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Show In Facetious t SENATOR BEVBRIDGE? Kan Krnnclfco Chronicle. M .' One day when Senator uf In ono of his most eloquentj2 Senator Pettus of AlabamaW asked leave to Interrupt Wii Senator from Indiana yield? ator from Alabama?" thurYl Vice-President. jrv "Nothing," replied Bcveri fords or can ever afford M from Indiana more pleasuifa yield to the distinguished aftF ator from Alabama, who net speech himself or lntciruptjuP of another Senator without!: with a brilliant radiance ' Vf Pettus stood there with hinging hin-ging with the Inevitable cubVI until Beverldge had finish!', tence, and then said f "Mr. President, I move m' And they adjourned. Kjjr! CONVERT WHO COULDtJr EiiReno Wood, In Everybody' lr . "They tell the story 0fJ went up forward night sTj night after night, through jLv Ing. The last night fouii seeking. No one could malct of him. but, at this last mV'-r one put his nrms about hlf "t lngly said: 'What's the matt brother? Why Is It you, through?' "Tho consciousness that&3 was past and the sunimeitS kindly sympathy BomcihlnKB broke the man's heart. '061 verted all right, all rlghtP snlfiled, and then he brokc-f lar, square-mouthed bfV 'But-but . . . ah-hoo-hrf I Jist can't make a prayft daw-aw-awg!' " Mfi COULDN'T BELIEV1 Denvor Tlmo. Dr. Douglas Hyde, the'MiSr Gaelic revival In Ireland,' about accents to a PhlladelJd Ing to tho British accent, hi-. "The leading characterlMfe British accent Is, of courfc ping of the 'h.' Tho drdf 'h' Is very unfortunate. ft': numerable embarrassmen(l'i "A friend of mine is bsi 'jr scientist. One night he li the atmosphere to somo of j j do's boys In London. 1 ji "My bald friend, lcctur, pened to say: il " 'It Is Impossible lo Hv ' If' ft "But from the back of II , an Interruption in a shrlll ti i. " ' 'Ow about yerself, so' " 5 3! DISCOUNT FOR SHC f. Harper's Weekly A couple evidently from at ingly rural district recent " themselves at tho homeff f? minister, and announced! wished to be married. T jr bride was of a homellnessj! 'it leas pity for the blind, ljul seomed satisfied, and as tSf. the necessary license the nPr ceeded to perform the 'ereff,!. "How much dew that cojfr son?" the man then lnqulris, a handful of silver change, trousers pocket. "Name'lj', figger that you charge thjefP a-goin' th' limit, by Jlnksi:jjjn "Oh, I have no regulflryjS minister said; "Just glvo ndts' think It's worth." "Mi The groom turned and ey in a speculative manner. w5 "She's a good gal, ef Bh on looks," ho said, thoutji v I'll bo gosh derned cf shej " dollar an' forty-five cents!! ij Ho was about to hand ov ! when the lady caught hlB.i ducted the five-cent piece fi "Walt. SI." she said. '"Ti lh nickel; you don't know It! p was a child I chopped off' t ;k th' hatchet." EXPERIMENTS Philadelphia Record. Jl" "That face would stop aj i a West Philadelphia fath" from a window at an unb destrlan. W "Why, papa?" asked .the h headed three-year-old on hi? Ing his neck to catch a gib r. "Because It Is so ugly, bo) the father, absent-minded: It was that evening thaj . came downstairs after dre (ft ner to find his boy standlns -a hall chair staring upj round face of the grandfath giving the most hideous X pretty baby face, $ & "What In the world ara , . boy?" asked the surprlsedjf .e "Trying to stop the clocfe the surprising answer. M : A ROYAL "LITTLE Mj ill St. JumcK's Budt 'I 1 Princess Mary, the only! the Princess of Wales, Isj A and competent little persoj two eldest brothers, she a ' mother's constnnt compan past two years. When th Z Wales was preparing fori' fc tour of India she made no 51 U distress at leaving her lit fci When the actual partlni tween the mother and her; m Princess Alary did her bestr her. m M . "Don't cry. mother, sbj ii and over again. "Don't cry care of us." jj FROM THE JOKEMjA Teacher Now, Johnny.f tt Washington's farewell ddr Johnny Heaven. New Y, His Wife Have you had f dear? , , v i The Financier Yes, I lo? V. 000. And the worst of It Is; ?100 of that was my own rn v I 'h The Stout One Really, was never so embarrassed, ft life, I felt as if I could slnkl y floor. ,. g The Thin One I don t woj modern buildings are suc2 fairs. Brooklyn Life. W "Are you fond of yacjj Gray?" "Wi "Oh, yes. At the very tnojt Inspiring breeze, tho stra4nIJR rustling water, I can haIft myself." ,M "Y-yos that's tho way Itl' Cleveland Leader. . "Mr. Smythe appears to ST'' the game quite quickly, T6!S Hazzard, on the links. JBP "Yaas," said Mr Bunktf' foozles atraclously at brav y know." "Does he, really?" ' "Yaas; he Insists upon caw soy shots' 'brassey shots.j phla Press. |