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Show far i i i ." 'Y ADVbNIUKCKo CLUB . . am 't "Maniacs 1 rap By FLOYD GIBBONS Famous Headline Hunter. one from a fellow reportcr-a-nd by golly, after HERE'S yarn I am almost convinced that maybe there is a thrill or two in the newspaper business after all. Charles K. Clrlch of Long Island City Is the lad. and It happened on working as a reporter for the Sunday, January 1013. while Charley was New York Herald. He was sent by his city editor to Interview a man who had called up on the telephone and promised the paper he biggest "beat" since the Spanlsh-Amerlca- n war. Well, Char ey does., tAnow but it certainly landed him In the biggest mess Its being the biggest beat, of trouble since that war the fello mentioned. Ths address they had given Charley was In the sixth story of an apartment building in One Hundred and Twenty-secon- d street On the way up. he noticed that the negro elevator boy turned three shades whiter when he told him whom he had come to see. The boy said: "I hopes you has a good time with that bird." But Charley attached no particular significance to his cryptic remark. As he approached the door, Charley heard angry shouts and oaths within, accompanied by the screeching of a parrot. During a lull In the shouting he heard sounds such as a man might make by beating a bird-cag- e with an Iron rod. The sounds mystified Charley, but they didn t alarm him. If they had, he might have saved himself a lot of trouble. Reporter Invited to Enter Room. Charley rang the bell. A tall, stout man opened It. He was in bis shirt sleeves and on bis left shoulder was perched a parrot, lie had a jb j The Man Invited Charley to Enter. heavy stick In his right hand. Ills face was swollen, and froth flecked his pale lips. Charley thought he was drunk, hut he explained his errand. The man Invited Charley to enter and, grasping his arm In a vise-lik- e grip, pulled him into the hall. He thrust him into a small parlor, locked the door and put the key In his pocket. Then, for the first time, Charley began to be afraid. This man was a luna- - , tic a vfl.trong, athletically built lunatic. And except fqr a small pocket knife, Charley was unarmed. The man thrust the parrot Into its cage and fell to beating the cage with a stick. The parrot shrieked at each blow. "You'll force me to kill you yet, Kmma iJoldninn,' the man shouted, and spat viciously at the bird. There was no douht In Charley's mind now. The man was a raving lunatic. He got up to go. but the man turned on him snarling: "Sit down, d n you. I'll attend to you as soon as I've finished with Kmma Goldman." Then he fell to heating the parrot's cage again, and Charley sat down. He had just remembered that the key to the room was in the lunatic's pocket. Maniac Threatens Him With Death. When the man had finished beating the cage he turned again to Charley. "I'm an electrical expert," he said suddenly. "I'm go-ing to charge you with electricity to the gills." Charley looked around wildly for some means of escape. There was none. "And what If I refuse to be charged with electricity?' he asked. The big man smiled coldly. Facing him menacingly he whispered: "He-fus- e and you die. You have your choice. The operation may kill you, but surely you won't mind sacrificing your life for science, will you?" A queer story of Ie Maupassant's flashed into Charley's mind the story of a man who outwitted a homicidal maniac by humoring him. No, he said, he'd he glad to sacrifice his life for science. And then he feigned sudden Illness and leaned against a door. "I'm sick," he said. "You don't want a sick man for this operation, do you?'' "Certainly not," the man growled. "A perfectly sound man is needed." "Then," said Charley, "I think I'd better take a walk around the block and get some air. I'll be back In a few minutes and we can go on with the operation." Wild Man Falls for Story. "I think you're right," the man assented heartily. "I'.ut it's under-stood you must come hack In five minutes. Do you agree?" Charley nodded. The big man unlocked the' door and followed him through the hall. "Remember," he shouted as