Show Old StorIes Revised BY George Ade I the of Wakefield r One ot of the first Novels written ill i English as distinguished ted fro froe m tho th e American Imitation with the ye Ve Veneer neer said and It was about What happened l ap to t the he preacher This was n a long tI time e ago ago before r F a Crawford began b an tur them the n r out on his II er were do St oe In Ii i t alas e dRYS and Young ML Inn n who was Wye bY Inspirations had hadt ira d t So go Soel Bona 1 tip dI a to him HIe el as a dp t 1 W t ter n The Anther sue In giving away awa awaa a good g td Many Autograph Copies Conies to toti son mental ti F Fr I iLS who vIto said d they woul d prize the V Volume lu m ever ever so 80 much more mor J if they to go o out and bu buit buy Y Jf it But when he collected li he e rover Jeer had to borrow In order to get the Sture to the Bank After Atler he died anal the ex and hue Heirs could not claim n nearly everybody on Earth ht ri the book and they have hav Nn n R at t It ever Or since M soon a u a Copy Copf gets ts so tear Rained thAt the Litres are blurred ana an anfor d for Pages Pa e sit gummed groomed till the owner r J goes H nn and gets 08 n a fresh COl f o r shout bout 29 cents and starts t In to ur up ht hi i J some ome nt re All of Hf which goes to 0 rote n a her r who has been dead 1 O years An In the At the tune the look was th the Minister playing in n a lIin Minor r L Loague a e ewas was known as u a Vicar Now he is known an a good n Things espo espe chilly If he dabbles In Politics The Vicar got Ot many jolts After Arter or a large and hungry Family ne he awoke ke ont morning to learn that ithe the Friend who lied had arranged to let him in on Oft the Ground Floor of aDan tier Proposition was about to file a Petition In Bankruptcy s two Suits or of Clothes s a 8 rung and a I Hot Bag BagIt It is a bleed provision of oC Nature that nearly every Man lIan who loses his Vad has a line nE bunch of Children that fit Are quite beyond tile the reacts rench of Greedy Greed Cre Creditors I lorS We Ye cannot learn from tl a Careful study of oC approved Fiction that old ok Batch ever went broke He Is Ism m enough goo goodness n knows anI R a very vent Melancholy Figure along about t Time but he always has n a bundle or of Money that you push through a Door After being trimmed the Vicar and andt the t h were kept close to the Car Carpet Ir pet ft Th book devotes a goon goor many r Q to telling how they were happy I even though they th seldom had one Dol I Jar ter to rub galat t another In fact the I Story leade l ue to that those tyro live n no Velvet ite dom led lod hU We know that the Vicar And ill and tho cd flock k or of l Qun Folks alid am not a t deal by being Choy lived In the qu quiet t old Days r t 6 i 1 I d dr 1 r I 1 he lookout for fo Burl Bur lle 1 younG yaun fi I t when a little Gooseberry Win Nine and i Pra Prayers rs made maUc up n a hot CombI CombInation nation with which to fill In n a long EvenIng Suppose ho Vicar han had stood In with some of that had succeeded IQ h getting one of ose elegant l kind that every evely American Citizen Js roast roastIng roasting Ing and trying his t to get hold of Could lie he have sot got an any Money Not so you could couta have hae no noticed noticed It Why grieve over the Hard Lu LI lt k of a Household that was ryas on de lt lc l long ng before beCore people had learned how to roll their th h Money oney Nowadays the Lady or of the House who is on her Uppers picks up the bargain bar gain sheet of the Sunday paper and sees the Pictures s of things that she wants to buy and cant cantIn cantIn In 1760 1750 the woman who was flat had nothing to worry worlY her The family across the tho street dId not have any Electric Runabout or a Talking Machine in he Front Room which you could hear a aMile Mile a way away when aU all the windows were open Nobody was expected to pIle worth of American Beauty loses in the centre of tire tto Table ever every time a few In to break Bre Breach d The ie Saday Seaside Hotel Hutel the Win Vin ar l to Flo l ht b a c tl of ofT r T and the he Private Golf Gol Links t re 3 a or of U the Modern f dern N Necessities s that Father Time vas holding up his Sleeve is as a t glad surprise for n a later r tl 1 The Vicar of Wak fields name n as Doctor Primrose but Ire w was s not TO re hated to the celebrated d