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Show flSflLIR, He Eelates His Tale of Woe for the Week Just Closed and Tells How Julia VISITED THE SALVATION AE5IY, Another Wife to Be Added to the Seven Eauhah Has a Bouncing Baby Boy. My friend, the Elder, ambled into my sanctum this morning with a sort of 1-wish-I-knew-whcre-to-put-it expression on his usually benign countenance. That he was iu trouble I. could plainly pereeivo by tho far away look in his mild blue eyes, and the chilicolorow tang in his erstwhile pleasant voice. But as a matter of form, 1 ceased to heed the otliec devil's yell for "copy," aud pleasantly bidding him good morn-morning, morn-morning, Inquired what was the matter." mat-ter." "What is the master?" ho echoed. "What is the matter? Why everything. I sometimes wish I were dead or back in Ohio, it makes but little difference. It's the women that are tormenting the life out of me." 'What have they boon doing now?" I inquired. "Oh, everything" was tho response. 'You know I told yon last week about them all wanting new bonnets. Well I bought 'em all one. Tsent Luclla, sho's No. (J, back to York state on a trip an' bought Laura, she's No. 3, a new dress; I even put 'Tilda, she's No 4, in a separate sep-arate house, and fixed up Jane's, she's No. 1, children. Buttt seems that all I can do-is of uo hsc aud 1 am nearly ready to quit," anjl here the old man . heaved a sigh as big as a pound of wool and as sogs;y as a lump of unbaked biscuit dough. 'You see it's this way," weut on the old man wearily. "Julia, she's No. 7, as I told you before, wanted me to go to parties with hCr and I agreed. Took her to two last week. Last uight I had made arrangement to bat supper in 'Tilda's new room, in honor of the event. It was goin' to bo a late affair Tilda was to set tip soda rolls an' honey, an' some fried link sassige. There ain't anything in this world I like bet-ter'nlliem bet-ter'nlliem things, so I was calculatin' on a good time. An' I didn't cat unv dinner ou 'count of it. An' jest as 1 was kinder spruein up a little who should come in but Julia. Said she wanted to go down to tho Salvation army niectin'. I told her 'twas no place for us, but she said sho was goin' aud I had to go with her and miss all that good stuff, and that, made 'Tilda mad, an she 'lowed if I was, goin' to quit my good meals to go with that young thing, she called her, why I needn't come fooliu' 'round her no more. But Julia's young aud good lookin', an' I didn't want her to go alone, so I went. Came near starvin', too. Had to fill up on a lot o' cold cabbage cab-bage when I got back. Now 'Tilda she's madder'n a hornet an' says she's goin' to git unsealed aud marry old Bishop W igfall, an' that makes me feel sad 'cause 1 dou't know what Mary's, slio was No. 5, children will do. "Oh, I like to forgot," said tho old man as his face lightened up. "I'm goin' to take another wife. Mighty good woman loo. Lives down at Manti. She's only 85 and han'some as a pioter. Goin to be married Wednesday. I'll send around a nice piece o' cake or sutnthin'. Just fix it up fer me, will you? Give me a good scad off so's tho other elders will think I'm a pretty prominent old man yet- "Jane's 'she's No. 1, been eansiu' an uncommon lot o' trouble this week, too. Sho was bound to have her picture taken and said she wanted it lu tights jest like these variety actresses.' I told her sho was too skinny, but no she said if I didn't agree she'd throw my pants what she was mendin' at the time down ijie cistern. I didn't have any otherpair an' as I was in bed at tho time she was makiu' these remarks she had the cinch on inc. So I drawed a check for tho tights and the pictures aud next day she went down. You orter see them pictures. Why, great Scott I laughed till I cried. Sho looked like tho very . old Nick. A mu.ciiin man bought one of 'em. aud put it ou exhibition exhi-bition as u likeness of liider Haggard's 'She' She got so mad that sho hit me with a frying pan. Thai's what made this scar ou my head. Luclla, she's No. 7, she got me in trouble, too, just 'fore she weut away. Took the money I was goin' to turn over to the tithing house and put it in her pocket and skipped oft'. Now I'll have to sell my yearling colt an' I know if I kept him he'd do a mllo in 82 in a year more, but I guess I'll have to let him go, cause if I don't something is liable to drop iu my neighborhood, and drop hard. "Well, I guess I'll go up and sec what the wimmcn's got fur lunch. Oh 1 1 most forgot. You might give Hannah, sho's No. 2, a little send-off.. She presented pre-sented me with a tine hoy Tuesday night. Hannah's a good woman, an' I'd liko to see her feel good, an' a httie thing liko a piece in the paper does a woman so much good, you know." And the elder faded. |