Charley passed out of the door, "you're to be back In five minutes." He slammed the door, and Charley went down the stairway, three steps at a time. Outside, he found a policeman and told him his story. Six husky cops were sent to the house with orders to arrest the madman. He fought them fiercely for ten minutes before he was subdued and placed in an observa-tion ward at Bellevue hospital. "Later," says Charley, "they removed him to Matteawan Hospital for the Insane, at Keacon, N. Y., and placed him In a strait-Jacke- t. He died there some months afterward. In the room in which he proposed to conduct experiments on me they found a revolver and two large knives, sharp as razors. That he aimed to carve me Into bits, once he had me under his control, was as certain as two and two make four. Thanks to De Maupas-sant's story, I escaped that fate." WNU Service. SINCE It Is probable that the true purpoie of sports Is to permit customer! and contestants to re-lease pent-u- p emotions, I often gaze with wonder upon the Joe Louises, the Hank Leibers and the Glenn Cunninghams. How these eminent sporting gentlemen popularly and properly labeled as "Dead Pans" manage to get away with It Is a problem that well could Interest any student of box office appeal. Yet they do got away with It and. Indeed, those faces which never have twitched a muscle even at the tightest of moments, have perhaps come to an Important reason for their owners' eminence. No douht the average fan, aecns- - W Ml W) tomed to running through all the emotions In the course of a day, al-ways will love the mobile-mugge- d Babe Ruths better because he can understand them better. But this very element of difference also causes him to stare In fascination at the celebrities who are as un-blinking while slashing an opponent to ribbons as while nibbling a crumpet Strangely enough. In view of the general belief concerning the fem-inine temperaments, women ath-letes seem to assay a higher per-centage of dead pans than do the men. There are moments when certain little twists or twinges of their bodies indicate their opinions rather freely, but the faces of Mrs. Helen Wills Moody, Miss Helen Jacobs. Miss Jane Sharpe, Miss Nor-ma Taubele and Miss Josephine Crulckshank remaiu as calm In vic-tory as In defeat. Recalling "Dead Pan" of Helen Wills Moody BHBlBBaaBaaflaiBJBSMBB Miss Moody, who refused even to look at Miss Jacobs while shaking tin ml for th hen- - 0 New York Port WNU SarWca. Dizzy Dean's Howl Just Ballyhoo, Not Temperament IT WAS perhaps to be expected that the feeling of unrest that has been Irritating so many micro-phones and congressional records should t last come to aggravate the gentlemen who perform in sports. From winter resorts, from night clubs and from less ably ballyhooed centers of athletic antics and en-deavors terse bulletins proclaim the news that the boys no longer are weakening their niftiest sayings with smiles. As one who must live (not too well) by sports I have been reading such reports with proper diligence. While reading and while duly rec-ollecting how the well-acte- d rages of wrestlers and other celeluated statesmen so often have elevated the minds of the customers I also have been doing some wistful won-dering. Obviously. If the performers can engage In their work with blood in their eyes as well as on their noses the situation soon may be vastly Improved. New pntrons will be at-tracted and the waning attention of those who once were steadfast In their faith will be revived. This Increased rest for laying It on the line should be beneficial for all concerned. Promoters and their beBweated prima donnas should be enabled to purchase new limousines. The National league might be en-abled to pay its best umpire what be deserves, the state of New York might get some decent Income from the quasi-lega- l gambling and even the Phillies might be enabled to ar-rive at the clubhouse each day with a smile on their Hps and two bits In the bank. Unless you know your baseball well enough to be aware that Dizzy Dean merely Is a large body of man entirely surrounded hy press agents you are apt to suspect a vast sea of bitter