Show II The Caliph and the Cad By O O. Henry I I Copyright 1920 by the Wheeler Syndicate Syndicate Syndicate Syn Syn- Inc Surely there is no pastime more diverting di diverting di- di verti g than that of mingling incognito incognito incognito nito with persons of wealth and station station sta sta- tion Lion Where else but in those circles can one see life liCe in its primitive crude state unhampered by the conventions that bind the dwellers in m a lower sphere i There was a certain Caliph of Bagdad Bagdad Bagdad Bag Bag- I dad who was accustomed to GO down among the poor and lowly for the solace obtained from the relation of their tales tares and histories Is it not strange that the humble and poverty stricken have not availed themselves of oC the pleasure they might glean by donning donning donning don don- ning diamonds and silks and playing Caliph among the haunts of or the upper world There was one who saw the possibilities possibilities of ot thus turning the tables on Haroun al at His Ills name was Corny Brannigan and he was waa a truck driver for a Canal street importing firm And if you vou read further you will earn how he turned upper Broadway I 1 into nto Bagdad Bagda arid and learned something I about abort himself that he did not know before i i I 1 Many pe people would have called Corny a snob snob snob-pr snob preferably preferably by means of ofa a telephone His Hia chief interest in life his ils chosen amusement and his sole diversion after working hours was to place himself in juxtaposition since he ic could not hope to mingle with mingle with people people people peo peo- of fashion and means Every evening after ater Corny had put up his team and dined at a lunch counter that made immediateness ness a specialty he would clothe himself in evening raiment as correct as any you will see in the palm rooms Then he would betake himself to that ravishing radiant roadway devoted to Thais and Bacchus u For a time he would stroll about the thO lobbies of the best hotels his soul steeped in blissful content Beautiful women cooing live doves but feathered feathered feathered feath feath- ered like birds of Paradise flicked licked him with wilh their robes as they passed Courtly Court Court- ly gentlemen attended them gallant and assiduous And Corny's heart within him swelled like Sir Lancelot's Lancelot s for the mirror spoke to him as he passed and said Corny lad theres there's not a guy among em that looks a bit the swelter than And you of a truck and them off their taxes and the red Inart in inart inart art galleries with the best in the theland theland theland land And the mirrors the truth Mr Corny Brannigan had acquired the outward outward outward out out- ward polish if nothing more Long and keen observation of polite society had gained for him its manner its genteel air and and and- mOt an-mOt most difficult of acquirement ac ac- ac- ac its its repose and ease Now and then in the hotels Corny had managed conversation and temporary temporary tem tern acquaintance with substantial if not distinguished guests With many of these he had exchanged cards and the ones he received ho carefully treasured for Cor his own use usel l later ter Leaving the hotel lobbies Corny would o ld stroll leisurely about lingering at the theatre entrance dropping into the fashionable restaurants as if seeking seekIng seeking seek seek- I ing some friend He rarely patronized d dany any of these places he was no bee come to suck honey but I a a. butterfly flashing its wings among the flowers whose c calyces held no sweets for him His wages were not large enough to furnish him with more than the outside outside outside out out- side garb of the gentleman To have been one of the beings he so cunningly I imitated Corny Brannigan would have given his right hand One night Corny had an adventure After absorbing the delights of an hours hour's lounging in the principal hotels along Broadway he lIe passed up into the stronghold of Cab drivers hailed him him as as' as asa a likely fare to his prideful content Languishing eyes eves were turned upon him as a hopeful source of lobsters and amI the delectable ascendant globules of effervescence i These overtures and anti unconscious compliments com com- Corny swallowed as manna nd And hoped Bill the tile off oft horse would b bless be be beless I I less lante in the left forefoot in the morning I i 1 Beneath a cluster of milky globes of i iI I I electric light Corny paused to admire the sheen shen of his patent leather I I I shoes The building occupying the angle was a pretentious cafe Out of f I this came a a. couple a l lady dr in a white I cobwebby evening evening- gown gon with a lace I wrap like e a wreath of at