Primrose al though both were iii th the same Line or o Work That is i they had tom to make he good goo d by oft offo on It Plat Pla o n George Georg e got gob the loin oln and Doctor Primrose e ar arrie rie 1 at the Final Chapter with a Clear Clea r Conscience and just about enough rue FUel 1 in the Cellar to last Jast him to the 1st of o othe the Month But he knew he had bad boon n on the Level and so lie he must have been Hap Happy PY for John D says that tha t those wh who try to get it and rail down often de derive rive rivo a lot of Consolation from the th e Knowledge they have haye been Unspotted The Moral of this let an anone any one Spot you r I But take this story of Doctor Bri rose up ont one side an and Hewn the other and It ft is a Tame Al Af Affair Alfair fair compared witH the adventures of a areal real bus busy Pastor ot of the New School There was a time when every La who was pale and had translucent Fua Ears and preferred doing the HerringBone Stitch to getting out and playing Three I was supposed to be a likely candidate for the Pulpit Nowadays a Bishop of the Diocese is isn i ion on n the lookout for bUrly young Colle Collegians gians who cnn stand off the World and the Devil with the Left while lifting n a Chure t Debt wIth the Right Any young Theolo who moves moes into a Parsonage and undertakes the Contract of f heeding and a and certainly has his own o n Troubles sp spread earl out In front or of trim him like e a Hotel 1 i c 1 I h I t t r r S i iw i w 1 itt P 1 l I I ij I s 1 l r I T Th TF h t j F 1 i t i t i II iZ I Y t i 1 I J I 1 M f I It r t l rs f r r k ki t 1 t N i ip I I I z I a i i F 1 I j jV jr a 1 i I II Ii V r r a k w rr 1 I I t I o 11 v vI vo vt t w wf wY f Y 4 I 1 r y j I 1 d 1 w r rw I I i I j 1 I i i ii y J an any TJ g ERt BackTalk y I In th the old days das the Flock It t took ok any Shepherd that wandered into the Pas Pasture ture lur and allowed hIm to feed ed them diem from the tho Spoon and swallowed eVerything and had to like It OW Now tle Main Performer has todo to do n a few Trial Heats while they hold the Clock Clode on him before Church lIe b rs th lr Rights as Employers and now b belon long to the Miss ouri Family They rhey sit back In their padded Parquet and r F y to the bright young oung Entertainer 1 r jt jest st stOUt OUt of College Come on and show Us If he falls fails to the Goods they thet gt c him toe the G Gate e and send off to the I Works Yorks for another Sample But If he Is as handsome as E H Sothern and can make the Women cry and his Clothes fit inthe in the Back arid and lie ho has no dangerous VIews conflicting with the OpinIons of the P he may have a faIr C Chance anee of going right to work at a SalaT Salary as large as that of a Pittsburg Pi and somewhat In excess of that com commanded commanded by a Farm Hand Having entered upon iris his Career lie he is just as safe any Minute as theman the man who strolls through a smoking a In order to retain the Meal Ticket l he e merely has to talk like Beveridge be a diplomat of the John Hay variety do dothe dothe the Social Act with the grate grace arid and dig dignity ni of our old friend Harry Lehr and sWing the Finances with the keenn Iteen and masterly Insight of Secretary Sh w Captain of the Wall Nall Crew Talk ranc about old Doctor Primrose hay hav havIng lag Ing experiences Did he ever have to discuss Evolution Evolution tion In sU such h a manner that he would not contradict Science and yet wo would ld satisfy the who believed that the World was begun out of Nothing g gone one Monday Morning and had Parks ways Subdivisions and a fe few Early Settlers the following Saturday Afternoon 1 Did the origInal Vicar ot o Wakefield ever have to do a Balancing Act Be Between Between tween the Progressive f faction which believes that the Lower Regions constitute tute a Figure of Speech and the old Wing that wants every Sermon served up hot with Blue Flames Flam s around It the same as a Rum It was Fine Business for the he Vicar of Wakefield to regulate his Parish be because cause whatever he said Went His humble Followers were not flIrt flIrtIng flirting Ing with a lot Jot of outsIde Cults and then coming to Church every Sunday Morn Morning Morning ing loaded to the Gunwales with new rind and startlIng Theories and just achIng for a chan chance e to trip up the Minister make him Im