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Show OUR BOARDING HOUSE. The Inhabitants Hold a Meeting and Promulgate a Declaration of Bights. THEY WILL STAND IT NO LONGEB. The Stained Glass Man Bushes to the Eescue With His Little Lit-tle Document, "There will he a meet.ng of the boarders after supper," remarked the lawyer as the crowd sat around the tablo trying to satisfy the cravings of the inner mau. "Where?" said tha railroad conductor con-ductor between a mouthful of very poorly 'constructed corned beef hash. "Up in my room," replied the lawyer. "Pass the word around will you," and it was passed. Could the proprietor, the steward, tho clerk or the cook have gazed upon the group that assembled and heard the language used they would have probably prob-ably felt much the samo as George III did in the days of the revolution. "Fellow sufferers" remarked the lawyer law-yer "we meet here on this occasion to protest agaiust the regime of food-furnishing that has been adopted by the proprietors of the caravansary. I for one am tired of this eternal monotony. Instead of green peas we get canned corn and very ordinary corn at that. In lien of roast beef red, rare aud juicy, we are served with a leathery substance that is impossible to chew, let alone digest." "Yes, and all the pudding we get is second-hand nee," remarked tho conductor.' con-ductor.' .'..- "And we don't see a deoeut bowl of soup once a year," said the gas man. "And the beans are of tho vintage of 1886," chimed in the violinist. "And the potatoes aro two years old," ejaculated tho artist on stained glass windows. i- "And the butter ought to have its whiskers dyed ": warbled the commercial commer-cial agent. "Well," resumed the 'lawyer, "what shall we do? Shall we be thus imposed upon or shall we rise up in our might and command a halt? I walk on the market day after day aud see new asparagus for sale cheap. . At the tablo my eyes rest upon succotash of uncertain age. I see juicy ripe strawberries exhibited for barter and am compelled to feed ou boiled rice. When my appetite has bocn excited by tho sight of a juicy porterhouse I am compelled to gorge myself with cold boiled ham. When I dream of celery I am treated to last year's onions sliced in venegar." "Yes," said the gas man, "and when I yearn for chicken I get liver. When I think of mountain trout I get salt cod. And the soup" "Ah, the soup," echoed the crowd. "Yes," broke in tho violinist, "and when I think of the goodies I got down in Kentucky It makes me sadjl In place of cucumbers I get "old chow-cow. When I long for some sirloin I got fried mush. When I dream of baked apples I get stewed prunes, and if my taste craves strawberry shortcake what do I get? I get-" "Nothing!" chorused the crowd. "Ah," said the conductor, "how true it is. When I want pickled young beets I got boiled turnips. When iny soul longs for salad they serve onion slaw. When I crave cabbage I get " "Say no more," shrieked the stained glass artist. "Say no more, I repeat. We will rebel. Here is the document which we will submit. .Listen while I read," aud without further ado he be- gan: When in the course of humaii events it becomes be-comes necessary for a lot of hungry people to get up and kick on the Dili of fare, a decent respect for the opinions of mankind who are better fed than we, compels us to declare in nonpareil boldface the causes which lead up to the protest. We hold these truths to be self evident that all men are created equal; that they are endowed en-dowed by their Creator with certain lnalien-uble lnalien-uble rights and that chief among them Is the right to something to eat. The present landlord of this hashhouse has trampled on these rights and we can stand it no longer. He has refused to give us tho common things that the market affords. The coffee is so weak it has to come in on crutches, and the soup has to be prorped up. The cook doesn't know the difference between be-tween a biscuit and a billiard ball, and as he talks in a foreign tongue which we do not understand, un-derstand, it is of no use to kick to him. Now therefore, we the boarders in convention conven-tion assembled, prompted by a yearning de-Sire de-Sire for something edible do declare that the following articles must be added to the emaciated ema-ciated menu at once. First-New potatoes, peas and a few chunks of asparagus. Second-Celery, young onions and a few tomatoes to-matoes fnot canned.) Third The beefsteak must be from a point at least eighteen inches In rear of the horns. Fomth-We positively refuse to eat mutton from a sheep over nine years of age. Fifth We Insist that the bill ot fare shall be changed at least once per month. Sixth-Buttermilk as a dinner beverage w 11 not be allowed except when churned within thSevemh-The steward shall be compelled to eat dinner with the regular boarders In order tb.it he may know what to do, being guided by their expressions and having an opportunity to see how it is himself. And for the better protection of ourselves we mutually pledge our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor and vow by the leapimi ; John Rogers that we will jump our board bills 11 things don't change at once. "Let me be the John Hancock of the delegation," said the lawyer. "And I the Ben Franklin," said the jras man. "And I will act as Charles Carroll of Carrollton," said the violinist. "And I will be the Robert Treat Paine." said the conductor. "And I the Robert Morris," said the aS"Aiid I the Benjamin Rush," said the stained glass man. Then they adjourned. |