Show 11 Mr Dool ey on n A The P Dunne lh th doln these days drs asked Mr Hennessy Henness Not much said Mr rr Dooley Hes not doln doin much Te Ye seldom hear hoar iv h him Whether VJ ether Us old age ago on onne he ne must be all Iv or th responsibilities iv h th office I 1 dont know but hes kind iv down Now Ko ye take tal e last lat week With rUh the ex exception exception Iv a few ble cabinet officers a battleship battle battleship battleship ship an article on th iv th ancient Greeks th yan church on infant dam darn ration a poker bet between wan vvan Iv his old in an the estate Iv h F another th delights iv ocean to th navy nav passin out a bunch iv lagal lab l tips to th supreme coort a tackles back play Tr Vr football an sindin a recipe fr r pie plant fr th tai table to th Ladles Ladies Cookin Cook in club iv h Omaha ye e might ight say he hardly hard I done last week Maybe th poor man is sick said Hennessy I th tit bit Hes not th kind I that gets sick an th is wan iv 1 th healthiest jobs in th No wan was iver her to it that was even cen suspected iv a slight cough They go JO goIn JOIn goIn In an un they stay All AU AUth th tai has to do is to keep Fair Fairbanks Fairbanks Fairbanks banks out iv h th kitchin Iv h th WhiteHouse White WhiteHouse House No aint sick Hes like Hes settled down to a abroad abroad abroad broad an comprehensive view iv life lifee d lye je e mind He takes no action onless Us demanded be th needs iv th thO whole people Now theres reform No him Iver her tackled that Jackson might have done one it but he been accused iv selfish motives That great man spelled like a broken typewriter Id always thought that if I iver was an I been if It Id stuck in an been heen morn more morel 1 l about where I was th l first thing I do be to make 1 lad ad more be bem bEI bem I m ambition to take th poorest speller IT t this broad land iv h ours an lift him Lf j J vp ti to a n place where lie he cud look in th eye c e th most powerful speller in th lh University iv Akel to spell anny way ye like is mo mu motto Spec al privileges to none Too long have havo we been oppressed be those that know more thin we do Th Tit great masses have been spelled down into th very earth be bloated monopolists iv spell in like Dock Eliot iv 1 Harvard Ive Ie seen it estimated that 90 00 per cent Iv all aU aUth th Ui correctly spelled sPelle s In th thO United States was by three men proposed to off th shackles th hands iv th illiterate an make him th peer iv anny man He demanded th free coinage iv h He e freed a people Ye Te rind Packy to lol anny annj more Hes larned lamed enough w in hes th alphabet All AU ho has to todo todo todo do to make a now that hat will be officially correct is to throw a lot iv 1 let letters letters Into his hat an shake thim out ut But I dont want to give all th credit fr th tit measure that has made us th tai al els Iv th most na nations in th the to me frind I was that put it up to him He has lIas that ought to make a man happy happ He Ho has money he be 11 has fame he has lIas w Carnay gie an hes bes a little deef But nut he happy Or he h With all his wealth this man who had turned out millions iv gran books bools steel rails ralls an American men was wassail sad sail he cud stand his grief griet no nolon longer lon er he wint whit to th about it ft Sire says he Dont call c 11 me nee that says Taft Is he h says sa s Excuse me say I thought I was at bime If ye had a beard an was wag more regal on th waistline wals Une ed look like him Y oer excellency ex I am gloomy these thee days das he says People envy me I can see it In their eyes e es esThe They The think I am happy They Th little know he says Tic I have havo what ought to make anny ann man ratan happy I am rich as th goes I am to a fault especially if its me own I am revered in Scotland worshipped wor worshipped worshipped shipped in New Ne York behind me mo back backan backan backan an In Homestead he says sas they cant ca t speak k iv me without tears I But alas lIas I am not happy This careless this winnin smile this chest which extends behind th line conceal a gray an achin heart he says sas A secret grief grIet is grawin at me vitals Fr oh sir I can cannot cannot cannot not spell he says sars If ye e only knew th agonies I endure m ebrain is with thought thought is to burst out like lava Mount fount an rush ruh to th point iv me pen to have to stop he says an dig he I says say down into me pocket an pull out he says sas a lit little little tle tic spell in book he says an find whether thought is spelled with a J or oran oran oran an r he says saysIe Me