OCR Text |
Show ' SOLOMON NOT IN IT. Israel's Old Time Justice of the Peace Palls Before Judge Laney's Decision. THE JAIL YAWNS, BUT NOT TOE JOE Mr. Simons of That Name Happily AcquittedGrades Ac-quittedGrades of Deafness Police Matters. Solomon of old, could lio have traded oil' his trappings of silk and gold and driflod into tins police o.ourt UiU morning, morn-ing, would have realized that ho wasn't in it. The forensic light which contemplated con-templated the bisecting of a baby like meat would have paled beside the smoothness of Judge Laney in getting around a question about fourteen degrees de-grees more seeondite than anything the sou of David ever found to confront him. Joe Simons is an Eiiglisliniau and an energetic little chap, lie wears a cheeked cheek-ed coat and drops Ids If s. He was on trial for refusing to get out of the way of Fire Chief Stanton when the latter was making tho rim in his buggy to the brewery lire. Chief Stanton declared that lie rang his bell but Joe with his one horso shay held a crossing which tho lireiuan wanted to pass over and when Stanton yelled to him ho requested request-ed him to go to , and go then! with alaority. William (iilbert, the Chief's driver, corroborated tho story of his superior. i'or himself Simons oll'ered the defense de-fense that the delay was unintentional as ho is slightly deaf? He heard something some-thing but when ho saw the chief coming com-ing he just took him from his actions to bo "h'a drunken duck from the cawinp," and yelled back at him. His request (o Stanton to emigrate to a warmer clime was only partially followed fol-lowed out, as tho chief continued on to the lire instead of going directly to the infernal regions. An elderly man named George M. G aster said that Joe had behaved just as an ordinary man would have done under the circumstances, as it was impossible im-possible to tell it was the chief until the oilieial had passed. "Is your hearing good?" asked Mr. Eichner, who was prosecuting. 'Not as good as it has been. Not as good as ten years ago." And then was the question would have fooled Solomon. It was as to whether Simons or the old man was the harder of hearing. If Simons, he was all right; if tho old man, ho might bo all wrong. The judge wrestled with tho question until he sweat. He told tho diO'ereneo between pro bono publico pub-lico deafuoss and ad valorem deafness and o plurilms nnum deafness. Ho dug through the various ramilications of deafness and labeled every brand for tho benelit of the attorneys and tho attendance. at-tendance. "If," ho said, "Simons' was deafness in the first degreo it is but just to let him Off. If in the second, justice should be tempered with a cold, hard $10 line, and if it be deafness of the third degree and on up to the Oriental or Scottish rite degree tho penalty must be correspondingly corres-pondingly enhanced. But I believe enough deafness could be got nut of him for a mess, anyway, so 1 shall dismiss dis-miss him." Whereupon Joe gathered up an armful arm-ful of the h's he had dropped anil hurried hur-ried gaily away. "Is i'rank Smith in courl?" Judge Lauey queried in a casual manner, gazing gaz-ing at the array of talent w hich confronted con-fronted him. . He was, lie ambled forward, presenting pre-senting a picture of the post mortem of a howling jag. His hair hung over his face in a limpid fashion and lie looked generally discouraged. "Say. what do you do for a living?" inquired his honor. 'Tm a spinner. I work down in tho mountains." "Spinning there" ho asked. "Yes sir, under the high protective tariff home industry is fostered and we have wool spinning clown there." "Were you ever here before?" "Yes, s-sir," dubiously. "Well, you may spin along in the direction of the jail, or pay a tribute of $10 into tho coffers of this city." Tho coffers got nothing, but tho jail did. Thero were live more who had been on benders, and they got it in $5 and $10 order. |