Show WALTER WINCHELL ON BROADWAY Copyright 1933 Dally Daily Mirror Inc BROADWAYS BROADWAY'S L LIKE E T THAT AT ATWalter I Walter Waiter Futter th the producer of good movies relates it himself One of those typical trying to impress others in a lobby introduced Introduced intro Intro- Futter to two old gentlemen who mattered long ago But you'd never know i it from the way the introductions were set forth I want you to meet Walter Futter said the Introducer Hes the man who produced Africa Speaks IndiaS India S Speaks Speaks' and oh so many movies The two old timers bowed smiled and shook Walters Walter's paw but their names weren't offered I 1 didn't get set your name said Futter addressing one of them David Warfield was the reply Milton Eerie Berle says one critic stole tole the show And a wag says One joke at a time FORM 1 OF CRITICISM 1 Bill Bill Halligan Halligan one o of the thc gayer guys guyson on this Artery of ot ours often keeps his girl worried The other night f ample when he didn't show at dinner dinnertime dinnertime time and it was long past midnight she phoned his favorite speakeasy Is Bill there she asked You knO know Bill Halligan 7 Oh no madam was Wa the reply he aint here Are Arc you sure was the retort did you ou look under ALL the tables ta to bles HE EBE George White While the producer of at so many good Scandals signed with witha a Hollywood firm recently but he still sUllIs is in town readying a Do revue for tor forthe forthe the road Arch Selwyn a competitor and nd heckler r encountered White last night I thought you were going to I Hollywood said Selwyn When do you expect to shoot The first time said George they dont don't pay me PUN MY IY SOUL And Ben Kessler reports that Tammany Tammany Tam Tam- many Hall will claim that La Guardia is a FusionIst from a chain gang OBSERVATION Perhaps no other line has been used so much In movies plays and revues as 33 Oh come now pull now pull to to- gether sether Some of ot us wondered when an author would figure out a line to replace it itIn In Footlight Parade it was a are re relief relief re- re lie lief when one of the tho cast used wed the phrase in this wise Oh come now Wind yourself up N ES ESIn In the Izzy lazy Elinson manner A friend of mine is just getting over the shock of the Wall street cr crash h. h He can can cat eat spaghetti now without trying to read the stock quotations I hear that next week our mayor Is goIng cato go go- Ing to present tho the gold key to the city to to the nearest pawnbroker This season New Yorkers seem to be specializing in giving senators a beating beat beat- ing I see where an expedition has hasset hasset hasset set out to bring up gold sunk at the bottom of ot the Atlantic Aw that's too easy casy Why dont don't they try to get back the gold cold weve we've sunk across the Atlantic Atlantic Atlantic At At- lantic Then theres there's the feller who hasn't even had an interview for foro so long that when a boss finally asked him to leave his name and address address hed s-he'd s hed he'd forgotten lit it OPINION Martin De Haan relates this one on ona ona a Hollywood producer who weary weary of paying a writer a huge wage wace with no results gave him a hint of his dis satisfaction I tell you said the writer writ writ- er this time Ive I've something different the the finish is Boy its it's marvelous snarled the producer it it builds up to a great let letdown letdown letdown down C CHARACTER Tho The race track people know him best by the name of ot A one of ot the shrewdest handicappers at the Coney Island track His record they thoy say is picking 98 winners out o of selections never done before or since on a pari pari track So keen is Js his judgment on what horse will wm win robbers broke Into his room in Florida last year and stuck pistols fit at t his head Okay okay he stuttered there it Is over there on the thc dresser dresser SilO and ny my watch Who wants that was the reply we want your figures for tomorrow Which he gave them them five five out of seven races winning IN OTHER WORDS Broadways Broadway's a Do dippy place When you feed teed sugar zuar to a horse hore people stare at you and call you nut When you ou put sugar on a horse horse youre youre you're a smart guy Monte onte Brice remembers b ers w when h en W Wilson Wil il son Mizner whose never left him was seriously sick The Tho doe doc tor told himan appendicitis operation operation opera opera- tion was imperative And dont don't war wor I Iry ry he comforted Ive done 38 of them and never lost a case Reaching under his pillow Mizner brought out a roll zoll of ot 1000 and handing hand ing it to Monte said id Take this down downto to the poolroom and sec see what odds you can get me that I dont don't break his run Among other things the late Ring Lardner was expert at stilling stifling people who got on his weary nerves There was was the time at the Friars club when a newcomer watched Lardner slump In a chair for three hours without hours without saying a word word although although the group croup about him were swapping fly talk So 50 said the newcomer youre the great Ring Lardner Ive I've heard so much about how bow clever you were wee Huh Ive I've just as much brains as you Well drawled Ring why dont don't you take advantage of it |