Show u II a u ual I al In BETTY BLAIR 1 Letters etters and questions for this department should be addressed to Miss Belt Betty Blair Hearts Heart's Haven Salt Lake Telegram Write only on one side aide of the paper It Is necessary to append your name and address addres but these I are held In confidence and will not be published or Dear Dear M Miss in Betty need I I. I need a friend friend friend-a a counselor I haven't any parents brother or sister I am all alone alon All the relatives I have are my husband yand and children So will you please be be bela a friend to to me I 1 know y you u have in In your position in In Hearts Heart's Haven That sounds so J good I wish it could be Hearts Heart's Haven for me I married when I was 17 years told old fold came here as an innocent convert 16 years old old believed believed everything I was told Of course made a big mistake when I 1 married mar mar- ried Hed the first time time time-no no one to advise advise advise ad ad- vise me Getting married at 17 was wasa a mistake in itself I know that now That man disappeared I married again five years ago j This man was very nice treated nice treated me fin fine until I had two babies I have i ve two children by my former husband and since sinco the babies are here heie he treats t them em just awfully They are here only to wait on those babies Whenever he has to tov v buy them something hell he'll swear swear- say he wont won't that their father should uld do do it it that he has to look his own Just as if they weren't my own too tool I I have stood a a Jot Jot- of little things all the time end and never said anything for the childrens children's sake but I cant can't stand stant it any any more For about the last two years i j lie he has been drinking has joined tad bad b l friends It has coarsened him so iD dreadfully he doesn't seem the same man He hasn't one bit of consideration for me or my children chil chil- dren iren I am only the babies' babies nurse and his slave He goes on vacations vacations vaca vaca- in in the summer for weeks at a time and leaves me home with scarcely enough car fare Hs He has has' got me just where he wants me He told me that once when he was was drunk I guess its it's true I spoiled him I know Ive I've always always al- al ways been home always had his meals meals' ready always tried to do everything he liked Wo We go only to to shows he le likes only visit peo- peo pie he likes we eat only what I he e h likes and in fact I so subh submerged submerged sub sub- merged my personality in in his wishes th that t I feel like a fool I 1 I have been s saving and have gone without this and wi without hout that on account of the children so he sho feel their expense and believe me it wOuld be hard to keep just a woman looking de decent decent decent de- de cent on west w at t I have for myself and and children He would be afraid of losing his manhood if he handed m ms me half or of his liis check I must ask him for every cent and tell him what for I had gotten so so tired of it ask ask- asklIng askIng lIng Ing him for necessary things that I just opened a charge account t In one of the department stores and bought and bought me a pair of slip slip slip- pers I needed them and he knew it it it I J needed them so ba badly lly I IWas Iwas was was ashamed to have the clerk remove my shoe Now he tells tell s I me he will not pay for them that I J should have asked him Oh Miss Blair isn't all this small Lam Iam so sick of it My children are e just as bad badly I of off and I 1 dare not lot buy them thc anything If it weren't for the babies I 1 could go out and earn our clothes c. c I sew everything for myself and andall i all the children I wash I have done all the washing since my baby was 5 weeks old even in 0 c 7 5 the the coldest weather I I wouldn't mind if he appreciated it but it its s seems seems ems the more you do the less they think of you He Is an but never takes me to those affairs because be be- cause I haven't suitable clothes Iam lam I am very careful to appear nice and it it isn't very easy when you you 9 haven't anything 1 I just finished school when I came here six here six years normal school two years high school and two years finishing school in a French boarding school I speak and write German French and English I was a practical nurse before I married the second time and liked it fine 1 J am telling you all this because I must find finda a position that enables me to earn enough to dress my children childr n and myself I will not ask anything more of him Miss Blair what can I do Shall ShallI I I get someone to come in in by the day and take care of the babies and make him pay for it so I could go to work since he refuses to even even pay for my shoes I have havea a girl eleven and a boy eight years old they would be all right The girl is so helpful and de She he has helped me so much with the babies I dont don't know what I would have done without her Please Betty tell me what to do Where could I get work I tried to canvass but butI I just cant can't do it I am m 30 years old and it seems there is nothing nothing nothing noth noth- ing more to look forward to The only good time I ever had was when I was at school I have hardly any friends I ought to join some club My husband belongs be belongs be- be longs