| Show HENRY SAYS NEW YORK YORK Into Into each life some rain must fall fail and today Im I'm getting drenched This Is my darkest hour and andoh andoh andoh oh for the strength and courage to face it I have Just learned that the New York Cafe Society Register is on the stands and that my name is not included anywhere in its pages The Cafe Society Society Society So So- Register is the blue book of the bistros the social register registe of the saloons and not to be mentioned in it stamps a man manas manas manas as an old fuddy-duddy fuddy Who likes to stay at home in the evening once in a while What will the folks back home think of me Here Ive I've been in New York going on 12 years and still haven't progressed out of the delicatessen or on ham-on- rye set It'll be a sad Uncle Ben who learns that the nephew he had placed so much faith In Inas Inas Inas as a raiser hell-raiser couldn't make the grade It will be with a heavy heart that Aunt Emma gathers the eggs on the day when she finds out that the sleeve holders sleeve holders she crocheted for forme forme forme me last Christmas are not mingling mingling mingling ming ming- ling with the hangovers of the haut monde The kinfolks Just wont won't understand understand understand un un- un- un i why I failed to make good in cafe society because when I was a youngster at home homeI I showed every promise of developing developing de de- into first class night nightclub nightclub nightclub club material No one ever had hada a worse record in deportment in grammer school than I did I Iwas Iwas Iwas was expelled and suspended so much that the principal once seriously considered putting re revolving revolving revolving re- re doors in my classrooms I wore my clothes well Even when turned out in me hand-me- downs I wore them so sp well that no one except my immediate family and every everyone one in town knew that my older brother had worn them the year before I was a child who loved noise The only two musical instruments instruments instruments ments I ever really cared for and tried to learn to play were the drum and the bugle A mans man's ears could have no better training training training train train- ing for cafe society than that Crowds didn't bother me either At one time or another I had In my room a turtle a rabbit two pups a two foot alligator a family of white mice and a pet rooster Again I ask what better conditioning for a youngster who eventually was to try to earn a place in the cafe society sun With such a background how did I manage to fail I simply cant can't believe that It was because I didn't try hard enough because because because be be- cause I have done everything I know how to follow the standards standards standards stand stand- ards of cafe society conduct I have knocked down Just as many people on the dance floor with my version of the as any anyone one The same goes for formy formy formy my conga I have stepped on Just as many feet too as anyone anyone any anyone one mentioned in the register And try to name a man who made the register who has a better record for getting belligerent belligerent belligerent bellig bellig- erent around 2 am a.m. than I. I You YO Just cant can't find any anyone one who is any louder or touchier than I Iam Iam Iam am just before dawn when the incessant beat of the gourds the shrill voices of the torch singers and the cigarette smoke has brought out the worst in everybody I have even gone so far as to learn how to tie my own bow tie and not be dependent on one of those tied pre-tied ones which because they look much better than the tied home-tied variety are not considered fashionable No one has worked any harder to ingratiate himself with headwaiters headwaiters headwaiters head- head waiters and captains either I Ipat Ipat Ipat pat em on the back grin at them as if they were prodigal sons and smile appreciatively when they call me Mr McElvoy or Mr McDermott and lead me meto meto meto to a table that commands a sweeping view of the hat check checkroom checkroom checkroom room or else Is so close to the kitchen that I can help the chef baste the roast But the book is out and Im I'm not in it Somewhere along the line Ive I've fallen down Maybe on one o of the the- editors was nearby that night and overheard me when I said I thou thought ht every everyman everyman man man could use eight hours of sleep one night a week That hight bight easily have stamped me meas meas meas as a sissy in the editors editor's mind Or some one may have reported to the editor that I once objected to paying seventy-five seventy cents for fora a glass of orange juice Oh well Im I'm still a big shot at the wagon dog-wagon on the corner I always get a center stool and an extra helping of onion on my hamburger Distributed by Syndicate Inc |
