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Show THE SALT LAKE TIMES, THURSDAY EVENING, APRIL 17, 1890. WITH THE FUNNY MEN. Congressman Deluer's Wonderful Meta-morphosis at a White House Reception. EE WANTED A EAISE IN SALARY. Pungent Paragraphs Picked From the Pages of the Popular Punsters of the Day. Congressman Dolliver, of Iowa, was met at a reception at the "White House by a correspondent, to whom he poured forth the story of his trials: "It was my first taste of official society as seen at a public levee in the executive mansion. I did not know what to do when I came here, and so I thought it best simply to follow the crowd. It took me forty min-utes to get from the front door to the coat room, and there a colored man grabbed my hat and coat, while I was willing to wager something handsome that I should never get them back again. "Ten minutes later, and the 6tream of people had carried me with them to the reception room. 1 was a nttie aazea oy what occurred there, and I have been a little dazed ever since. 1 remember hear-ing my name sung out by some one, 'Mr. Dolliver!' A man whom I took for the president grabbed my hand and pumped my arm up and down a couple, of times. Then I was shoved along to Mrs. Harrison, I think it was. My arm was pumped again, and another cog was turned by the machine. I heard myself greeted by the second lady ao 'Mr. Gul-liver.' Again the pump motion was ap-plied, the machine took up another cog, and I was introduced to the next lady as 'Mr. Melville.' "More pump like movement of the right arm, and with the lights dazzling rny eyes, and my brain a little disordered by visions of beautiful women and gor-geous dresses, I was passed along to still another. Here I recovered myself suffl-cientl- y to endeavor to regain possession of my proper name, but when five sec-onds later the machine moved again I found the pump action moved just like its predecessors and. a large, handsome woman, with a French accent, calling me 'Mr. Gollyboy.' Then I gave it up, myself to anything that might happen in the way of impromptu nomenclature. More pump handle move-ments, more parodies on the name that I had come honestly by, and finally I reached the end of the line and as 'Gen. Zollicoffer' made my escape into the easl room." SPECIAL. SALT LAKE THEATER CHAS. S. BURTON, - Manager. THEEVENTOFTHESEASON. 2Hidlnc 0Wednesday Thursday, april 16 and 17. Mr, AUGU8TIH DALY'S Brilliant Comedies, ANIGHTOFF!' AN ARABIAN NIGHT!' Wednesday Ei'g. Thurday Ev'g. . Pronounce by the entire Press of New York and San Krancisco the COMEDY SUCCESS of tho seusun. Presented by a Superb Comp'y of Comedians. . NO ADVANCE IN PRICES. Sale of Seat begin Tuesday morning at 10 o'clock. Rio Granrtp. Western Railway. ' Visitors Cannot Afforfl to Miss Calling at theFair csisM?tts&J&zs& suss (c etc., and at PRICES THAT BEAT ANY IN THE WEST. DO-.- T FORGEF THE PLACE FIRST DOOR WEST OF THE CLOCK. Wo will Surelv Save vou Monev. 13 West 1st South. jmrTJTTTijis UUpl I L . jf 8 ; l: . a iia a "HI SPRING OPENING 1390-- I 7 HARTENSTEIN & SHEETS, Fashionable Barbers, (In Aunr & Mnrphya New Building.) HAIR CUTTING, SHAMPOOING, ETC., No. 16 E. let South St. Salt Lake City. I. Waiters, Broker, 31 E. First South St., East of Deeeret National Bank, Salt Lake City. . Makes Loans on Watchee Diamonds and Jewel-r- HenU Collected. Railroad Tioknts Bought and Bold. Business confidential. Established lHoD. All Unredeemed Wedges Bold at very low rat . W. A. Taylor, Merchant Tailor, NEW SPRING STYLES JUST ARRIVED. 