OCR Text |
Show t . V THE BULLETIN, BINGHAM CANYON, UTAH Sh pop- - f X-Jl-? Ci ir I V times, y f wl , (A JSi ' I l HE SAV.I MUCH CLASSIFIED DEPARTMENT BUSINESS & INVEST. OPrOR. I'OB Vlrlor'sModel "V" and Topper Vendlnu Machines writ Authorlred I.Kill.ANC VENKIISU CO., P.O. Hoi H'.'l, Hrmm Hrlri is, HELP WANTED WOMEN I.AKY It K I' U K S E N T A T I V K For Jewelry, t'itrt time: Kxn1 enrnlnffq; rio Investment, Write HIl.ll'KAH, Kockvllle, Ind. Planning for the Future? Buy U.S. Sayings Bonds! How mild can a cigarette be? MORE PEOPLE SMOKE CAMELS than any other cigarette! and among the millions who do.., FRAN f fTKI WARREN ii HM Popular record- - p J l IriK artist reportH: if I "1 appreciate clg-- j 4 TSi' I aretti) mildness. I I moke Camels, J" ', J They ngreti with u ; Vol? my throat j X : , they're mild and !; '. ,5c taste grand 1" L2-- .j '" --1 I ''. feVO" m if ' ii I ir . ml ltMii brighter teeth in just one week Amazing results proved by independent scientific test. For cleaner teeth, for a brighter smile ... try Calox yourself! A prodnet of McKESSON & ROBBTNS " WNU W 3150 MANY NEVER SUSPECT CAUSE OF BACKACHES At wa get older, itrem and itraln, over-exertion, excessive smoking or exposure to, cold sometimes slows down kidney func-tion. Tbis may lead msny (oiks to com-plain of nagging backache, loss of pep and energy, headaches and dizziness. Getting up nights or frequent passages may result from minor bladder irritations due to cold, dampness or dietary indiscretions. If your discomforts sre due to these, causes, don't wait, try Ooan'a Pills, a mild diuretic Usvd successfully by millions for over 60 yeara. While these symptoms may often otherwise occur. It's amazing how many times Doan'a give happy relief-h- elp the 16 milea of kidney tubes snd filter flush out waste. Get Doan's Pills today) Doau's Pills POTATO BUG AND POLITBURO OTALIN (appearing all In a lath-- ' cr at an emergency session f the Politburo). Well, what hsp-pened- ? Vishinsky. Another outrage by the filthy capitalistic world! A Second Comrade. A dastard-ly violation of peace! Stalin. -- Out with it! Who's to blame, MacArthur. Johnson. Tru-man, Acheson or the House of Mor-gan? A Third Member. They are all behind it . . . also Harrimnn, Mar-shall and Eisenhower. Stalin. Have arrests been made? Vishinsky. Of course. Wo have one of the culprits here. (Clapping his hands) General Offulitch, bring In the prisoner! deneral (enterinjr with a salute and holding out a tiny paper bag). Here he Is! Stalin. Where? General. In the bag! Stalin. None of that Ameri-can slang! What goes on here? I ask for the prisoner and get a paper container. Where Is the rat? Vishinsky. It Is no rat. Stalin. Nonsense. Every en-emy of Russia Is a rat. General (opening the bag and pointing Inside). Hugs! Stalin. Bugs to you, too! Vishinsky. You don't under-stand. The new enemy Is a bug the potato bug. General (holding up the insect). Here is the foe, the foreign agent, the saboteur, the scoundrel! S4alin. This insect! Vishinsky. Positively! It is not merely a potato bug ... it is a secre weiponl Stalin. Has it crossed the Soviet frontier in force? General. Only in Extern Ger-many. Vish'nsK.--That- 's enough of an excuse to brand it the attacker of the Soviet Republic and start a counterattack with pursuit. Stalin. Jus how far has It gone? A Third Comrade. It has launched an all-o- attack on German potatoes. Stalin. This is serious. Rus-sia discovered the potato and has always stood as its protec-tor against the plottings of the money bund. It came from America of course. Vishinsky. And with V. N. approval. Stalin. We must have the secret police close In on bugs everywhere. Get immediate con-fessions. General. Potato bugs can't make confessions. Stalin Cwith finality). These potato bugs WILL! ! ! 