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Show WHIPPED THE LEANS. The Fats Prove Too Much For the Slender Fellows-Several Fellows-Several large, meaty men without the love of much of anything in their hearts, went down to the baseball park yesterday and brutally beset a number of slender, weakling citizens whose bravery was not in keeping with their brawn. The aifair was a most harrowing harrow-ing spectacle to all who love justice and fair play. Blood and beer llowed freely and piteous was the day. At a lute hour last night one of the assaulted party, a thin and respected citizen named Sam Levy was visited I in the hospital ami with tears and beers, in his voice he told how it had occurred "You see there is a crowil ot toughs up in the ventricle of the town who have been most obnoxious in tiieir treatment of the respectable members of society who do not go aroumr loadeil with meat like a butcher's wagon Will you please pass the arnica?" The arnica being passed, Mr. Levy continued: ' They have been belittling us slender and spiiituello people for not sizing up like the interest on a first mortgage and have abused us shamefully in the past. One notably, Tom Little who is called Little because be weighs three tons, has declared in the highways and the byways by-ways that not only are we deficient in meat and muscular tissue but he has brazenly asserted that we cinnot play ball that we do not kuw tbe difference differ-ence between a base hit and a mascot. We could stand anything but that. Will you be kind enough to curry my back" with this rough towel and tome sand to get tho sunburn oft ? 'Thanks. That feels bettor. "As I was saying," Mr. Levy continued, contin-ued, us the reporter had dug several pounds of supplemental cuticle olf his person, "that broke the camel's back. We lesolved that wo would meet our defamers nnd they should be ours. So-?rer(1ay, under the leadenth1)T"of V'. M. Brown, we went down to tho ball park to meet them in deadly encounter and to wear their scalps for rosettes. But man proposes and woman gives him the laugh. If you would help mo properly locate this porus plaster I would lie glad." Being made glad Mr. Levy resumed his story. " Arrived there we found a band of hired bravos awaiting us with large, lonir. hard clubs and balls that seemed to be made of ncrap iron, which they proposed to project at us. A villainous looking brigand who weighed 410 pounds, anil who wore the name of C. W. Parker and little else, was tho head of the 1110I1. Lend us your hand a moment mo-ment until I rise to a sitting posture, please." Mr. Levy looked ofT into space nnd thought in a low, soprano voice before be resumed. T was reared to love scenes of peace and quiet and my life has been a hymn book of joy. You may judge, then, of the disgust I felt when thee people, seizing their clubs and their balls, began to beat us unmercifully. The score was 28 to 20. Js that my sling over there? I wish you would help mu adjust it to this left arm. "A I was observing, they fell ou and slaughtered us. They rubbed it in nnd painted the places. ' They leaped up into the air, cracked their heels together to-gether and came down with a sickening sicken-ing squish on us some like a rotten melon thrown into an alley. In the presence of all the fair and several kegs of elixer of life they pounded out of us base hits and home runs which we did not know we had about our persons. O, it was terrible!" ' But how does it happen you are here in St. Mark's hospital instead of at home?" "The affair was perpetrated with the understanding that the proceeds should go to St. Mark's hospital. I am the proceeds." |