ire Ie heart bleeds a good deal al already already already ready says th Ive Ice been given givin th subject a deal iv at atti ti tion fr Cr a long time since ye e come comein comein comein in he says sas I dont like to make up me mind hurriedly he says sa s As ivry ivey ir body bod knows Im reluctant to act on me impulses Make haste slowly if ye must is me mo motto But make haste The Therace Therace race is IR not often to th slow Th short shortest shortest shortest est way wa is th shortest way wa if ye know it Ive heerd iv lv th fable iv th thO tortoise an th tit rabbit Its a fable If it was a iv 1 public form If they iver get up a return match all mo me money goes gees on th tic rabbit So he lie says sas thurly studied th question out he be says sas Us mo me to in this at want he says sas s sIve Ive Ie been to do something that wu w ud all classes iv me coun I nicer niver found that was to all hands What I Idone Idone Idone done fr f r th poor seemed among th rich an what I done f fr r th ter rich seemed bad fr r th thO poor DOor I dont know Why But is good fr tr all th little breaker boy in th mines to th tai coal baron in his private ear th thO plain man in his lis comfortable flat to th mil in his yacht all have hae suffered this tyranny None have escaped th Injustice he says iv through b with an alich ho lie says I will issue an edick at An ha he h says sas all th will know I done it a pure motive mothe for he says I know iv no way iv tv simplifying th I he says An so he ho done it Today th simp simplest simplest lest lesl American citizen is th thO peer pe r iv lv th man that wrote th No more will anny wan have to bow his head headin in shame because bec use he dont know how manny ns there there arre In or orho how ho manny ss a s in n Mississippi He puts In as manny as his means will allow allowan an lets it go at that I seen wan iv th thO other day What does it look like Its beautiful I read like it since th lh Sweet Singer iv Michigan died What else has he done Well VeIl he lie wint down to the slipped quietly out to inspect th ter wurruk iv that mighty highway that will carry American merchantmEn mer merchantmen n th Atlantic to th Pas if we had anny There was no ostentation about th departure On a battleship accompanied ony on be austerity an th tit United States navy he stole away fr r a sur surprise surprIse surprise prise visit As he left eft his departure was announced be th salute iv h four an eight guns to which th forts responded with th usual eleven an nine At th an Jamaica were busy at their th lr wurruk but they managed to give him a hasty an welcome in spite iv 1 th fact that t it had rained fr two weeks an th thO decorations de were somewhat spited Throw in off his hat an all coat he dons don a th tit Isthmus an all nearly nearh stepped on th iv th iv comin com In back This great an statesman right name I have forgot but no matther was well known in our as wan iv 1 th most midgets on th dime mu museum museum museum seum fully three feet two in his hia he bers to put thim on he is th ideel fig figure figure figure ure iv a marshal hero his hand on th kneecap he lie him as s fol Co follows follows lows Great an good brother he says It is a proud an happy happ pr lege to have ye y e in our mist It seems like rain to ye but bu ye niver see wan an iv our thunder showers I make malte no 10 boasts about me domain We Va have hava no rio fertile ferUle fields no mines iv 1 wealth no nd railways ys no no food clothes naw thin much but out Id like bet ye e a all th tit money mOle Bunny Bunn Vanilla says he h has that it rains here n nl more re than it If does docs do s in anny other in the white or black give ive or take ten buckets else we can cm promise ye were sure iv h this that eer canal will al always always ways be full iv wath If th an th Atlantic both up Panny Pann mas blessed rain will always be wet But he says I digress he says We welcome wel ome you to o r ery l do domain domain main he says As far as th hand can reach Jt it stretches out on both sides Iv Ivye Ivye ivye ye where th tai stately washes th feet iv old with little effect he says to where th tu Atlantic oozes up to Colon he says It is eight miles mUes long as th lh crow flies fifes th tit gangs gan s san an thirty yards wide he lie says Our we love it an why hud dent we f fr r it now no or soon to be entirely composed iv i mud thrown out outi iv i an American canal he lie says Wel Welcome Welcome come thrice welcome Serene Brother I IA A brother in salutes ye e he lie I says sas An ye e mind movin thO th left fut a little We Ve dont want anny