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Show MISS DEMOCRACY IS BUTT OF J JOKES Midwinter Dinner of the Grid- iron Glub Responsible for Humor of Rare Sort. " WASHINGTON", Feb. 17. Miss Democracy Democ-racy -was the hello of tho midwinter dinner of tho Gridiron club tonight, while members mem-bers disguised to reprcsnnt tho several candidates for the Democratic presidential presiden-tial nomination f-ntertalncd with their wooln7 a distinguished company, Including Includ-ing President Taft, some of the candidates candi-dates in person, prominent members of congress of all factions, and guests from -a number of states. Festivities betjnn as usual with tho blazing up of the red and white lights of the Immense gridiron over the head of tho presiding ofllcer, and from that moment mo-ment until the diners were dismissed to the strains of "The bong That Touched My Heart," candidates of tho Democratic Demo-cratic faith wer continually in evidence. They appeared as Judges of election, members of a court of honor, as Robin Hood's band of lusts" outlaws, and as contenders In a steeplechase. Tho situation situ-ation wus enlivened occasionally by a fow Republican progressives and regulars regu-lars breaking In upon the dominant and Insistent Democratic candidates. Iiouls Gartho of the Baltimore. American Ameri-can was Initiated as president of the club and was subjected to a grilling cross-examination cross-examination by ten presidential candidates candi-dates in order to lest his Illness. Champ Clark wanted to know of Mr. Garlhc whether he favored tearing down customhouses custom-houses and annexing Canada; J, a Fol-Ictte Fol-Ictte asked what he would think of "God's patient poor biting a plcco out of a. fat corporation every day," while Oscar "Un-.dcrwood "Un-.dcrwood put his question Info rhyme, thus: "If I cut steel and steel cuts me, Can I cut Ice as a nominee?"' The answer was: "Not If Mr. Bryan sees you first." To the "Gentlemen's Court of Honor" was left the reply to Wood row Wllson'n query: "la the Schoolmaster Abroad Safer Than at Home?" Harmon's pathetic pa-thetic appeal, "Running- for a renl prcst- (Continuod on Paffc Two,) I MISS DEMOCRACY IS BUTT OF THE JOKES (Continued, from Page One.) dent, Tvhloh -would you rather have: Cleveland's blerelng, Brvan'n curse, or an Ohio candidate running against you?" "brought forth the comfortless ans-wer, "My candidate is not running In Ohio," Political Lays. The Gridiron club permits Us guests to share in tho fun attending the initiation . of a. now member and there was no ox- I ceptlon tonight when M. Harry Stevens was added to tho limited membership. A spotlight in the darkened hall disclosed dis-closed an old-time bard, who delivered "Tbo Lav of the Last Minstrel." His songs, though sot In classic muplc, were redolent of present politics. Thus sang Bryan of "The Nomination": "Bollove me, if all those Endearing Charms, Which so fondly to conquer I try, Were to vanish tomorrow and fade in my arms, As they faded in campaigns gone by. You would still bo adored as this moment thou art; Let the delegates vole as they vriil. Around your dear lm3go each wish of my heart. Would entwine itseir verdantly still." Asked for oue of Taffs favorite airs, the minstrel Bang to the tune of "Tara'n Harp": "Oh, the tariff talk In Congress Halls, Grows saxldor day by clay. Ajid Underwood unceasingly calls, Upon tho hand to play. A veto fiercely lurks about. With musket and with sword, To kill a bill put through without Leave from Taft's Tariff Board." Neophyte Unmasked. The whiskers were pulled from the minstrel's face by a. suspicious member and the trembling neophyte stood revealed. re-vealed. Ho was warned that only Embassador Em-bassador Bryoe and Uncle Joe Cannon wero privileged to wear beards at Gridiron Grid-iron dinners, and was then examined as follows: "What in your opinion of Woodrow Wilson V "If you want me to sing It, I can give you a lovely, melancholy funeral chant." "Have you ever heard of Senator Cummins?" Cum-mins?" "Oh, he's that fellow who wrote "Every Little Movement,' etc." "Con you give us a song about Champ Clark?" "I am afraid he might not like these old Folk songs of mine." "What is your politics?" "Han T. R. announced his candidacy?" "Not yet, but soon." "Then 1 don't know what I am." "But you arc a candidate for membership?" mem-bership?" "I am not a candidate, but If an overwhelming over-whelming majority think I am the only man for tho Job. I will take it." Progressives in Opera. Tho tuneful opera of "Robin Hood" was the vehicle for the presentation of a number num-ber of prominent progressives. Most of them had sought the basky shades of Sherwood Forest for the sake of Its tall timber, honco they fell easily Into Robin's merry crew. There was "Little John (Jim) Gariield." tuid "Will Scarlet La Follotte" and "Friar Plnchot" and good "Dame Markettlng." besides Robin Hood, who, introducing himself as an outlaw, sang, "But outlaws now, you see. are men of wealth and rank and pedigree." There was a "loud blast" from a bugle In the forest depths and It was announced, an-nounced, "That's Bob La Follette:" (very faint blnst). "That's Cummins;" (general (gen-eral mixup of discords), "Henry Watter-son Watter-son Is In conference with Woodrow Wilson." Wil-son." That tuneful air, "Old Cross Bow," was given a strange twist, aB follows: "A statesman who dwolt on the Outlook's Edge Was "daft with his old Big Stick, A dove of peace lit on his window ledge, He hit It an awful lick. Ho stopped awhile, and to sigh began; They heard him both near and far. If you wait for tho office to seek tho man. Tho office says. 