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Show ' 1 1 r aqou:jd r Jjt7fian WHY I WANT TO BE MAYOR OF (ALT UAKt . ' By Rufiia fUughetoufh ' Un-Popular, Pal Pink Candidate Being , a candied jdate, - aa Maggie . the chocolate dipper would aay, tho good and bad people of this city have asked, "Why doea that sucker want to b Mayor? Dave Coleman haa throvn th half-calumn of 'Around tho Town" w!d open to an expoao of my vlowa. Aftor you road tho you won't daro to volo for m. but . whoavor you do vota for probably foal Ilk I do, only ho ain't ot tha narv to aay ao. , Mora than tha legal number rami ra-mi 1 red to aim a auy'a petition for plac on tha ballot hava written me, aaklnc. "Kor Pete'a aaka, who aver thought of you aa mayor?" To be honest with you, I thouaht of It all myaelt and had a hard time getting anyone elae to think any but rotten rot-ten thoughtg that cant be printed bfUwanl lo tnaJte-TM Htf 1 Ilk Dave'a eolumn, wide open, becauae " I've never worked for a living, and being mayor on a reform ticket meana a lot of executive ability to collect the graft without being caught. I ain't never been to Ogden or New York City, and aa mayor there may be a chance to carry a mea-aage mea-aage of friendship to our neighbor or a grlpful of city bond to the Oreat White Way. l a radlcala la composed largely of birds what have swung a pick tor ti ll per day and don't aee how can ever get within one-half maybe as much aa $300 per year unless you elect me mayor, ao I can Improve Im-prove my standard of living. But, show me any of this flock of hams running against me who even earned I3.7S In any one day before. m I can't stand on my record, cauae . the roguea' gallery la open to the public, but 1 can assure you that there won't be nothing amateurish In any of tha steals I put over. "Nothing too raw," that's my slogan. More tomorrow. From Los Angelea (1) Even if th climate's fine, your teeth sometimes chatter in Lea Angeles. (2) Yes, California has the best roads in the United States. (3) Cheer up Main street. Salt t Lake, ain't ao bad. LOS ANGELES. Aug. (By IT. R) Even though a county road may be rough, the county Is not legally le-gally responsible for teeth Jolted out of those who ride the bumps. It was held In an opinion rendered by County Counael Hill In the caae of Mra. J. Holly. After her teeth flew out when her - automobile struck a bump In the road, Mr. Holly claimed damages. The county was ruled not liable, however, for falling to iron th bump out of It road. ANOTHER CASS Of THE INNOCENT INNO-CENT BYSTANDER. LOS ANGELES. Aug. I (By U. P.I Prohibition agent raided a grocery stor operated by Ixrulo alten, who also works as "ahelk" "In moving plcturea. and conflacated IS gallons of "hsrd" liquor. The liquor wa dumped Into the street, A stray cat, eroaalng the etreet. atepped In the alcohoiio creek, and Inst all the fur from It feet, the dry (gents say. Some may think they'd had a tasle of the liquor themselves, but they stick to the hair-raising story of the cat. o o In the Poet's Alley LIME-RICKEY Oof was an Arsbisn hosa, , But he waent ne good bettoea When one shouted "Whoa I" Away he would go. Hell ef an Arabian boas. v CUBIST ART. Willie Woofley came to town To learn the eubist art. Railing ben, he tumbled down. Hi bankreH fell apart. "v. Jack. a . WHEN LIZZIE'S AWAY. Dxar Jecc: bean wanting i k to Wit. yoli a letter for o o a .ome-tlmg .ome-tlmg byt fromm he may thus lookk l gueex Idtl qwaltt untile my atenl-aw atenl-aw g ropier fgets back. Jlme. f e . . ' INTER MOUNTAIN TOURNEY. Prayer If earrtioally ohaaing balls' at Tenma club) Hey, bey, wake up, tea me the bell. Bsllbey (aged 13, with infinit corn) Say, ia this a league Same. a a When John Smkhe ef Prove Ployed Bill Smith ef . Neveda yesterday at the Tenni club the odd were 10 te 1 with ne) takers that Smith would twin. After the metoh, ft i said, the player Sot together and distributed tree coughdrope teethe throng. Frank Cap, th genial t.w ard at Racquet tore' Reel, haa -Indignantly denied that waa seen putting rng Jute In an orangeade yostsedsy. SADIE THE SIREN. (Cheptor Vingt-et-un.) (WHAT HAS OUNIS BEFORE: Sadie, the triumphant stenographer who haa ma 'em all, of high or low degree, without regard to race, previous condition of servttud or prominence In bootleg Industry, bss decided lo hunt big game In Africa. Sir Fat, Lucius, the. chimney sweep and Sheriff Harry have accepted nominations .s members of ths parly. NOW OO ON WITH THE STORY.) Til sun burst over th mountains In rays of majestic splendor. "Boea." chirped up Sidle rn a deep bees, like a canary, "did yon say tha aun got boated oh. goeh, ok. gee, oh golly, how awful!" We roa.au red her that the original orig-inal Masda, waa k. and ah felt omewtiat refreshed, munching Contentedly Con-tentedly on a aide of beef. "Men." (aid Sadie; striking an Impresslv pose (alwaya bus to be striking eometblng, this dame), "we f will hold an election aa captain for r thia game hunt In Africa. 1 nominate nomin-ate and elect myself captain." Thus by unanimous consent of her little party did Sadht become captain. Thla vote waa tribute to th gataem In which tliey bald her. "Cap" apaka Mir Fat. "w dun'l awad to Si to Africa for th big gam. Let's go down to municipal field mid aee th Oo -Getters play tit Knighta of Coturobua." Hatfi onlderd th matter ear-fully, ear-fully, bcaua Mr Kat avaa a mgn of aoma wetght In th community. Irrdeoaj he waa very prominent. Anyway Any-way fala cane war prominent. tMor jTVidsj.i . h |