to three or four of them and goes out and has a good time while I I sit home alone I 1 used to be an expert swimmer and had hada a diploma for forr it when I was at school I would love to belong to the Y W W. W C C. C A. A I always thought that was lias just for single ladies but I read in the paper the other night of the race be between between between be- be tween the m married and single ladies I wonder if I couldn't get I something in one of those places as attendant or part time tor I have hesitated a a long time but 1 K feel feel so desperate and just dont don't know what to do db I dont don't want to make any any more misT mis takes l I Please let me hie come in some time to meet you FIFI Fin Firl we do hope you dont don't think that we a are ae e not sympathetic sympathetic sympathetic and arid Interested in your let Jet letter Jetter ter that we have waited so long in answering anything answering anything but that that- but we we I have been thinking about your our case and wondering and puzzling Only thirty and ye yet t for the mom moment nt tied hand and foot because of your responsIbIlity ity to four little kiddies But Fin FIrl that need not c continue You Tou have filled your apprenticeship Inthe In Inthe inthe the School of hard experience and from now on on you you should look forward to making your life Ufe what YOU TOU WISH it to to be You Tou have your children to live with and for and with your background background back back- ground training and education you ou should be able to make yourself yourself your your- self seIt Independent That you should continue to live as you have lived with your husband having the attitude he has Js is simply unthinkable Woman Woman Woman Wo Wo- man is no longer a slave even though at times circumstances seem to make her o one e. e She is no longer helpless economically and the world will help her to get onto her own feet as as an In In- In i Say what we will however however however how how- ever there is only one path to freedom and that ds Js ECONOMIC INDEPENDENCE But you can achieve that You Tou have at least three ways In which you could take care cafe of oJ yourself and your husband must be made maide to do his share in providing for tor the children so that your future should be happier happI r than anything you have had in the past Interesting remunerative work w would uld give you a new on In life Fin Fifi and then you could rould soon scon make more friends and broaden your field for recreation You Tou need it not only for yourself but for your childr children p. p They need a mothers mother's mothers mother's mothr's moth moth- ers er's inspiration even more mentally than han they need her care physically physically nd a-nd if you are broken in Spirit and enthusIasm you cannot carnot gIve it then Vi Wont Won't ont you please please come in and talk things things' over We c can can n discuss ways and means and we feel sure sur that you will be he able to straighten out all your tangles to your own satisfaction YOU Tou have had had- your share of f misery so make up your mind to put all that In the past Telephone and set a time We Ve are going to run a letter asking asking ask ask- ing the question Should married women work We Ve wonder Fin FUI what reaction you would have ha to to that query Dear Mi Miss s Blair As a June bride I would like to know the standing form of a bridal party when hav having gg three bridesmaids bridesmaids bridesmaids brides brides- maids and a maid of honor and the best man It is to be a home re- re Thanking you A BRIDE BRIDE TO TO BE The bride stands on her husbands husband's right and her bridesmaids are either grouped beyond leer her or else divided half on her side and half in m n the side of oJ the groom forming a crescent crescent cres cres- c cent nt with the bride and groom in the center So If the ra latter ter form appeals to you have your maid of honor and one bridesmaid on your I right and the other two on the left of the groom and best man or leep 1 rep all your attendants s on your right Dear Miss Miss' Blair I have been silent a long while reading discussions in your column enjoying them yes them yes laughing at some of them agreeing and dis dis- agreeing It never did occur to me meto meto meto to take part but Miss Blair I I know it is useless to keep on this cycle of arg argument t. t arriving nowhere and becoming only angry angry and and in in censed at remarks made by someone who means nothing to us so Id I'd like to present a new argument I have been think it out for quite a while and cant can't seem to arrive at any satisfactory satisfactory sat sat- at- at conclusion myself This argument Is Is it it or is it not right for a married married mar mar- ried girl or woman to work I Here is my side I am single but I engaged I I. I have a fairly good job i I t- t i r. r which if it weren't for some married married mar mar- ried girls' girls seniority would be much better Most of these girls are childless childless child child- less with no apparent reason for working except more clothes more spending money and all the extra luxuries they wouldn't have if they didn't work I know you think I shouldn't kick but last winter during durl dur- dur during ing l the coldest months I was laid off I have to keep myself and found it pretty hard