'Stay whore you are.' " Dame Markettlng declared she had been deceived by all parties, and ex- frosscd her Indignation at the cost of Ivlng to the tune of "Oh. Promise Me." "You promised me that one day I could buy A steak without a mortgage on the farm; You said, with Dr. Wiley's help, you'd try To shield the family Btomach from all harm; And yet when I take out my pocketbeok each day. And Bee how all my old man's coin has clipped away. I shed another tear drop as I say: You promised me; you promised me." Oonrt of Honor. The "Court of Honor" met in open session before the guests "to settle all auestlons requiring arbitration, sanlta-on sanlta-on and Illumination," and was ready to report. Here were somo of the questions and the court's answers: "Have you looked Into this dispute over universal arbitration?" "Wo have." , "Everybody favors It, I suppose." "Everybody but the United States senate." sen-ate." "What is your decision In the dispute between Judson Harmon and Mr. Bryan?" "Mr, Bryan will allow Mr, Harmon to remain In tho race on one condition." "What la that?" "The condition that Mr. Harmon refuses re-fuses to withdraw." "Have you settled the row between Oscar Underwood and Mr. Bryan?" "Wo decided Bryan was Infringing on a copyright. Ho had no business lo try to organize an Ananias club." The court also decided that the only difference between La Follotto and Cummins Cum-mins was In the fact that "there is only ono center of tho stage." The august tribunal came to grief when asked what It had to say about the rumored struggle strug-gle between Taft and Roonovelt. Each member threw up his hands and walked out without saying anything, and when the "press agont" (an essential feature of tho court) was appealed to he exclaimed, ex-claimed, in great surprise. "Mo? I've got nothing to say I started It." The Steeplechase, It remained for tho "Democratic Presidential Presi-dential Steeplechase" skit to bring out the candidates In full force. A. oook-maker oook-maker appeared with his blackboard, sheet writer and other apparatus and announced tho entries as follows: "Hero Is Woodrow W.. sired by Jim Smith and damned by Henry Watteraon; breezed out well on his last trial; going-fast going-fast under a hard pull. "Next Is Judson H., an old campaigner begot by Grover C!., a famous stake horne, and damned by W, J. Bryan. "Here Is Tom Marshall and J. W- Kern entered by the Tom Taggart stable from the banks of the Wabash, and coupled in the betting. ., "Next Is Champ and Governor I-olk. onterd by the 'snow me' stables. The Gox-ernor has just been kicked In the paddock by Champ, coupled In tho bolting bol-ting with him, and layers can let their money stand or take It .down. w. J Stone and J. Reed, both likely boy.?, will ride them. r , . .,, "Her Is William Jennlncr. who will be ridden bv W. J. Bryan, tho only r)rtr who has ever been able to ntirk on his back "Next comes Oscar W.. a Hltle conservative conser-vative over the Jumps, but a fast -olt: J. Bankhead up. "Lnst, but not least. Is Eugene N. entered Inadvertantly by Henry Cabot '"Thc funniest kind of bpttlng followed, and the horse0 got away, "out unfortn-natelv unfortn-natelv the Gridiron club failed to enlighten en-lighten Its guests as to the Identity of the winner, for Just a." the ponies were bunched In the homo stretch In an exciting ex-citing finish the police raided I he hall and "pinched" the bookmaker. Among the gue."ts of lh- Huh wrr President Taft. Embassador Brye. Embassador Em-bassador Bernstorff Embassador Bakh-metleff. Bakh-metleff. Speaker Clark. cx-SnoakM- Joseph Jo-seph G. Cannon. Charles D. MUls. sec-' retary to the president: Postmaster Gen-oral Gen-oral Hitchcock. Norman E. Mack, chairman chair-man of the Democratic national commlt-te; commlt-te; Secretary Charles Nacle. Dr. Paul Rllter, Swiee minister; Associate Justice Willis Vandevanter. Assistant Secretary of the Navy Beekman Wlnthrop. Sena-ton Sena-ton Crane. Cummins. Gugzenheim. Hitchcock. Keen and La, Representatives Representa-tives Mann. Ransdcll and T'nderwood. Charles M. Boynton of New York. Prrv Belmont. E. Dana Murand. director of the census: Hugh Ronald French, lxm-don, lxm-don, England: S R. Guggenheim. Nw York: Colonel George W. Goethals. Ist'n-mlan Ist'n-mlan canal commission: Baron E. von Hanlel. first secretary of the Gorman embassy: Charles L. Magee. secretary of the American Rod Cross: B. B. Johnson, president American league: Frank B. Noyes, Washington Star; Rear Admiral Ad-miral Robert E. Peary. T. P. Sawyer. Seattle Post-Intelligencer: MolviHe E. Ston. New Yorlc; George W. Slovens, president of the Chesapeake & Ohio railway, and John L. Wilson. Seattle Post-Intelllgoncer. MENU. Canape Nova Scotia. Celory. Radishes. Olives. Salted Nuts. Clear Green Turtle. Crab Flakes au Gratin. Filet of Beef. Fresh Mushrooms. Florida String Beans, Potatoes O'Brien. Terrapin, Maryland. Gridiron Punch. Virginia Squab, Roasted. Salad a la Taft. Mousse of Fresh Strawberries. Assorted Cakes. Coffee. Martini Cocktails. Haut Sauterne. Moet & Chandon, Imperial Crown Brut. Cigars. Cigarettes. Apolllnaris. |