43 and 45 E. Second South Street, Salt Lake City. J. C. MURPHY & CO., Rubber Stamps and Notarial Seals. Agents for the Abbott Check Perforator Salt Lake City. SCENIC LINE OF THE WORLD The only Transcontinental Line pass-ing through Salt Lake City. The only Tine to Denver with no change of cars, and with only one Change to Chicago. Centra time '.ble In effect tad from NoTarn o 1Mb, 1889. EAST BOUND TRAINS. ' No. 2. No. 4. Atlantio Atlantic - - Mail Express. Leave Os.ilen...., 9:10a, m, 5:40 p. m Arrive Salt Lake 10:80 ft.m. 7:05 p. m. Leave Salt Ijake '. 10:8ft a. m. 7:15 p.m. Arrive Provo 12:10 p. m. 9:111 p. m. Leave Provo 12:110 p. in.fhltf p. m. Arrive Green River 6:45 p. m 4:35 a.m. Leave (irenn liiver 7:;0 p. m. 4:40 a. m. Arrive Pueblo 8:05 p. m. 2HJ0 a. m. Arrive Denver 7:45 p. m. 7:15 a, m. WEST BOUND TKAINy. No. 1 No. t, A Paoifio Pacific Mail. Fxprea Leave Denver 80 a. m. 8:00 p. n. Leave Pneblo 1:80 p. m. 12:40a. m. Arrive Green IUver 9:50 a. m. 10:25 p.m. Leave Green Biver 10:10 a. m. 11:00 p. m. Arrive Provo 4:50 p. m. 8:00 a.m. Leave Ilrovo.. (:15p.m. 6:00a.m. Arrive Halt Lake.,. i 6:55 p. m. 7:40 a.m. Leave Halt Lake 7:05 p. m, 7:60 a. m. irrive Ogden 8:30 p. m. 9:10 a. m. Pnllnan Palace and Buffet Bleeping Cars on all Tb rough Trains. Morton K"olinlnn Chair Cars Free between Bait Lake Cito and Provo on Trains 1. and 2. D. C. DODGE,' J. B. BENNETT, Uen. Manager, , Gen. I'ans. Agi It has been our aim to keep the Best Line of Goods ever sho in this market. We are satisfied with the results and this spiing have endeavored to surpass previous efforts. The stock is now complete, and consists of the Latest Foreign and Domestii NOVELTIES. THURSDAY, APRIL 171 From 2:30 to 9 p. m. Will be devoted to showing our Stock, and we hope that erf Lady in the City will improve the opportunity to see the GHOIGEST LINE OF GOODS IN THE IS1 POSITIVELY No Goods Sold op Reserved on this Day. ' ipy 3 q q Assignees Salt i" --a George R.Dunn & Co, CONTRACTORS for STEAM HEATING APPARATUS in the Following Systems: Either in. HIGH or LOW. Pressure, or Indirect Spe-cial Attention Given to Job Work, Including Plumbing and Gas Fitting. 203 West Temple Street, South. One Door South Old Eagle Foundry, Salt Lake City, - Utah Territory, D. VAN BUSKIRK. OFFICE OF T. C. STEBBINS. I the I VAN BUSKIRK INVESTMENT COMPANY. GENERAL REAL ESTATE BUSINESS TRANSACTED. SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE FORMING OF SYNDICATES. AGENTS FOR EASTERN CAPITAL. We do not handle SNAPS, but GOOD BARGAINS ! EXPERIENCED OPERATORS and Members of the Real Estate Exchange. 179 (1AIN, STREET, corner Second South. " RUDOLPH ALFF, : 4 IMPORTER OF CHINA, CROCKERY AND GASSWARE, Plated Ware, Cutlery, Lamps, Vases and Statuary. A FULL STOCK OF CHINA AND PARIAN NOVELTIES. 140 Main Street, Salt Lake City. F. AUERBACH I MO. WE CARRY AN IMMENSE STOCK OF FINE DRY GOODS! Millinery, Cloaks, Ladies' Underwear, Trim-mings, Carpets, Curtains, Ladies' and Children's Shoes, Boys' and Chil-dren's Clothing, Jersey Suits, Kilts, Etc. M. E. McENANl, Attorney-at-Law- . Progress Building (Fourth Floor). Q W. POWERS, Attorney-at-Law- , Opposite Cullen Hotel, Beoond Bonth Street, ' J B. CB1TCHLOW. ' , , Attorney-at-Law- , Booms 27 and 28, Soott-- aerbaoh Building. FBEEMAN A BURKOWB. DBS. Spectacles Accurately fitted. Eye, Ear, Nose, Throat. Rooms 17 and 18, Building. yEADONiUEATH, Real Estate and Loan Agents. No. 150 Main Street. le(erencci McCornlck So Co, Bankers Correspondence Solicited. THE OCCIDENTAL. Pure Goods Only and of The Best Quality. STUDIOUS ATTENTION. AUER & MURPHY, Proprietors. No.18 East First South St., Bait LakeCity Dr. J. S. Blackburn & Co., HERNIA SPECIALISTS Buplure Permanently Cured without Surgical Operation. ROOMS 92 AND 93 WASATCH BLDC, HALT LAKE, UTAH. P. O. Box 016. Take Elevator 'ffl'M-MVMH- -I V"iMn 251 S. Main St. BUSINESS DIRECTORY. J. (J. JACOBS & CO., Real Estate Dealers, 147 Progress Building, for ale residence property