'The phone rings. Vishinsky an-swers). Vishinsky. Bad news! A bug has escaped. We must prepare an attack on Washington, the capitalistic world, the U. N. Security Council and Joe McCarthy as behind it. Stalin. To your posts all! And reassemble here at midnight. There will be a new countersign. All. --What is it? Stalin (solemnly). Bugs! All (at attention). Bugs! Stalin And let's not look at one another as we say that! FISHERMAN'S SONG Nary a nibble. Nary a bite But you shndda been here The other night! This is the time of year when the speedboat owner makes the reck-es- s auto driver seem a model of :aution, intelligence and considera- - inn CAN YOU REMEMBER Away back when you didn't have to check your finances be-fore saying "Fill her up"? This department can't under-stand the appeal of nudity in musi-cal shows when less is worn at any nathing beach than is permitted in any theater or nitery. It is comforting to think back on an age when it was possible to declare a peace in one war before the next one began. It's a curious age. The New Eng-land Phone Company has had to remove its pay phones from Stough-to- n hall in the Harvard yard be-cause the students "resorted to continuous fraud" in using them. They used a gadget to get a call for a cent, and then GOT THE PENNY BACK! They also short-circuite- d the system and used base-ball bats to get money out of the slot accumulation. Has any college cHss book named a class larcenist or chiseler most likely to succeed this season? jny liil Convenient Disability The chairman of the central committee was receiving reports from the country committors. 'Things never looked better for a clean sweep for the Republican ticket than they do this fall," re-ported one county Warwick. "It's dollars to doughnuts that we'll ev-en elect the candidate for Judge of probate." "What makes that so impor-tant?" the chairman asked. "Well, you see the Democrats put up a man who had only one arm several years ago and we've never been able to overcome the appeal of that empty sleeve. But he's our meat this time, boys. We Republicans have nominated a man who is paralyzed from his neck up!" I J" --y t V a n-- n ZZLJ I mads a . - "1 I THE OLD GAFFER t ' v . By Clay Hunter VVHAT ARE THOSE TWO OLD ' DON'T KMOW. THE im I VT E CODGERS LIGHTING A80UT? LET'S GO SEE THEIR rnSn J MY GREAT GRANDSON CAN WHIP fr s 1JJ CHILDHOOD 4N I Y0UR GREAT GRANDSON ANV DM SOME CHEEK! "I told you you might kiss my hand, but you kissed my lips, tool How dare you?" "Oh, a hand-to-mout- h existence is good enough for me!" jOl'FORD By MELLOllS ! Diplomacy "I've decided on a name for th baby," said the expectant mother. "I shall call her Minerva." The young husband didn't care very much for her selection but, being a tactful fellow, was far too wise to object verbally. "Fine," he agreed. "That's a beautiful name. The first girl I ever loved was called Minerva, and the name revives happy mem-ories." There was a brief pause, then: "We'll call her Lucy Jane; I think I like that better," said the young wife. MUTT AND JEFF By Bud Fisher IKMAN ROUTE WOO DELIVER WHEREVER THErfa ) 'LL TAKE A SNOOZE UNTIL j T.m' 'VeonDJiN&y-f- r THE MILK WHERE HORSE STDP5.-- r I THE HORSE PEACHES HIS C .ft ibiw.hiiii TrEN MILES J.Ck, - Lemon-Ad- e George Ade had finished his after-d-inner speech at a gathering of notables, and when he had seated himself a well-know- n lawyer who was also an amateur wit, rose, shoved his hands deep into his trousers' pockets, as was his habit and laughingly inquired of those present: "Doesn't it strike the company as a little unusual that a profes-sional humorist should be funny?" When the laugh had subsided, Ade drawled out: "Doesn't it strike the company as a little unusual that a lawyer should have his hands in his own pockets?" JITTER By Arthur Pointer IHt Hrff) ctef s&&m Iwft MmS Ife im ; WIDE AND WOOLY By Bert Thomat :sueRrPenSgWndmSTSo?r?'' what .need is a hot II I A?fAJ!T I IrfHIl PilMIMill'l ( BATH, A B& MEALED ) j3 ik COME TRUE.' 0V,nSP,NED N'CE CT Ks r-- ' QE0 V WEST N j A 1 LVC, Hg'1 QUn'E A SWITCH "What do you think of this new slacks vogue?" "It proves that there Is nothing new under the sun. Just about the time the Chinese women are changing from trousers to skirts, ours are changing from skirts to trousers " Cut That Out It was the first wedding cere-mony for the young minister and he was almost as bashful and em-barrassed as the young couple be-fore him. In a brave effort to rourd out the affair, the minister stammered: "It's all over now. Go and sin no more!" i i ' TO THINK OF ALL THE 6E tD 2 DESIGNS THEY'RE MAKING HOVV ZJ ALL I EVER GET IS SANDALS "Isn't Your Arm Getting Tired, Joe?" jJ .TaiS8?iiiCHk3B--a SOUND AM) Fl'RY A Scotch minister In a strange parish, wishing to know what his people thought of his preach-ing, questioned the beadle: "What do they say of Mr.?" (his predecessor). "Oh," said the beadle, "they say he's not sound." "What do they say of the new minister?" (himself). "Oh, they say he's all sound!" |