Show J p O IdS Stories tori s Revised R 1 S d I ly y George eor e Ade e J I UNCLE U CLE TOMS 9 CAREE 1 Showing g What a Jump p the We Gallus Gallas Have Made From om the rho Downtrodden Slave to i Q 0 o f D M It M SHINS Io r 0 p f it iti 5 i 0 0 i O t A y I d r Somebody Sends a Hack for Him A The Th trouble troubie with Uncle Tom Tam was that he never neer went to He got the short end of every deal ar art J was nas as buffaloed by the cruel cr el White taco o because bause he lie was a meek and lowly Chattel haUd If he had attended one of those red redbrick redbrick brick brlek Normal Schools Scho h supported by b 1 Northern Subscriptions Subscription and had learned to wear his hat folded in on top the same as the Yale probably ably JP Ie would have ha turned out to be a Jubilee Singer r with a yellow lIow Suit Case and gold In his teeth tee h and would have felt pit sorry orry for most moat the White Trash that he saw SIl out of the Car ear Windows Uncle Tom is now a He Ho can nt put it across any more mort except un under under der a Tent T nt Very Ver few fe people want him even n at with a ladys bicycle for the holder of th the Lucky Luk Ticket 1 Eliza has ceased to have a drag lra o even evenin in the Her only chance I with Ith the Fly Public of today would be beto b to change her Act eo so as to chase the Bloodhounds across lq and i sand Et nd in the spit ligh fv earing a ri red plush Gown and sing Bill Simmons rr cr 1 I Iye Ive e Got to Dance TIll the Band Dand C Through At the time timo when Undo Uncle Tom came cf C the Press It made an awful Hit flit Even Een the Six Fix Best Sellers Seller that are arenow arenow arenow now being Inflated and sent up for the Holiday Trade will wUl never be seven een l alongside alm of ot the good old timer Fully FuU ninetynine per cent of those who ho sat Bat us ur nights to read about the tle persecuted Colored People never had seen cen a when he shot by on the Underground doing a 0 atai tail tai Hike for tor Ontario As nearly as they could gather from the Book however r the Slave was a oJ pious elderly Gentleman who wore white cotton Gloves and talked about the Angels Tn Tin Caucasian n on theother er hand was either an easygoing Mark who manage his own affair affairs or else a Reptile with a dyed Goatee who drank Aqua Fortis out of a Jug JuS and carried a blacksnake Whip And An so from Crom Haverhill Mass away out to Stillwater Minn it was the fashion to feel f 1 sorry for everybody south o of Mason Iaron and Dixons line ex except except those who happened to be White WhiteOut Out Oat O t of or this thia tender sentiment grew the desire to give the African a Vote Voto with witha a String to it ft Since that period the sweet and gen gentle gentle gentle tle Character Chara ter known as Old Black Joe lias ms been shot through the th dump and Bill Bailey is now the Works or s Several millions of thoughtful thought ul Citi ClU Citizens Citizens zens ens residing above the Ohio River havo 1130 ceased to shed bitter and scalding tears over the wrongs of tho tiro simple African This Is explained by b the fact that when they meet him now he ia la I wearing a n Blue Uniform with Soldier I Buttons anti and often onen refuses r uses to warm up unless f g pI lf f fIt is r I It U pump Tip rip Sympathy for n a lowly Race when every everyone ever everone everyone one knows that Williams and Walker Valker havo have entered exclusive Drawing Rooms in London where never the foot of or Chi Chicago Chicago cago eago Millionaire has trod A half century ago It required no ef effort effort effort fort to generate an un overwhelming pity for the Plantation Hand because ho he was 1000 miles away toiling in the Cot Cotton Cotton ton tOil and a d the tho Cane as long Join as a anybody watched himlie him himlIe lIe He never had known the tho sacred red pt privilege iv ile a of ot cutting out puzzles from the Sunday Paper His simple Joys con consisted consisted of picking Magnolias playing the Banjo und and occasionally closing dOBing In on n Ii Possum surrounded by h Yams Yarns but al always always always ways at a separate table ui Consequently it was believed that something ought to be done for him He was encouraged to come North Ife Ike did so 80 pausing paus n at the deadline to trade his Gingham Jumpers for a fawn Overcoat with pearl buttons and pink satin facing And now that no Residence Street is too good for him and he has learned to smoke Egyptian Cigarettes any antiquated storybook that depicts him as being walked upon Is la a Scream especially to one who has employed genuine Southern Help Mr Washington is 19 lecturing at the Universities while his colleague Mr Cans Gans ia is working in his own own modest way to earn the respect of ot the Anglo Saxon Only a few fan e years ago the emancipated emancipated pat d Slave blinking in the tho sunlight of a suddenly arrived Freedom came cameto cameto to the White Man Ian with a Ballot in his trembling hand asked what he had better do with it And the kind White Man taking pity upon his hla childlike ignorance told him that If he ho wanted to live Ie until Water Watermelons Watermelons Watermelons melons were ripe he had better take it out hack back J 4 e Smoke poka House and bury It How different today It Is s the White Man who Is seeking advice and guidance guid guidance guidance has d to ance He lie hunt up a with a Blue Sweater who can give Ive him a Good Thing in the Second Race at Jamaica jamalca I And so all nil along the Line It seem quite