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Show Inhere ft . V iMMt wk man -wm blnr marrlM, and when thm prachr aid. "Thla la your lawfully wadded wife," the dumb brut turned and -aaid. -Glad to know yubl" Tha automobile haa aidded elevea ' yeara to hnmaa life, a headline aaya. Not tha pedeatrian'a Ufa. FENCINQ IN THE CEMETENV. " "Brother Johnaon," aald tha par-eon, par-eon, "ealn't you-all donate ' eome mail eontrlbuahuji to da fund for fenclne In de eullud cemeteryt" "I dunno aa t kin, paraon.' replied re-plied Brother Johneon. "I don't aea no uae In a fence round no cemetery. Tou aee, them what'a In there calnt (It out. and them what'a out aho' doan' wanta (It In." From Everybody's Masaslna tor Auguat. When a 1rl aaya aha lorea fel- low It only means that aha wanta hi mto help her lor heraelt Bralna make a man smart, and aa doea woollen underwear. writ 1 1 n mrti kbibnd wire Augustus Thomaa. esar of tha theatrical world, aald at a wedding breakfast In New York; . "When marriage fslla It Is usual-ry usual-ry because one or tha other of tha . contracting parties etarta out with the resolve to be false to his or her contract. Tears ago, when I waa a reporter on a BL Louie paper, a colleague of mine went to the eity editor and aald: Td Ilka a raise: Tm married' now, you know. "'Tea. yea, t know, aald tha city editor, a kindly, genial eoul: "and. of course, you need tha raise for ' your family, don't youT "No, I don't,' aaid tha reporter, 1 need It for myself. My -wife, yon " aee, has found out what I'm getting now." " Judge. Tt'a hard world, and on day! when you wish to.-relieve your grouch on somebody, not a book agent will appear. SOME MODERN MARVELS. The guy who la "Always Chasing Rainbows and never gets tired or . discouraged. The bird who declare he Is get- . . ting by "Forever Blowing Bubbles." Tha fellow whoaa Ingenuity geta him a line on how to exist "Alwaya Building Caatlea In. tha Air." A yoang country girl waa taking her first ride on tha train. The conductor came through and said, "Ttcketa. pleaee," and after much embarraesment she gave It to him. floon after the train boy entered her ear and said, "Chewing gum"V and aha aald. '"Oh, goodness 1 Do I have to give that up, too?" - ' |