mist thrown I Ioel o el it and a man tall faultless asI assured as- as I I too too assured They moved to I the edge of tho the sidewalk and halted I I Corny's Corny s eye cye ever alert for Cor pointers I ii in swell behavior look took them in with wilh witha t a sidelong glance lance I The carriage carnage is not here hert said the fhe he you Vou order ordered d to lady lall it wait wail I Y T T ordered it for 9 30 said the manIt manIt man It It be here now I A familiar note in the ladys lady's s voice drew a more especial attention from I Corny It was pitched in a key well known to him The soft electric shone upon her face Sisters bisters of sorrow have no quarters fixed for them In the index in index in- in dex to the book of oC breaking hearts you will find that Broadway follows very soon after the Bowery This ladys lady's I face was sad and her voice was a at attuned attuned at- at t- t tuned with it They waited wailed as if for forthe forthe the carriage carnage Corny waited wailed too loo for Cor it was out of doors and ho he was never tired of or accumulating and profiting by knowledge of gentlemanly conduct dont be Jack said the lady angry Ive I've done everything 1 I could to please you this evening Why da do you ou act so so Oh youre you're an angel said the man Depend upon woman to throw the blame upon a man Im not blaming you Im I'm only try trying ing to make you happy You go about It in a very peculiar way ay You have been cross with me all I the evenin evening without any cause cause Oh there isn isn't t any cause pl you make me tired 1 Corny Corn took out his card case casp and I looked over his collection He one that read Mr U TI Lionel Whyte Whyte- M Melville Bloomsbury Square London This card he had inveigled from a tourist at al the King Edward hotel Corny stepped up to the tho man and presented presented presented pre pre- it with a correctly formal air air May I ask why I am selected for forthe forthe forthe the honor asked the ladys lady's escort Now Mr Corny Brannigan had a avery avery very ery wise habit of saying little during during- his imitations of the Caliph of oC Bagdad T The he advice of Lord Chesterfield Wear Weara V ear eara a black coat and hold your tongue he heI I believed in without having heard But now speech was ws demanded and re required required re- re of him No gent said Corny would talk to a lady like you done Fie upon you Willie Even if she happens to be your wife wl e you ought to have more reI respect respect re re- re- re I for your clothes than to chin her herback herback herback back that way Maybe It aint my I butt in but it goes anyhow you anyhow you strike me as hem bein In a whole lot to the I wrong The Th ladys lady's escort indulged in more elegantly expressed but fetching re re- re partee Corny eschewing his truck drivers driver's vocabulary retorted as nearly as he could In polite phrases Then diplomatic relations were severed there was a brief but lively setto with other than oral weapons from which Corny came cam forth easily victorA victor A carriage dashed up driven by a tardy and solicitous coachman Will Vill you kindly open the door for forme forme me mc asked the lady Corny assisted her herto to enter and took off his hat Tho esc escort rt was beginning to scramble up from the sidewalk I beg bog jour your pardon maam ma'am said Corny if hes he's your ma man man l. l Hes lies no man of mine said the lady Perhaps he he he theres there's no po o chance of or his hia being now Drive home Michael I If you care to take this this j with my thanks Three red ro roses s were thrust out outI I through the carriage window into Corny Corny's s hand He took them and the hand for an instant and then the carriage carriage car car- sped away Corny gathered his foes foe's hat and began began be be- gan to brush the dust from his clothes Come along said Corny taking the theother theother theother other man by the arm His late opponent was yet et a little little dazed by the hard knocks he had re received re- re Corny led him carefully into a saloon three doors away The drinks for us us said Corny me and my friend Youre You re a queer feller Celler said the lady ladys lady's s late escort lick escort lick a man and then want to set em up up Youre my m best friend said Corny Coiny exultantly You dont don't understand Well ell listen You just put me wise to some thin I been gent a long time it was just the glad rags rag I had and else Say youre you're youre you're a aswell aswell aswell swell aint you you Well you ou trot in that class I guess I I dont don't but I found out I one thing thing thing-I'm Im I'm a a gentleman bv and by-and and I know lenow it now What'll you have hae to toI drink I |