Jealousy separates him from bis Alma Mater and his fel-low students. Actually nothing efit of the photog-- r a pliers ut Sea Ilrlght one year, Is perhaps the most famed of those dead pans. Yet there is the dis-tressing case of Miss Tuubele, who looks so sad dur-ing a match that she feels that way i 1: .1 before It is over Helen Wills and so bursts Into Moody tears when she loses. Also there Is the misfor-tune of Miss Crulckshank. Just as Miss Virginia Van V!e of the golf tournament Is a vastly different person from the young lady who Is known to her friends ns Gino Van W'le, Miss Crulckshank seems to have two personalities. So, In those very cheerful moments away from the courts, she regrets that sober face she always displays In competition. This regret shared hy some oth-er contestants who feel that If they could warm the sympathy of the could be farther from the truth. For Instance, there Is the chit-chat that Is being exchanged con-- I cernlng his newest contract. D I z as y quite rightfully Is claiming that he Is the best pitcher In baseball and there-fore Is worthy of the best salary. Ills St Louis owner, If I have read some of the more eminent sports commenta-tors correctly, is at- - crowd the tempo of tlieir play would be speeded In time with the applause Is on the red Ink side of the dead pan ledger. On the other side the absolute control over nerves and muscles enjoyed hy a Paavo Nurml or a Hill Carr, though, had a most Important part In making them the great runners that they were. Oblivious to all outside Influences, they could pace themselves through all those split seconds of action and reaction which make records. Occasionally great stone faces are useful for purposes of the moment, although not a usual part of the athlete's equipment. For Instance, there Is the "dummy" play In bas-ketball, where a man stays close to the basket, looks unconcerned and endeavors to lure his opponent Into a false sense of security. Then a pass Is thrown to him, he puts up his hands to catch the ball at the last possible moment and If he Is such an adept at tiie play as Nat Ilolman, Marty Friedman, Max Posnak or Moe Spaha scores a field goal Still this variety of dead panning Is perhaps as far apart from the regular article as was one of the more celebrated exploits of Silent Jack Richardson. Having been pre-sented by Harry Sinclair with a horse named Bruns, Mr. Richardson let every one believe that this was Just the sort of horse that should be given away. Then, on the proper day and at the proper odds, which were 30 to 1, Bruns won at Kmpire City. Perhaps Max Baer's scowls, gri-maces and smirks attracted undue Diizy Dean. tempting to pay him off with rain checks. So there Is blood on the moon. All this does injustice to Sam Breadon and Branch ltickey, chan-cellors of the Cardinals' exchequer. It Is true that they are suave gen-tlemen who often have been won-derfully persuasive when dealing with lesser toilers In their vine-yards, but fhey also are gentlemen who are richly endowed with com-mon sense. This means that when their star performer has boasted and blasted himself onto enough front pages they will Immediately prove to him that advertising pays. With due acknowledgment of the fact that they have a pennant-contendin- g club and also a pitcher who would be cheered even If he wore a Giants' uniform In Brooklyn, they will lay It on the line. Thereupon the best hurler in baseball will become the best-pai- d hurler In baseball. Naturally, Dizzy will not get the $!0,X) which he Is hurling Into the contest right now along with a plethora (sure, I looked It up) of bitter adjectives. Just as naturally he does not expect It any more than he expects anyone to take seriously the harsh words he has been saying about his battery mate, Virgil Da-vis, Esq. attention because there have been so many dead-panne- d boxers. Flrpo never smiled. His eyes were wide open and he stared coldly. Jeffries' face seldom changed from a frown. Willard's eyes glared out of a face that might have been carved from wood. In spite of the reported emo-tionalism of their race It cannot be recalled that Peter Jackson or Jack McVey, very