In all parts of the city; also choice bargains in business and farm property, . H. C. LETT & SON, Dealer in Real Estate, City and Country, No. Main Street, opposite the Walker House, fctalt Lake City. THE MIDLA.M) INVESTMENT CO. Bargains in Real Estate, Loans and Insurance. Main Street. B. 0, BURTON, .IB. J. A. GnolSOTOK. W.B.ANDBEW BURTON, UROESBKCK & CO. Real EntAte, No. 281) Main Street, Bait Lake Utah. Notary in oflice. Telephone 481. K. M. J011NS0N & CO., Estate, Lohiib, Mines, Irrigation and Manufacturing, 23 West First South Street. I1AVILAM) & DENI1Y, Civil Engineers and Surveyors. Addit ions laid and platted. Rooms, 814 and 1115 Pro. gress Building; P. U. Box d'.l, Salt Lake City, Utah. It. N. B1ELE, FRENCH HAIR DRESSER, And Manufacturer of STYLISH HAIR GOODS, Kooiu 10, Soolt-Auorbac- h Building, Salt Lake City, Utah. Take the Elevator. WHITE & ULMER, Architects and Superintendents. KoomsilO, 411 Progress Block, Salt Lake City. ADVERTISE. For spaces on the fence enclosing the new East Sido Hotel apply to UTAH PAINT AND OIL COMPANY, 1st South St. East, opp. City Hall, . LA.NUAN k CO., Jrlorse -:- - Slioers, Old Eagle Foundry, cor. 2d South and iHt Wt sta. Twenty-fiv- e years experience in Colorado. Tue only flack in the oity where horso shoe, ing is made a specialty. D. B. STANWOOD, Real Estate and Investment Broker. The handling of Real Estate for non-residents a specialty. N. E. Cor. Main and Third Sts., TJasoment of St Elmo Hotel, Salt Lake City. MADAM H. C. HAYNES, (Formerly of DENVER, COLO.) HAS OPENED OUT A NEW AND Stwlt of Millinery, Fancy and I.adlex' Furnishing Honda at No. mi E. First Hiuith St.. and to which she Invites tho atten-tion of the Public. SALT LAKE CITY LOCAL UNION 489 . OF TUB United BrotherhoDdCarpenters& Joiners OF AMERICA. MEETS EVEHY WEDNESDAY EVEN U Temple of Honor Hall t7:.10p. in. Delegiite'8 olllce at Koom 4S, blk. onice hours: 7 tog a. in.; Mo ft p.m. J. M. Cunnkks, Sec'y. A. D. Cowuss, lVes. ART EMPORIUM. 27 W. Mrst South St., SALT LAKE CITY. Stamping, Designing Bnd Embroidery. Instructions given in all the Arts. . JAMES FEN WICK Practical . Ilui-aloe-r, STEAM ANl OAS FITTER, 61 E. Third South St., SALT tAKE OITT, UTAH. JAPANESE GOODS SACRIFICED FOR THE NEXT EIGHT DAI THE MIKADO STORI Will sell their Entire Stock of Japanese Goods, includ-ing all Silks, such as GOWNS, PANELS, SCREENS PIECE GOODS, PORCELAft BRONZES, POTTERIES, ETC., Regardless of Cos HARRY SYMONS, Assignee. We Offer This Week 300 Child's stylish Presses. Just, received, at the following tempting prices: 6 years at J3.75; 8 years. IM: 10 years, M.35, and U ycara, U.M. The materials, styles and workmanship of these Dresses make them THE BARGAINS OF THE SEASON lr you wast an Infant's Coat or Cloak NOTE THE FOLLOWING PRICES: Infants' Union Cashmere Coats in Tan, Blue and Cream, at $I.S0, 81.76 and P3. Infants' flue Coats lu Cream and Tans, f ws. 8i."5, 83. W. Splendidly embroidered Infants' Long Cloaks, at ja5, $3. To, $1.50, S1.75, $6.50 and $7.60 each in Cream and Tan. 30 pieces donble wide Dress (Joods.tn new Spring shades, at 97ljc. a vajd. 1 lot of Ladies' fast Black Hose, full regular, at :!0c., sold everywhere at 3oc. 1 lot of striped, fast. Black Hose, colored toe and heel. 50c.. cheap at 75c. 1 lot of Child's fast Black, riblwd Lisle Thread Hose, sizes 5 to 8H, at 80c., regular price 30c 1 lot Boys' fast Black Bicycle Hose, full English, double knee and toe, at fl, regular price $1 35 Hot each of Ladles' ribbed vests, Just opened, at laiic, M0c., 25c., S0c., up to jl.5l) each best value iu this city. 1 lot each of high Novelties In Ladles' Windsor Ties, at tf5c... fiOc.. "Sc.. $1. Wo have received quite an Assortment of Ladles' Heady-mad- e Calico and Sateen Wraimers which we offer at very LOW PRICES, from flUc. each upwards. 