ann I complications with our iv Costa Rica he says sas Th Ph made a short speech in reply Sir says he I am proud to be bein bein bein in grand gr nd damp r Ye have welcomed me in appropriate language lan language guage but ye e have hava harly said too mush much mu h in th tar circumstances that I made this here little with Avith YUha a scroll saw in me barn ye 0 ought to be proud Droud to see me If ye e aint proud dont show it or Ill give civo Ie ye Y wan wait Im Pin in seem this iv mine It looks in th mass mans thin it does to th naked eye but its all right Certainly th thwan thwan thwan wan in th that was w s made f fr r a canal In fact eer happy I is a canal already If IC Id ony known own it I put In a few 1 locks an invited th navies iv th to slip through I came ashore I thought Id stepped off oft th gangplank n Jour miles out Does th tb sky sk always sob this way way on on n top iv h ye I Iha had ha no idee it U rained so down here hereIm Im iet through Since Ive been talk in Ive had an idea I e Weve Vee got th ca canal canal nal What shall we do with th bye b e epro product pro Ill tell ye e what well do doWell doWell Well veIl pipe eer to fertilize th arid and deserts Iv h th west nest he says saso An sindin a wireless message age fr a mustard bath he dashed dished fr th It was thin four Th next day ay he was in Ricky Rick I heerd much Iv h that lie Ue iv th i blessed lessed since th bold bo d Miles it with his new clothes But it seems to be go ga goin gain goin in on as merrily as iver Th turned out to meet th lh They have to turn far When th tai pop h iv Ricky wants to turn turnout turnout out f fr r a p all it I has to do is to roll over He was met be crowds iv our In but th thO name an th fact They him with a bunch iv h roses an he thim with th franchise American citizens now n like Uk you an me Honored Sir says 8 th thO Chairman iv th thO comity if its not too much ble wild w d ye mind givin us a vote yote Not ot at all aU says sas Tidd No in th least Why ye e it before Jawn wire Loeb at w an tell him to these good fellows th thO franchise bo be mail Ye wait walt fr th formal announcement boys Go on an vote yote just ag ye e arre he says S S An so an another another n nother other star was yas added to th tai bright dy dem on Colum fair brow browAn browAn browAn An now has hes h s home again an glad gladI I lam am to see Pee f ee him Thim Cabnet mim hers bers iv h his hig have hao had th allY airy time iv h hIt it while he lie was gone a iv wurruk did they the do but slept with their heels on th mantle piece be arpin arnin their money now on no snap bein a Cabnet officer Hell sand them back lack to their where they r F sleep with their clothes on an have a messenger call a fire gong an a tilly phone at th head iv th thO bed Hello hello I say Is that ye Jump sai down an take ake th midnight express fr Pr r rN New N w York an tell thim how to vote yote On niver mind a bag Shaw Shan Sha I expect ye to be In Saint Jo tomor tomorrah rah roh avenir at eight I have a message to deliver dellver to th Free Stone Stona Peach association Wire Metcalf to meet in Salt Lake Hake an look th lh Mormon situation in on Tama Jim an tell him to carry carryout carryout carryout out that bag bab iv 1 sunflower seeds with mo me compliments to me mP m old frind an m fellow fello campaigner Scorpion Sam in Tucson Hello hello Is that ye e Taft Oh wake up Its me m What aire alro ye e do doin doIn doin in in bed at this hour Sleep is roon roan in eer I want ye to look up upa a time table an see ye can get th first train to Idaho Oh why shull shulla a young oung fellow follo ike like you mind a little journey Iv three thousand miles be good f fr r ye Take Tako a buff buffay ay car if It Ithe he want to weight T I have hae a message Pr fr f r ye to carry to Bill Biggs at Boise I want ye o to tell him hes a good fellow Ye Yo can go as n far faras faras faras as ye e like lik Dont hesitate to say sayann annj anny thing that comes into head I just issued an edick sayin that th thO will not be responsible sible fr is reported to have said onless he heard him say It An there ye e arre Hes th thO man I He Is that said Mr Ir Hennessy Y i make fun iv lv i him Im with himan him hl an so arre nearly all th up this way wa 4 c Ye ought to be said Mn Mr l r Dooley He spells like lik a he ire acts act acts like e a an he is a combination Us no good goody again Hes very said Mr Hen Hennessy H Hennessy 1 nessy ness Very eo said Mr Ir Dooley Doole If U I wast a aas as poplar as he is Id always keep me ma fingers crossed Copyright 1905 1906 by b H H McClure g la Co |