good negro fighters, ever wore other than the same stolid look that marks Louis. Not in the box score: Jack Dempsey and the Hearst A. C. are making faces at one another because the former heavyweight champion Is muscling in on the fight promoting gag . . . Monk Meyer, army's backtield star, refuses to take a bath during the four days immediately preced-ing a football game. Fears that the water may weaken him ... At the more conservative Yale the football aces are prohibited from bathing on Fridays during the season. $uuia reason. Cleveland May Inherit Big-Tim- e Hockey Team Cleveland seems definitely to be the town to inherit the big time hockey franchise which Les Caua-dien- s will surrender after the pres-ent season. Al Sutphin, who will give up bis Cleveland Falcon hold-ings, is to put up the dough. He will opera to a farm in Rochester . . . San Jose, Calif., will send 39 of Its citizens into professional base-ball this year ... In the future there wlJl be a close connection be-tween the management of Aldo Spoldl and that of Cleto Locatelll . . . Pedro Mcntanez has two bod,, guards. i How National Parks and National Monuments Diff, There are 20 nntlona parlJ more than 70 national nwnuJj Generally speaking, national nJ-are areas preserved hy the fejjf government because of their I standing scenery, while nav monuments are either building"' areas preserved because o( t1 prehistoric, historic, scientific, 't logic or biologic Interest. For example, Carlsbad cavern, New Merlco Is classified as i J tlonal park, while Chaco canyon New Mexico Is listed as a naty monument of Interest because of J historic clilt dwellings. Though tj of the national parks are la j) West and Southwest, there are $ ers In all parts of the United SuJ In Alaska and Hawaii Both ks. I tlonal parks and national monuny are open to the public. DurinjJ last 25 years visitors registering national parks have Increased fcj about 108,000 annually to more tM 4,000,000 in 1935. There are inl ditlon eight national military paJ and 143 national forests with itc-- area of 103,000 acres. Vas Star. I Life and Death Clock to Impress People of Berlin Every live minutes-- the steel ham-mer of a great clock In IVrlln tolls nine strokes, Indicating that nine babies are born on (in average dur-ing this period In (lermany. A big double-bulbe- hour glass beside the bell turns over every five minutes to remind people that seven Hermans have died while the nine babies were being born. The clock has been built to sug-gest, In more emphatic fashion than the usual timepiece, the eternal change between life and death-a- nd to Impress upon Germans the dan-gers of a falling birthrate. Pear--1 son's Weekly. Crocheting an Afghan, Tomorrow's Heirloom PATTEIIN B254 What more conducive to "forty winks" than this fluffy, lacy afghanl Its crocheted warmth will ward off the most treacherous draughts, Its color brighten and gladden any room it adorns. A very simple pattern to follow, too. The stripes look like tiny dulsles strung together, and are In a crochet stitch which busy hands and needle soon learn to do by heart. Lovely In three shades of one color. It Is also effective with each stripe a different color. In pattern 5254 you will find direc-tions for making the afghan; an Il-lustration of It and of the stitches used; material requirements, and color suggestions. Send 15 cents In stnnips or coins (coins preferred) to The Sewing Clr- - .... ti..,nt,M Aria nptir.. 2.r!) W. IMG 11UU11U'U ...... -- ., I Fourteenth St, New York, N. Y. The Man Who Knows Whether the Remedy You are taking for Headaches, Neuralgia or Rheumatism Pains is SAFE is Your Doctor. Ask Him Don't Entrust Your Own or Your Family's Weil-Bein- g to Unknown Preparations BEFORE you take any don't know all about, for the relief of headaches; or the pains of rheumatism, neuritis or neuralgia, ask your doctor what ho thinks about it in comparison with Genuine-Baye- r Aspirin. We say this because, before the discovery of Bayer Aspirin, most "pain" remedies were ad-vised against by physicians ns being bad for the stomach; or, often, for the heart. And the discovery of Bayer Aspirin largely changed