Show I 4 and the B O HENRY L 1 1 A I In at the engine r room nor northe of I I the Ing company Ltd for the engin eer was s l and there was was a goI I Ien en b time he shut steam and washed up that I coveted I 1 found resting Uh his pipe ift Ht and blu bIu a fall afternoon I said but bIds to be colder Did I ever eer tell you began begaii Kirsky honorably about the time Henry and me took a phonograph to south America and I felt ashamed of my mr sUbterfuge and dropped Into the wooden chair he kIcked toward me Henry was quarter quarterback quarterback back Cheroke edu educated t east In the idioms of football and west est in contra brand whisky and a gentleman same as you or orme me He was easy and romp Ing In his ways n a man abolt With a kInd of movement Henry and me met Jnet at Texarkana an and figur figured d out thIs scheme He had which came tv him out or of a land allotment in the thc reservation I had run down from rom Lit Little Littie tie tle Rock on account or of a distressful scene I had wItnessed on the street there A man stood on a box and paSsed around some gold watches screw case stem winders r Elgin move meat very elegant Twenty bucks they cost you over the counter At 3 t tile e crowd fought for the tickers The Theman Theman man happened to find a valise vaUse fun full or of them haud handy he passed them out like putting hot on n a plate The backs were hard to unscrew but the cr wd put its ear to the case and they ticked mollifying and agreeable of those watches were genuine tickers but the rest they were only kickers Hey Wh Why empty cases wIth ohe or of them horny black bugs that fly JUnd electric in em Them bugs kick off utes and seconds In Industrious and beautiful The man I Iwas Iwas was speaking of cleaned up and anda a went awa away because he knew that when it came to wind watches In Little Rock an entomologist would tie lie needed and he one So as I 1 sa sag Henry had and I had The phonograph Idea was Henrys but I took to it freely freel beIng fond of machinery of an all kinds I We bought a fine phonograph in ot of the best I Ia a half or of records We packed up and took the T and P for New Or Orleans I leans From that celebrated little cen ter of molasses and disfranchised coon I songs we took n a steamer for foryes es I 1 think it was South America or r Mexico i I 1 am t full U ot of to divulge the location of itUs on the rural delivery route Joute Us colored yellow on the map and branded with the literature o of cI cIgar cigar gar boxes Ye We landed on a smiling coast at a town they den ed bythe name as near as I can recollect t o of kangaroo a palatable enough place to look at The houses were clean and white sticking about among I the scenery lIke hard boiled eggs served with lettuce There was a block of skyscraper mountains In the suburbs and pretty quiet like the I were lying one finger on their Ups lips and watching the town And the sea was remarking on the beach and now and then a rIpe co cocoanut anut wo would ld raIl fall In the sand and that aU all there was doing The captain went want ashore with us usand md and to conduct what he seemed to like to call caB the obsequies He in introduced HenrJ and men to the United State consul and a roan man the head ot of the department or of mercenary and licentious disposition the way it read UP l his hb sign alga signI I 1 to touch ch here again a week from toda today says the captain U By that time we told hIm wen well be amassing wealth in the interior towns with our galvanized prima donna and correct imitations ot of Sousas band excavating a march from a tin mine Yell not says the captain Yell YelI be hypnotized An Any gentleman In the audience who kindly steps upon the stage and looks this country in the theeo eye eo will he be converted to the heR hes hut but a Iy In the Elgin cream cr cry YeII be standing knee deep in Inthe f the surf waitIng for mf me and your ma machine machine chine for tor making Hamburger steak out ut or of the hitherto respected art of music will vilI be playing Theres no place like home Heni skinned a twenty off his role and received from the bureau of mercenary a paper bear bearIn In lug a red seal and a dialect story and no change Then we got giot the he consul full of re red redwine wine and struck hill for a horoscope He was as a thin youngish kind or of a ann anina nina nn I would sa say past fifty sort ot of In his affections and puffed up with d Yes h he was a flattened kind of a man in whom drInk lay stagnant inclined to cor corpulence corpulence and misery Yes Yee I 1 think he was a kind ot of Dutchman being very ery sad and genial In his ways The marvellous n he says entitled the phonograph has n never her before Invaded these shores The Peo People pie have never heard It heart hearte e ea children of nature progress has neer condemned them to accept the work or of a can opener ns as an overture and ragtime might incite them to a bloody blood revolution But you can t the try the he experiment The best chance you OU Have is 8 that the populace may