| Show Between en You Y and Me MeAn An Af Imaginary Record of Roosevelt's Secret Thoughts During Transcontinental Trip CORON CORONADO DO Cal You You spend spond six days crossing the country with tho the president of the United States You see him smiling at crowds 12 to 14 H hours houri a a. day You hear his cheery speeches see him shake hands jovially with dozens of hungry hungry hungry hun hun- gry politicians who swarm aboard at every stop He seems from morning until bedtime to bo be having haying hav hay ing tho the time of his life UCe But you know that the fixed presidential smile worn all day long masks annoyances untoward incidents stupid blunders bunders of others mistakes mistakes mis rain takes of judgment of his own weariness boredom and ad an elbow ebow lame from pumping the hands of hundreds of people he Is not at all aU Interested in So as you watch you naturally wonder what Mr Roosevelt is Js thinking thinking- about as he goes through his lines Jines in tho the greatest political variety show of which ho he is the feature star One can can imagine it might be something like this Washington Washington Good Her Heres Here's s 's the train Am I glad lad to get out of this town nothing but grief late ate Jy ly I pulled the country out of the hole and what do I get for it Bronx cheers Here comes Jim Farley Fancy What's he got in that large arge envelope So he just wants to see me oft off What he really wants is some sonic more jobs and hes he's got them right there under his arm Jim is never satisfied And Roper Ha Dan is a great statesman statesman statesman states states- man since that Constitution day speech we wrote for him They all want to see me rae off oft They'll be glad gad to get rid of me And heros hero's Hull Good old od Hull Nice of ot him to corns coma down to say good good- bye Harold Ickes That was a a. smart idea of taking Harold and Harry Hopkins along If It I had left them alone together in Washington Washing Washing- ton they would have had things in a fine tine mess by the time I got got- back Better to have them where I can keep them under control contro All aboard That sounds good to me inc Ohio They Ohio They tried to get me over into Kentucky to patch up that Democratic row but I was too smart for tor that Clever idea in inviting inviting inviting in- in both factions over ver here to the tho train Cincinnati Cincinnati Heres Here's Heres Happ Happy Hap Hap- p py Pr Chandler This peace conference confer confer- ence cice Ive I've arranged ought to put him in the governors governor's chair What's that Happy you say Governor Governor Governor Gov Gov- Laffoon and Candidate Rhea arent aren't coming what are they sore about Well I meant to invite Laffoon of course Somebody slipped on that Well Happy Happ hope I h avent ruined you Think Ill I'll revive Happy Days Are Arc Hero Here Again the first chance I get Indiana These crowds are small Its It's raining and we didn't advertise the trip very well Maybe May May- be its it's a good turnout consider consider- ing lag But these people dont don't make malte much noise Heres Here's Governor McNutt Mc- Mc Nutt Handsome devil But Id I'd rather have Garner stay on the ticket And Joe Guffey Good GoodLord GoodLord Lord what's a Pennsylvania senator senator sen sen- ator doln doing out here In Indiana 1 Been to French Lick I suppose Fine job he did getting me messed up in his Pennsylvania constitutional constitutional constitutional revision fight Id I'd as soon forget torget this constitution i issue s 8 S U c. c What is Guffey after now Well Vell hello Joe its it's good to see you ou again Missouri St. Missouri St St. Louis Why are they parking this train ten miles out of town 1 How do they ex expect expect ex- ex peeL any crowds to see me out hero here In the tho yards yardA They ought to run me into St St. Louis But its it's been a long long- day and Im I'm glad to turn in Kansas only City City Only a. a m m. Not even daylight yet Why are tho those e guards out there carrying machine guns Im I'm not dangerous Iowa This Iowa This sun looks good after running all aU day in the rain yes yes- Better crowds today along nong these way stations Been paintIng painting paint paint- ing barns out this way Ill I'll use that line Council Bluffs Look Bluffs Look at al the new automobiles Til ru use that on those tories They're living off of A A A while Im I'm taking a n beating from them What a life Ufo Howe told me to run for tor president dent Think Ill I'll bear on this prosperity pros pros- stuff Nebraska That Nebraska That Fremont crowd didn't cheer I 1 like I 1 k e 1 J thought it would Had to work for every hand but Ive I've got these farmers sewed up And Ald did I take the wind out of the eastern crowd Lots of people out here to see me Wasn't Buffalo Bill from out this way North Platte Ill I'll tell them about Buffalo Bill BiU there Wyoming Glad Wyoming Glad to get rid of that Colorado crowd cro Hope CastE CosH- gan makes tho the grade next year But hes he's going to have trouble with Senator Adams Adams was of off the reservation all aU winter A nickel he throws t the h e harpoon int into Costigan and gets behind Governor Johnson for tor the senate That will vill cause me trouble next year Joe is making a good senator He knows how to keep these Wyoming folks foUtS in hand and go down the tho line Unc for tor me mc at atthe tho the same time Utah Utah Some Some crowd Its It's In the bag here for 1936 hut I haven't seen Dern do much What docs does he think I made him secretary of war for Well I Ill I'll plug him to this Salt Sat Lake crowd It wont won't hurt anything Nevada one Ninety-one thousand people and a lot of at mountains Not as big as Schenectady and look at the tho trouble McCarran has caused me And Key Pittman missing my train In Washington This Boulder dam publicity is a break for Nevada Neat the way we knocked Hoovers Hoover's name off of that dam I wish I knew how we weare weare weare are going to make Grand Coulee and pay payout out Those Republicans made the them m sell seU the power before they started building Boulder it would be simple simple sim sim- plo if I could build my dams that way S California Los California Los Angeles High fog California sunshine where is it 1 It would woud rain on my day here hore What a crowd these nuts are a problem Break for me mc that Upton lipton Sinclair and Dr Townsend Townsend Townsond Town- Town send are arc out of town I If I had to see them it would ruin all aU Ive I've been doing on this thin trip to coax business to breathe again I have havea a hunch Sinclair will come along with me next year Never saw such crowds Hope they'll vote voto for me And San Diego Oh you ocean Am I glad to see you Just one more speech and Ill I'll be right with you Not a politician near me for 20 days Not a hand to shake Why did I ever let Al Smith get mo me back into politics Been some sour notes on this trip but I got away with it pretty well Looks better for me next year lr than I thought See you all in Washing Washing- ton Copyright 1935 by the WashIngton Washington Wash Wash- ington inton Post |