medical practice. Countless thousands of people who have taken Bayer Aspirin year in and out without ill effect, nave proved that the medical findings about its safety were correct. llemembcr this: Genuine Bayer Aspirin is rated among the fastest methods yet discovered for the relief ol headaches and all common pains ... and safe for the average person to take regularly. You can get real Bayer Aspirin at any drug store simply by never asking for it by the name "aspirin" alone, but always saying BAYIiR ASPIRIN whea you buy. Bayer Aspirin Still Coughing? Uo matter how many medietas! you have tried for your cough, chest cold or bronchial Irritation, you cat get relief now with Creomulsio&t Serious trouble may be brewing aaif you cannot afford to take a charm I with anything less than Creomiti eion, which goes right to the sea! of the trouble to aid nature til soothe and heal the Inflamed ws, branes as the germ-lade- n phlega Is loosened and expelled. Even if other remedies haul, failed, dont be discouraged, jour druggist Is authorized to guarantee Creomulsion and to refund your money if you are not satisfied wiii results from the very first bottle, Get Creomulsion right now. CAdrj UFRE'S RELIEF 1 flSorclrritatedSkin ' Wherever it is however brokenttot surface-freel- y apply soothing Resmoti SUJLaJk U. S. Certified Pullorum j u Tested Chicks j !' j? Whltt Ltihonu. Rhod UUni ttki !; Barred Plymouth Rocks, for immriUU dlivcry. Headquarter! for Hart Guf broodera. for natural, artificial, er tuij; fae, can be Med anywhere. Al ii new Sol-H- Radiant. Phene. write wire for prices and complete Infen- RAMSHAW HATCHERIES I 3487 So. SUtt St Salt Lake City, UL TIMPANOGOS HATCI1ERT I ;;iOI South 7th Eaat Prer. 0Uj jfc&k. Cleanse fXr j? Internally 1 and "feel the difference! B? "r I Why let constipation 1 " J hold you back? Feel 1 "i your beat, look your beat i cleanse internally the I x ST tea cup way. GAR-- fs, N. VFIELD TEA ia not mir-Wrt- f fr acle worker, but week rprr CflMPI C ol thia "internal beauty ""Jepl " i.h you. Begin tonight. Brooklyn, N. Y. (At your drut Hon) It's All I n HOW You Fight BALDNESS! 77-- You need a median that f' bejps your hair to save it--: ? jfby nourishing starved K ' - s hair tooti and Mopping Dan- -. J But you must faithfully keep up the good wotk.SrarttodaywithGlom'a - s Ma"Se Medicine and Glover'a ft Meditated Soap for the sham-- i' , poo. At ill druRgists. Or hve y yout Btrber gne you Glovet'a. Streator-Sm- itl CHEVROLET DEALER offers about 60 CHEVROLETS 40 FORDS AND ABOUT 20 OTHER CARS All Popular Makes '36 models to 78 model recondit and are backed by our Written Guarantee G. M. A. C. Terms Used Trucks Good Trucks Big Trucks Small Truck Stake Pickup and Hyd. Dump toii Price and term to wit n In Salt Lake City visit or BIG USED CAR DEPT. ' lURRITATIONi 505 SO! MAIN Relieve the dryn nd f irritation by applying J Mertlholatum nljhl and morning. If you prefer nose drops, or throat spray, call for the HEW MENTH0LATUM LIQUID In handy bottle with dropper lMir n,i r.,te,M,t.,n-r-.,,,lnm-r,.l-:rr- NOT lonjr ago I was like some friends I have. . .low In spirits..' out of sorts... tired easily and looked terrible. J knew I had no serious organic trouble so I reasoned sensibly.. m't experience has since proven. . .that work, worry, colds and whatnot had just worn me down. The confidence mother has always had In S.S.S. Tonic. . j? still her stand-b- y when she feels run-dow- n. . .convinced me I ought w try this Treatment ... I started a course. The color began to come to my skin. . .1 felt better. . .1 did not tire easily and soon I felt w those were back to fighting strength... great to feel strong again and like my old self. t Insist on S.S5. Tonic in the blood-re- d Cellophane-wrappe-d Pf age... the big 20-o- s. size Is sufficient for two weeks' treatment... more economical, too. WNU W 113G HAVE YOU INDIGESTION? Svffi Mrs. Mabel Hobba of 926 F i Pierpont Ave., Salt Lake V-- x A City. Utah, amid: "My S 4. system had become f 35sVte r- - upset I could not sleep ajO 3 A g and could not stand the I W least noise. I suffered from I kh J indigestion and felt miser-- V able In every