not wake up when you play Theres two tio Ways way says consul they ma may take It They ma may b become ome inebriated with attention like an Atlanta colonel list listening listening ening to Marching arching Through Georgia or they will wOl get excited and transpose the key ot of the music with an ax and you a dungeon In the lat latter latter ter says ooS the consul Ill do my dut DY by cabling to the state depart I mem heift and Ill wrap the stars and trI trIes around you ou when you come to tobe tobe be soot shot and threaten them with th the of the greatest gold export and financial reserve nation on earth The flag Is full tull or of bullet holes now says FaS the consul made In that way Twice before beCore says the consul I 1 have cabled our government for a couple of gunboats to protect American citizens The the department sent me mea a 8 pair of gum boots The other time was when a man named Pease was go going lag ing to be ex exe here They referred that appeal secretary Of agriculture ture tur Let us now disturb the senor behind the bar for a subsequence of the red wIne Thus soliloquized the consul or of Sore Sor to me and enry Horse collar F But notwithstanding we hIred a room that afternoon in the Calle de los Angeles the main street that runs nIon the shore and put our trunks there a good sized room dark and nd cheerful but small on a various street diversified by houses and conservatory plants The peas peasantry antry or of the city passed to and fro on tH fine b the side sidewalks walks alks for the world like an opera chorus when the Royal lum i about to enter Vo were rubbing the dust of off Ithe machine and getting fixed to start bud busi flees the next day when a big fine looking white man In white clothes stopped at the door and look L I We e tended extended Ut the and and u up He was chew chewIng Ing Inga n song ong cigar and wrInkling hIs hIseY eY eyes 9 meditative tive lIke a SkI trying to tod d deIde which dress to ear to the York he lays to me finally w I C OrIginally and from time to time I sa nags s it rubbed off yet yetT simple says he when you know Its the lit of the vest They dont cut vests right anywhere else Coats maybe but fot flot vests The Thc white man looks at Henry Henri and hesitates I Injun says Henry HenrJ tame Injun MellInger e eP P Boys youre J Youre Youfe babes In the wood without chaperon or referee aud its ut to start 3 you ou qu th I props and launch you proper in u th pellucid waters of have to be christ nea trier iid if come with me Ill break a hot bot bottle hottle tle of wine across your bows according to Hoyle Well VeU for two days ays Homer P Mel MellInger Mellinger lInger did the h honors That man cut ice in He was It ItHe itHe He was the Royal It If me uti and Henry was waa babes In the wood he was a Robin Redbreast from rom the top topmost topmost most bough HIm and me nd Henry Henr locked arms and toted that phonograph around and had wassail a sail and diversion There was vine Inc Unto tinto and blanco to drink with every tune The Tle aborigines had acquirements of n a pleasant thing in the Way or of drinks that gums itself to the recollection recollection tion They Chey chop of off the end of a green cocoanut ocO tut and pour in on the liquor or of it French brand brandy and gin We Ve had them and other things Mine and HenryS money was counterfeit Everything was on Homer P Mellinger That man could find rolls roUs of bills blUs in his clothes where Herrmann the Wizard have conjured out an He could have founded universities and had enough left lert to buy bu buthe the colored vote voe of hi his country Henry and me wondered what his hig graIt was as One evening he h us Boys said he Ive deceived you Instead of n a painted butterfly rm Im the hardest work d man In this country Ten years rears ago I landed on It Its shores and two years ago on the point of its jaw Yes I reckon I 1 can get the de decision over this ginger cake common commonwealth commonwealth wealth atthe end or of any round I choose Ill confide in you because you Jou are my countrymen and guests even It if you have committed an pon m my adopted shores with the worst s ss S Stern tern of noises set to musIc My Iy job is private secretary to the presIdent of this republic and my duties are running it Im not head headlined headlined lined in the bills but Im the mustard In the salad dressing There a 3 law goes before congress there a concession granted there an im Import port duty levied H p Mel Mellinger Iel linger he cooks and seasons it In the front office I 1 flU fill the pre Ink Inkstand Inkstand stand and search visiting en for dynamite in the back room I die dic dictate tate the policy of the government never guess how I got the pull its the only graft of its ip In the Ule world Ill put you wise You remember ber bel the in the old copy b os Honesty is the best beat policy polley it Im the only honest man ill in this republic The government knows It the people know It the know it the foreign investors know it I make the government keep Its