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Show Movie Capital -Never Changes, Says Benchley By BOB CRT flF.NCHI.F.Y Guest (olumnlat for Mirilok Urmhem (Copyright. 1M7, for Ths Telegram HOLLYWOOD. Oct JO Hin.e 192 1 have been coming to Holly-' Holly-' Wood foe periods of incarceration ranging from six weeks to six months at a time. Each year, for 11 yeora, 1 have left for New York ith the fooling that, when next I returned, everything would he ei-sentially ei-sentially ths same. And it usually is For example. I know in my heart that nrxt year, as in past years, they will be serving fried egg sandwiches sand-wiches buried in mayonnaise, chopped walnuts, pickle relish and diced beets lunloaa you warn them not to in which ease you will got them burled in mayonnaise, pickle relish, chopped walnute and diced swots just ths samel. Next year they also will he aerv-Ing aerv-Ing your salad Bret, before your soup, Conrad Nagel will still bo officiating offi-ciating t the more formal public functions. Thoeo's aa Idea Hollywood boulevard will be ailed "Santa Clsus lens" at Christmas Christ-mas time. A light precipitation of rain will Be hailed in tho newspaper head-linos head-linos as a "freak shower" Louis B. Msysr will be dancing tho IMS equivslent of the rhumbs. Filling station employes will bo eying "You bet!" when you thank them for service. Anyone over the ags of four, with the partial use of one lobe of the brain, will be driving an automobile automo-bile at 70 miles an hour. Every fifth . ear will be driven by a Japaneas gardener and will have a rake stick-- stick-- Ing out from the back. 'Strange- Hera, Myself .Any taxi driver, picked at random, ran-dom, will just have arrived In Hollywood Hol-lywood from Ban Francisco, whore he has boon working for four years, and will not know where Beverly I Hills is. much Isss the location of ths bouse you are after. Eastern football scares will bo carried by the Lea Angelea prose. If at all, la tha real estate section. Oeorge Jesse! will be the funniest ansa in tha picture colony, only not la pictures. Cameramen, stage crews, electrl-laaa electrl-laaa and property men will still be the best guys la the business. Garbs May Retire Garbs will be on tha brink of retirement re-tirement All stars will depart from social gatherings at 11 p. m. to get their sleep, Waving tha drinking and "Hollywood debauchery" to scenario Writers and out-of-town visitors. The University of Southern California Cali-fornia will be the alma mater of ths mo vis colony provided Its football foot-ball team la winning. It wiU always take at least half n hour to get from one place to another, Aad a Toothpick When you buy a pair of shoes you will get a side order of potato chips and a dead -tired olive with them. Chaplla aad Paaletta Ooddard win ha reported aa going around together. The main thoroughfare oa which you happen to be traveling will be torn up "for improvements." A masseuse will bo a "maasooso. The Vohdocne at lunchtlsne will be as full of out-of-town star-gaxert that there won't be room for the stars. But, no matter how much you grouse about Hollywood and no matter how you knock the movie business, that little old check each week will still clink when It drops Into the till, aad that's what we're all here for. Isn't It, boyiT |