30 pieces each Colored Modras Scrim in latest, designs and colorings, at 10c.. 30c. and 35c ner vri 1 lot of Black and Colored Silk Panels, at iv& each, worth JB. ' Our Carpet Department. Has received beautiful Gobelins. Moquets, Velvet, Body Brussels and Ingrains ranirfnir from 25c. per yard to $S.50 per yard. ' s s Also new Curtains In Swiss Tambour, Nottingbanis and Silk, ranging from II to 20 a pair. OUR CHILDREN'S CLOTHING DEPT. Has received a splendid lot of Jersey Suits ranging from 4 to 8 years, and Kilts ranglnc from to 5 years. For varioty of style, taste and workmanshly they are unsur-passe- Prices ranging from J3.S0 to i8 each. ' Mail Orders Solicited from Fai and Near! We Guarantee Satisfaction, or Money Refunded I ESTABLISHED 1864, ONE PRICE TO ALL F. AUERBACH & BRO. ALFEED DUNSHEE, Real Estate Loans, Investments, 161 Maine St Rear of Jones' Bank. SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH. . G. MoAlmstib. D, H. MoAllisteb. McAllister bros., Real Estate and Lands 265 S- - Maine Street, Tnder Abstract OlUoe, SALT LALE CIT J. W. WHITECAR, Designer and Engraver on Wood, 121 S. Main Sf., Salt Lake City, S. F. SPENCEE & CO.. Real Estate, Loans, Investments 2G"t S. Main St.. Salt Loke City. Complete List of City and Acreage Property, j-- J. F. JACK, Real Estate, :3 South Maiu. Salt Lake Citt. S If l KMHMMaHaLM Be Wanted ai Raise "Well, sir, what is it?" said the pro-prietor of the store to the young man who had entered his office. "It just occurred to me that a large proportion of my daily work consisted , in hollering 'cash!'" "No doubt." "And seven dollars a week Is the ex-tent of my income from this establish-ment." . "Yes." "Well, I wanted to know whether you couldn't arrange it and give me a little clearer idea of what I am talking about during the course of my duties." Wash-ington PoBt. A Bucollo Proposal. Young Farmer (twirling his hat ner-vously) Mr. Smith, your daughter Sally an I have agreed to get married, pro-vidi-you're willin'. What do you sayl Old Farmer Well, I dunno; you see, I've wintered her, and it's hard to lather go jest when she could be useful. If yer both can wait until arter harvest tiinr this year, I'll be willin'. enough. Now York Press. Made Light of It. . Tailor (looking over bills) That fellow Slimly makes light of his obligations, doesn't he? Collector (facetiously) Yes, he lit the gas with the last one I handed him. Wasliington Star. Wouldn't Believe Him. Tom I told Dick that fish story you told me, Harry Did he believe it? Tom No; that is, he didn't after I told him you were the author of it. Yankee Blade. Vp In Bis Profession. "Charlie, that's a handsome cape over-coat of yours. The man that made it knows his business." "Yes; Snipp made it; he's a man of great Clothier and Fur-nisher. A Shopkeeper's Spasm, Popinjay (passing store) Good gra-cious! What is the matter with that man leaning over the counter in there? Blobson Got a counterfeit, I guess. Burlington Free Press. What an Ideal Wife I think you might carry some-thing. 7 Husband My Sear, you forget I am carrying the umbrella. Once a Week. Almost. I kissed her (almost) as we said "Good-by- " in the hall that night; I kissed her (almost), oh, faint beartl There wasn't a soul In sight. I dared to. (almost) dared to kiss That little upturned face; I dared to, (almost) dared to fold My love in a fond embrace. The ckarm of the moment returns to me, As back to that time I look; I feel Lie clasp of that little hand Aid the kiss that I (almost) took. ' Frank I'ojjmon in Puck, rwf Much So. Mrs. Cumso Here's an account of a couple who walked fifty miles to a min-ister to (?et married. Cumso Now that was a roam antio wedding. Yenowine's News. |