out either a Heretic or a holing Ignoramus This years Preacher is supposed sed to have positive Views on the subject of Alcoholic Nourishment nent Some of the Folks in front believe that the act Of absorbIng a Scotch Highball comes he same Cate Category g gory r as hitting a Crippled Child ChUd in the head ead with air Ay Ax Others constituting what is known as the Liberal Element are arc known to keep keepit it In the C ar after having It delivered the House HOUS In a Grocery Wagon They The 1 I are arc the Liquor j but th they see no harm fn ina a and Wet et trimmings Now all that Friend Minister has tp to I do in the Drink Evil E Is tob to be rabId enough to please the Ab tain rs andt and y et t not drive away from the F Fold ld those Who see no harm hatm In a home homegrown homegrown grown Thirst It If he dhows a frolicsome disposition to mingle with the Young P People ople and cut into their outdoor Sports and try to look more like a Commercial Sales Salesman Salesman man than an Undertaker so as to re remove remove move the Impression that he Is hide hidebound hidebound bound It Is dollars to 0 doughnuts that some venerable old Dodo who manages a Vinegar Refinery will file Charges against him and that a grand cluster of petrified Elders win will try him on the heInous charge of being Worldly Of course In eyet every al Cam Campaign Campaign he must stand standup up and fight for forChie Civic Chie Righteousness and an the Rights of the Taxpayers and ay Closing and every Movement that bears toe the Re Rc Reform form Tag and then the Financial Heavyweight who is one of the Main Mainstays Mainstays stays of the Church and hopes to get n a afew few lovely Franchises out of the pity Council will fall faU on Mr Preacher Uk like a Horse Bors on n a Butterfly an T uy try to have him transferred d i to some other Field of If he be remains cannot hOld hOldt t the Moved Hand ot oP any young Sister i for ot of a Second without having tile the cold ey of Suspicion glued upon him If he marries and Wiley does not hap happen pen to be that matchless com of Saint and Society Queen th that t every everyone one thinks she o oe be the Sewing I Circle stops S working on Pajamas for forthe forthe the and becomes a grand little Anvil Ch Chorus rus The VIcar Q of Wakefield should be overhauled if we are to get the true Inside history of what happens to the Preacher A After ter he has bumped the Bumps ps for many Y arsand trip crIp led himself lf jump ing sideways to fortunate Complications and his Pipes are arc worn out and hen he no longer floats down the Aisle on Sunday morning dressed up like a Bugg but begins to tobe tobe be a little careless and slouChy anti and keeps out the same old Specialty Instead of writing in a lot of new Gags with Light Effects and Pop Popular Popular ular Songs he will wUl be mighty lucky If the Congregation does not sUddenly dis discover discover cover up in Northfield Mass or out In BloomIngton Ill Ilir some Child Won Wonder Wonder der with n a voice like a Bell and a whole lot of New Talk and the good old Vet Veteran eran will be expected to pack up the worth of Household Goods that he saved out of his Salary In less than i t l Years and brush by without any B cle Talk On the other hand It if he makes a Ten TenStrike TenStrike Strike and Is reported In the tho News q papers much to th the horror of those who believe that a Sermon Sennon should con consist consist veY very largely or of an explanation of at what hat is meant by those parts of the Old t Testament that no one understands and o g gets ts a Call to a m metropolis where the Salary is so large that he will be up r rin in the same Class wIth Insurance Agents and Veterinary Surgeons you r may r rest st a assured that the y 1 will get after arter him good and plenty for tor fori i being beans actuated by Mercenary Motives i a Oliver Goldsmith was a Nice Mar Man Marbut r but what he know about some of j i ithe i the new Deals that have been flied fixed up for the gentle genUe MInister of tile the Gospel t would make a Book four times as big bigas x as the stingy little Volume that het hei heiCop wrote I Cop Copyright right 1907 by George Ado Ade in the i United States and Great Britain I t 1 J I 1 rr I j ji i p pI w 1 t r 1 Y f ti f f r j 1 Y f 1 I J i im f J m 1 i J HI fo foJ fot foi t 1 i a t C old ld e jr y 0 f 9 s |