with no money coming in The advice I received from these girls at the time was Why dont don't you get married Then if you get laid off you have a meal ticket to fall back on on That isn't my idea of marriage Miss Blair and I would like to read some of the comments of your readers read ers era on this subject ENGAGED We left out oat your comments on the most recent discussion E. E but we know now you wont won't mind In the least because your our question is one of the big problems of oJ the day and we need the space for such How do you feel after reading Fifi's Fifis letter She has outlined a situation that far tar too many women have lia to face who cannot say I will not put up with your attitude I have earned my own living and Ican I Ican Ican can do it again and SHALL But putting aside that phase of ot the question question there Is one that is even more more fundamental Work York is a a privilege In most cases a salvation It is Is' the thing that even ven aside from the material earnings It brings makes life worth liv living ng Interest progress adventure competition achievement and so on Why may we not say Let each man and woman have his choice choice- limiting this choice neither to sex nor condition If It taking the married woman out of industry would solve the the problem problem problem lem of oJ UNEMPLOYMENT then the x might say the married women's wishes should be sacrificed but it wouldn't help to any degree at all and after that adjustment had been completed the situation would be right back where it was Then too if married women keep oth others rs back how about ut the rich mens men's sons nep nephews cousins s and so on who hold the better positions in inmany inmany many firms They heY dont don't need the money either and if we could take all aU men whose incomes would support sup support sup sup- port them without labor out of ot th the e field what then Would we ever eve ever er r dream of ot suggesting that Necessity nothing else sent woman woman wom wom- an Into th the world to earn her own living and after having learned the joy of achievement having been trained for it and having spent years in learning a profession Is she going to 10 be willing to give It up Where the unfairness comes In is that many women attempt to ta keep up both ends that ends that is Is keep house and earn money too If It they are wage earners earners they should supply someone e ese se with money to help keep everything going by letting someone come ink in inand and keep their home for them For example if it a woman feels that she Is better fitted fitted fit fit- ted for going on with the work she has been doing than she is to ke keep p house let her give an a ambitious schoolgirl a i a chance to po go o forward forwar d by paying her for doing the housework house house- work Do you see what we mean Then too remember that ever every every y bit of work that Is done outside of f ft t the 1 home is helping to give wor work k to others and so keep up the balance bal bal- ance once When a voma works sh she e d doesn't have time to put up he her r own fruit to do her own washing etc and that means that the e canneries must supply more mo more o girls and men necessary that th the e laundries must enlarge p. and Rn an nn on When When meals are ne eaten n out out is as us so many are where both husband and I wife work more restaurants nee need needmore needmore d more cooks more waiters walters more mor e dishwashers and so on It seems seem s unfair when we l look Ibok ok at th the e position immediately beyond bu but t tf when we view the whole scheme of ot o f things how about It Of tours Bourse your our married friends if it they have that point of ot view ar are e selfish but then how many many of ot th the e er young men save all they make fo forthe for forthe r the betterment of others others' than themselves That is a criticism m for human nature not just married women And too how about th the e girl who is unmarried but livin living g at home where she need pay nothIng nothing nothing noth noth- ing for her board and room Ca Can we make general rules that can b be Ie e applied to all in In fairness Dont Don't think think- we dont don't understand d your point of view view and sympathize e with it We Ye know just how yo you u fel felt when you were laid off oft but bu ut t would taking the privilege of workIng workIng work work- Ing log away from froma a woman if it sh she e Dear Waitress Wyoming Wed We'd like to print your letter bu buit but t it comes under the hea head l of an argument argument ment that Is closed so 00 come again next time a little I IDear Dear Miss Miss' Blair Should a couple get married whose grandparents are re brothers Which is proper for forthe the girls girl's parents par par- parents or the boys boy's parents to call on one another after the couple be become be become become come engaged SALLY Sally well we'll have to hold over your last question for tor a day or two It all depends upon the health and characteristics of oJ the family asto as asto asto to whether such such-a suc a marriage would be all aU right or not If they are perfectly healthy have no weaknesses weak weak- nesses or 01 tendencies that would be dangerous to emphasize s such ch a marriage might result in more than ordinarily fine tIne children |