Show illar Jj Deflation I Presents Homely Little Problems j iter i-iter riter Asks if Cent 50 Dollar Penniless Man Will Make f 50 Per Cent Less J-ess or orA or- or More Broke A I By Bf By WESTBROOK Chicago Tribune Copyright I l WASHINGTON ASHINGTON May 5 There 5 There are veral homely little problems sug sug- Everal bested sted by the deflation of the dollar o which none of my friends in Wash Wash- n has hM been able to give me any ry solution although ou h s some me oM of f them have nave been attending hearings and ind nd debates for months and have given Iven profound profound- study to Professor Mordecai Ezekiel Ezekiels s 's learned proposition lion tion of the little black ball suspended bone bove the line of the curve or trend 2 8 Chief among them is this i s If It I am broke at this time and the dollar is reduced by half halt does docs that mean that I am 50 per er cent less broke than I was because the dollar is that much easier to get or 50 per cent broker because when I do get it it will take to buy what I could now buy lor tor one buck if it I X had the tuck ck f And then i it if the government prints A I lot of fresh money how bow do I go About bout getting some ome of ot it it assuming that I have no job and that my boss bossk bossis k is broke too My boss used to manufacture manufacture man man- shoes we will say but people peo peo- pIe got out of the habit of buying shoes because they didn't have any money They still haven't any money so 50 they still cant can't buy any shoes so my boss is still broke and I am still out of a job SO O BONDS EITHER fl fI I understand that they are arc going goinga to a shove out about three billion dollars dol lars worth of this fresh money and andaU andall M aU in three billion dollars worth jf f bonds The bonds bear interest Jut iut the money wont won't so it seems a mart idea saving some per cent on onhree billion dollars every year ear But tell idl leU mister I haven't got any bonds to ro how does this me lAnd And does this mean that I wind up iut where I was all the time or am crazy I And another thing PIt It seems that they are fixing to pay he farmer a bonus for raising less lay gay potatoes and beans because he helIS helas las gas been producing too much hay potatoes and beans This made them thema Q a cheap that he couldn't turn a Now the cheap dollar will alse aise the prices somewhat and the hortage caused by the reduction of creage will increase them some pore And the farmer with his high races rices and his bonus for resting will wille e much better off except that I am ambo he bo one who is supposed to buy his bis tuft tuff and if it I am still broke there is Jt no sale I suppose that with this bonus Which Men he be will be paid for resting 1 30 ro farmer will presently start bu buy buy- ig lg some come shoes and separators and tall nil order art postcards posed by ving wing models in the studios of Paris ranee rance and that this will revive busi bus ess and nd gradually restore my job jobi i r the shoe factory TOY my ONLY F FARMERS s 's f But why give the farmers a bonus tr Jr r resting and not me If the idea just to revive business why not lve it both ways against the midIe mid mid- le Ie and let me and the farmer toss coin coin if if he can find one I told you was broke broke to to to decide which one ets the bonus and starts the reval re- re val ival He Is in a better position to rait raft than I am It If they gave me a onus for resting I would start buy- buy ig tg a n lot of ot eggs and rhubarb and arsley and all such things as farm farm- r. r rs grow and revive their business tr r them Broke as he is the farmer can alays al al- ays ys go out an jn the yard fling a few of ot oatmeal or cornflakes So the ground and raise his eating flyway because nature is wonderful at way But me mc I cant can't raise my sting in my window box or gera- gera hum ium pot and I cant can't even make my wn wa shoes because all aU I do when I 1 Im Ita ta m working is punch eye holes You ant keep your feet warm and dry ad nd avoid stone bruises wearing noth noth- r but the eye holes You cannot imagine how man many ye holes I would refrain from rom punch- punch ig tg If U the government would pay me I a a modest bonus or say one cent ad a d dozen I would refrain from punching punch punching ing at least ten dollars worth on average aver aver- age days and maybe twice that many when I happened to be feeling ri right ht I would create the greatest eye hole shortage that the world has ever known on very attractive terms In all this hollering abo about t the poor but hut honest farmers farmer's plight I 1 have never heard anyone talk back t to him I with a little honest criticism that might be good for his soul not that I have any interest in the state of his souL souL- souLI I am a fellow we will Sil say who aims to mind my own business and let the farmer wrestle it out with his own conscience and go t to church or get drunk according to his pleasure pleas pleas- ure I never had bad an any feeling about farmers farmers farm farm- arm arm- ers one way or another until just recently when it began to strike me that the farmers had a lot of time on their hands to meddle with m my habits Prohibition came from the thc farmers and cost enough mone money in expendi ture lire and loss or revenue to buy the I country out of pawn today And all alIi the ornery meddlesome little laws I which used to prevent people from going t to ball games on Sundays in New York and which still keep them out of the ball yards and ev even n the movies in Philadelphia Pittsburgh and a lot of ot other cities are arc farmers farmers' laws Why doesn't the farmer learn to mind his own business I wonder always if the farmer didn't overspread himself during the boom buying too much and paying payin too much per acre with the idea that the land would go on up and up and someone would come along and pay him a profit prom that would make him himrich himrich himrich rich Now the government s says ys he must not must not be allowed to lose his farm but when I bought a n couple of shares of stock at hoping to get et rich and it dropped to 30 cen cents ts the government government gov gov- did not say I must not be allowed to lose my stock And I didn't try to lynch the judge I just put the stock away and said Well that was a gamble and it lost lost Well I hope that out of this will come an n understanding that if it I want to take a few drams that is b ismy my business business busi busi- ness and no affair of some shaker hay out In Kansas just as I make no objection ob ob- ob although I have my private opinions when farmers sit beneath some wild eyed eyed ignoramus In a rural grove and holler at the moon But I sincerely wish that our statesmen had thought of me me too when they were fixing to pay the thc farmers not to bear down i |