from the wrong end What them fellers should ought to do is to get after the manufacturers ers to make up a line of ot semi safe alry where if it you fly In em you will stand a s show for your life between a aI feller working In a powder mill mm and anda I a teller feller In a submarine submarine in in other words not so safe that It wouldn't be considered a a a. good tropic of con con- conversation conversation with ladies ladles but safe sate enough so that an insurance company couldn't defend an action on the policy under the suicide in two years clause For my part I am content to stay out of alry airy till they get getso getso so common that talking about flying in em will be so much much a tropic of conversation as saying ain aint tit it a rotten rotten rot rot- ten weather wo are having Birsky I declared At the same time I II I think that time is coming fast on an account I seen it in the papers where over in Europe they are learning a great deal from alry atry and that after the war Is over over they will make big improvements In inThe em I The Germans Is doing that Birsky Bir Bir- sky said Every time an airy airy falls with his airy alry atry understand y the German ambulance comes running with do doctors tors and nurses and they rush to the airy o plane and lift it up carefully so as not to hurt it ft ft Birsky and they put it it in a ambulance y understand and anda a a at couple doctors attend to the engine and two nurses wrap up the propel propel- ler let Then Than quarters with military honors hon ors and they hey hold a postmortem on It and they write to the manufacturer all about why it fell together with a full account of its last moments Aber what does the German am do for tor the airy alry Birsky Bir sky asked What should the they do for or him film asked The Germans Germano is try fug ing to Improve airy alry not airy airy- Over in Germany they dont don't encourage young fellers fellers' to to become airy alry They give em em their choice of becoming either an airy airy- on provided ut Oder a target Alry is pr provided vided for alry alry In Germany Birsky not not airY alry opia nes for airy o In the same way the German German Ger Ger- man government ain aint t trying nowadays to see that the German people gets l I plenty of food Birsky Th They y are seeing seeIng see see- ing to it that the German food tood gets plenty of people Tiley got one min ister over there in especially t to o look after the food and see that none of ot it Is wasted Birsky aber they aint got nobody in Germany to be eco economical with people and the consequence conse conse- consequence quence is that they they-re getting wasted something terrible While the minister minister minis minis- ter of ot food supplies was working overtime over over- time superintending the planting and cultivation of ot onions in the Berlin public parks people was waft wasted In front of Verdun alone and the lie result will be Birsky that after the war is over the kaiser will be reigning over some of at the finest onions In in n existence The German o airy planes will also be A number one Birsky But the But the pour German people will be seconds broken lots and discontinued styles in small sizes only V Well Well Birsky said even if we would get get- geta a bi big influx of undersized Germans after fter the war well we'll also get l t f L the benefit of ot the ills improvements inGerman in inGerman German airy without having to I waste airy alry of our own own You think that and I think that Birsky aber the o Airy-o Club of ot America America Amer Amer- I ica ca thinks said Their idee is that we we shouldn't watt walt till the war is s over but we should go right ahead experimenting on our o own wn account mit airy and learn from one accident to another just what it was about the I that killed the airy One member member member mem mem- ber of the club in particular feels feels' quite sore that we should be willing to learn by Europe's mistakes and not by our own so he is offering a trophy for or an annual airy competition tion for flying flying across across the tiie continent What for a trophy Birsky asked fie He ie didn't say replied but the chances Is it would be a wilder In sterling silver holding in her right hand handa a cancelled insurance policy and underneath the motto Kindly omit I flowers ft And he expects that American airy airy- will risk their lives flying to the Pacific coast for tor such a Birsky said I I suppose the second prize prize- is a safety razor with twelve blades and aId styptic pencil in leather leather- Ine me case complete a aa the third prize a years year's subscription to any two of the following magazines Its It's too bad that the north pole was discovered before be be- fore ore this here member of the o Airy club started in to offer prizes He might of lo loosened up up to Admiral Peary for a cutglass olive dish or something I guess the pr president of the o Airy-o I club thought the same thing as you Birsky said because so soon as he got the letter from the member member mem mem- ber who offered the trophy he comes right back with an offer of for for- first prize second prize for third prize for fourth fourth prize and so by degrees down to You clone done noble Ifor for Cor the ninth prize Fine work for the Ithe tenth prize and aud What detained you for or the eleventh eleventh elev twelfth and thirteenth prizes Sure I know know Birsky commented but aint to be sniffed at at neither It lIt funs Tuns into money admitted ad matted aber you take a young fel fel- fel el ler her which is willing to stand on a tight rope feet high and Juggle with a lighted ax a stick sUck of ot dynamite and six cigar boxes yun yn and the least that they would pay him In vaudeville is 1000 a week so why should such a young feller feller leave a comparatively safe occupation oc occupation occupation oc- oc like that and go into airy airy- flying on the chance that he lie would win a prize once a year equivalent equivalent lent to two two fifths fifths of his regular salary salary sal sal- ary Birsky No Birsky for airy airy- flying lying prizes is nix What the o Airy club ought to do is to organize organize organize organ organ- ize right away an accident insurance department and give Grive free of charge to eV every young feller who Is willing villing willingto to learn carn it flying fling In an airy in addition to the a airy a regular regular reg ular accident insurance policy and a salary in proportion to the risk the teller feller is taking And how long would the Airy o Club of America last under them expenses ex ex- exI Birsky Basked and Zap I shrugged his shoulders I I ne never er looked up their rating he replied y Then what are you driving Into Birsky inquired I I am driving Into this Birsky Tapp said The feller teller who is givIng giving ing the trophy and nd the president an and d members of ot the Airy o o club Is al all worked U up about the United States State s not being prepared for tor war with airy airy- The Idee is that if the United States aint so prepared Birsky Birsky Bir sky when the war comes the losses fosse In airy alry and airy will b be tremendous In fact they'll be pretty near near-as big as the airy losses fosse which have occurred in preparing for fox forthe forthe the war if we had prepared for tor it ft Now I believe in Insurance Birsky saber aber If it the premium Is bigger biger tha than the prospective loss Birsky my ideis idee ide is to trust to luck that you wouldn't have no fire But Birsky protested w we e must got ot to got some airy i in incase incase L case of a war Listen Birsky said Theris There Ther is already entered in the Airy o clubs club's contest thirteen concerns which manufactures manufactures man man- airy in the United Unite States and so far as I heard it the they aint in business for the benefit they the will get from the systematic exercise e of making up a weekly pay roll exactly ex ex- So you can trust them fellers feller s to see to It that enough young millionaires millionaires millionaires mil mil- learns to fl fly to net the manufacturer manufacturer man man- anyhow 10 per cent on his investment investment and and that is the secret of ot airy Birsky To the members of ot the Airy o Club of ot America an airy airy is only an airy- airy but to a feller in in the airy business an airy is something more than that He Is a customer Birsky So therefore Birsky what the o Airy Club America of must dois do doIs dois Is to train traveling salesmen for tor the manufacturers of airy opla es and incase in incase incase case of ot war Birsky the air would be black with customers i i. i r T 4 1 4 r r 4 4 n b r m r y i n r i 1 1 h 1 St D. D r S k L I 1 would lay far lor r him at at t t the c drus drugstore r J I t tor F. F t i q fJ Q C |