way. Two bottles of Dr. Pierce's Golden Medici! Discovery made me feel better than I had felt In some time. I waa able to sleep and was not troubled with atomach distress and gas." Buy new fiew sue, tabs. 50c Liquid SI .00 It IJ.JS. "Ss . World's Biggest Dieiel in Chi1 The largest Diesel power gtatv In the world Is the 37,500 horse po er plant providing electric ene-;- for the French concession In Slut; hal, China. It Is used for light; and for street railway current. Tower. uii AoiDid im me House Ml Try rolling doughnuts after frying In cinnamon and sugar. You may like the flavor. When the lining of your hat be-comes soiled take it out, wash with soap and water and iron. Steam hat, If felt, to renew the color, and sew In clean lining. A very fine sandpaper rubbed over soapstone set tubs or sink before ap-plying linseed oil and turpentine will make tubs as smooth as when new. For luncheon try serving frank-furters In this way: Wrap a slice of bacon around each frankfurter and fasten with a toothpick. Place under broiler until bacon Is crisp. If tea stains are on cotton or linen and only a few days old, soak them In a solution made of one-hal- f to one teaspoon of borax to one cup of water. Kinse In boiling water, Unseed oil applied to leather fur nilure makes It soft and pliable, gives a darker shade and Increases its durability. Fill the coffee pot with cold water to which a tablespoon of baking soda has been added and boll for one-hal- f hour each week. This will re-move the brown stain on Inside of pot. The glass which covers the Indi-cator on your gas oven may be cleaned by wetting a stiff brush with water, sprinkling liberally with a scouring powder and rubbing over glass. oo Glue used to keep furniture parts together cracks and dries out In heated rooms. If a good grade of fish glue Is used furniture should stay glued for a long time. When a hot-wat- bottle leaks It. may be repaired with adhesive tape to hold hot salt instead of water. Onion soup is delicious when grat-ed parmesan cheese Is sprinkled on top of It. If fruit Juice from pies runs out Into the oven, throw salt on It. There will then be no odor and where burned crisp the Juice may be easily removed. ffi Associated Newspapers. WNU Service. Easy to Get On With Complaisance renders a superior amiable, an equal agreeable, and an Inferior acceptable. Addison. Indian "War ripe," which had the bowl protruding from one end of the ax. These were the earliest types smoked by the North Ameri-can Indians. Here are some examples of pipes enjoyed by other nations. The Lap-landers used thin iron and walrus teeth. The West coast tribes of Af-rica used soapstone, which Is a soft substance, easily carved and mold-ed, and unaffected by heat In In-dia and Persia, hookahs, which look somewhat like a coffee percolator at first sight, are popular. Turkey uses much the same thing, but they have another type with a very long stem, the bottom of which is shaped like a foot to allow it to rest on the ground while smoking. Soothing Pipe's History Dates to Indian in 1526 It Is often assumed that briar pipes are made from the wood or root of the briar rose. This is not so; they are made from the root of the Mediterranean heath bruy-er- e, where St Raphael Is the cen-ter. The word "briar" Is really a corruption of "bruyere," according to a writer in London Tit-Bit- Pipes have a long history"."" The first mention of Inhaling smoke by the Indian was In l.V-'- G; the method was a forked cane, the double end being Inserted in the nostrils while the other end was held over the burning herb. From that they changed to the clay pipe, not un-like the ones used In modern times, only very much smaller, and the smoke was expelled through the nostrils to obtain the full narcotic benefit of the expensive herb. Other pipes that were used were the 'Tipes of Peace." These were passed round the warriors In order of their rack and age. Also the' Authorizes Coinage of Money The Constitution provides that congress shall have the power to coin money and regulate the value thereof. The actual mechanical process of coining money Is dele-gated by congress to the Treasury department |