regular re Ular to reach ach out the Helping Hand to one ono who can afford Musk Perfumery Cut out the Weeps for behold the tho dusky Jusky Toller Toiler has Just juste staked himself l to a Red Vest and a diamond HorseShoe Uncle Tom la Is a It hot story but brit it tt hag nas has nothing to do with what is being pulled off of at present pre ent It needs going point over Horn Here is the certified Dope Dopa on Mr II Thomas Thoma If It he could be with us today He Ile is born in Yazoo City Cit where they thc spell w with ith a double gand g gand J Jand and only one kind of people are arc mit ted led to lo use the sidewalks While he Is still a prattling Picka ninny with protuberant Heels and a ahead ahead ahead head shaped like me a Duck Egg E g the great eat Boon of Freedom is unloaded unleaded upon hi hl his Parents Parent who take a three years vaca vacation vacation aca tion to celebrate the day of Jubilee Under the new Amendments to the th Constitution the Family is p to rent a Stack Shack instead of having it fur hed to them while the tho Crop instead of f being b turned oer over to Cruel Master goes to the Storekeeper from the tl e North orth Our Hero by b the th time he has arrived of the age of 21 has succeeded through ugh industry In and a d frugality in accumulating big ing Iwo Dogs One day he ha gets hold of ot ofa otI Newspaper a I from the North and learns that he lie has a right to vote So Solie he lie goes down to the Polling Place After Arter the Doctors get bet through bing hing for the Lead and he is rested up he decides that he could do well in a ac cooler c Climate He starts and for fear that all the good Climate will be bo gone before he lie gets there he runs most of the way At last he lIe emerges from the Jim Crow belt and while pausing at In Indianapolis Indianapolis to vote ote at a Local Election he lw becomes enamored of the Surroundings Surround Surroundings SurroundIngs ings So he decides to tarry and carve out a Career for himself It seems that the barriers have been lifted from almost every Avenue of Usefulness He is breathing the Free Air and can go So as far as he likes liI es If ha he wishes to engage in Business for himself or enter a Learned Profession he ho has a perfect Right night to do so All he tie has to do in order to become a Business Man is to get gee together a large amount of Capital To make him himself himself himself self a successful Lawyer r he lIe merely has hasto hasto hasto to spend ten years ears in the Common Schools four years at a University Un two years ears at a Law College and then change his Color Down South he had been a NI ger He Hc finds that in the Promised Land Landd most people refer to him him very verv ver respect respectfully respectfully fully fuU as a Coon After After devoting a great deal of ofT Thought T to his Future he succeeds in borrowing a Razor and gets a job in n Barber Shop Sho At last he finds himself in an Atmosphere of Culture and be begins begins l gins to be uplifted He has as access to COT ON f 1 p 4 t S v IWI 4 t tY Y I T a y rl r li rr li 1 a ad d e W vi viS S r rG sc And Carried a Blacksnake Whip Periodicals that are full of colored Pictures Pic Pictures PIctures tures and he has the privilege of dis discussing discussing cussing the Issues of the Day with Mo Motormen Motormen Io and others who have Views As soon as he has saved enough to toay pay ay for the License he is married marri d to a good Cook and takes tates possession of a Yellow House with Blue Shutters Shutter In n due time he is 15 admitted to the Union and under the Rules is permit permitted ted to charge five cents extra for Bay Ba BaRum Rum or Shaving the Neck After a few fe years ears he gets out of the Barber Business and opens a Tonsorial Parlor on his own Hook He becomes prominently identified with the Colored Voters Protective League the purpose being to secure i Voluntary Subscriptions from all Campaign Cam Campaign Committees Then comes comes the big Triumph HP He ii is presented with a his fellow member of del der known as taint rot Ethiopia T Also ho he h is named as one of or o the thO Lire fl Presidents of the Mass Meeting Ie ting ra ca ed to ratify the National Ticket White Celebrities come t ai it 1 ask a k him to step Into tho so sn they thc can an whisper to tc him They gi gl gie a e him Cigars with gold Bands on them and when mien he lie sets gets ets ready to vot vote some somebody body bod sends A Hack for him The original Uncle Tom was a shipped down the River and certainly had a rat of Trouble up to the time that L V began b gan his fiendish tf Phi revised Uncle T in n not rious trouble except n n to its pull at the City Hall His Children are not torn away from frOll fro n nhim him They remain right ri ht at home and board with him up to the time that they are arc years of or age The Son Wilberforce gets a fine Edu Education Education Education cation and opens a Correspondence School S guaranteed to teach Buck art and l ling Wing ing Dancing in twelve Lessons by flail Muil The Daughter Blanche discovers that she is a Creole and b com Donna in an n Opera Gh keit Hash Uncle Tom himself gets Jets so far to th the good that he can change White Vest Vests twice a week It is not as thrilling as the yarn wew read in Childhoods Happy Days but itis It ItIs I Is a correct on the thereal real eal Und Uncle Tom that we have with us today and it will have to go at that Copyright 1906 By B George Ade A el 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