faith If a man is promised a jOb he gets it 11 If capital buys a concession they get the goods I run a monopoly of square re dealing here Ther Theres s no competition If Colonel Diogenes were to flash his lantern In thIs precinct hed have my address inside of two minutes There big money In it but Its a sure thing and an lets a man sleep of nights Thus Homer P Mellinger made oration to me antl Henry in And later he divested himself of this remark Boys Im to hold a soiree this evening with a gang f citi citizens and I want your assistance tance You bring the musical corn shellee and give the affair the outside appearance of a function Theres important business s on hand but it show I can talk to you people Ive boon beon pained for years on account of not having any anybody bod body to blow ofT off and brag to 10 I get homesick sometimes and Id swap the entire perquisites of office for Just one hour to have hae a steIn a acid d an sandwIch somewhere on street and stand and watch tIle the street streetcars cars go by and smell the peanut roaster at old fruit stand Yes said I there fine re at Billy cafe corner or of Thirty fourth and God knows It interrupts Mellin Mellinger Mellinger ger and I It told me you ou knew Billy Renfro reI I d tons of ways ot or making you ou happy Billy was my mJ side kicker in ew York That Thatis is a man who neV r knew what crooked WM iva Here I 1 am working Hon Honesty esty for fol a graft but that man loses money on It I get sick at times of this country rotten the executive down to the coffee pIckers plotting to down each other and skin their friends It If a mule drIver takes off orr his hat to toan toan an official that man figures it out that hes a popular idol and sets his pegs to st stir up a revolution and Upset the Its one or of my little chor s a as private se to smell the tho ki kibosh kibosh bosh before they breakout and scratch th or tt the goy why Im down here no now in this mildewed coast town The governor of the district and his crew are plotting to Ive got every their names and Invited to t listen to the phonograph tonight compliments of II H P M the way Ill get them In a bunch and things are on the to happen t thorn them Ye We three were sitting at table in inthe Inthe the cantina of the Purified Saints poured put wine and was looking some wor ed I 1 was thinking a sh sharp rp crowd he says of fretful capitalized iy y a foreign syndicate after rubber and loaded to tile the muzzle for brIbing Im sick goes on Mellinger r oct CI comIc opera I 1 want to smell East river rier and wear suspenders again At times I feel fecI like throwIng up my job hut but Im ln fool enough to be sort of p oud or of it Theres Mellinger they theys s say here Per Por Dios you cant touch lim with a millIon Id like to take that record back and sho how It to Billy some rPy by and that tightens my grip whenever I see ee a 1 fat thIng that I could just by winking one eye and losing my graft By they cant ant monkey with me They know It t money I get I make honest and spend It ft Some day Ill make it a pile aid go back and eat Tonight Ill show you how to handle a punch hunch of Ill show them hat private secretary taT when you spell spen it with the cot cotton ton tm and tissue paper 9 off Mellinger appears ks 11 glass against the neck of the hot bot bottle Ue tle I says to myself White man Ir if rm Im nt apt mistaken theres been a bait sId dut ut where the taU tail of your eye could ouId see It That night according to arrange monts me and Henry phonograph hono graph to n a room in n a dobe house In InU Ina U a dirty side str street ct where the grass graM was knee e high a long room lit with smoky oil lamps There Ther was plenty of f a table it at the back end By and by the to the same sarno sliding in by p pairs and tine threes s and Spade hushes heg lor v tas as of a running from a three days day smoked meerschaum tb t a patent leather polish They Were as L i n 1 1 Y 1 r f 2 f i ir r C i t tC J Jt Jc I Iz 4 L LI LI I j I 2 I I t c r I j Wl polite as wax being devastated devastated with I enjoyments to give h Mellinger the good lOod evenings I i understood their I ra run n a pumping engine two years in a Mexican silver nine I md nd lad it I never let on Maybe fifty of em had come and was seated when in slid sUa the king Icing bee the governor of the net him at the door and escorted him to the grandstand When Then I 1 saw that I man I knew t that Mellinger priVate ate Vate secretary had all the dances s on his big card taken mat r was a big squashy man the color of a rubber and he had ill an eye like Jike a lead waiters Mellinger explained fluent t In the idioms that his soul was disconcerted with jO joy at introducing to tolt hs lt respected friend Americas greatest invention the wonder of the ase ae Hen Heu Heury ry iv got the cue and run on nn an elegant r record cord and the festivities I Initiated The governor man lad a 3 bit of English his hat add ald hen the music was choked off orr he heEL EL s c t fine thE American mel the so ro ts en moosic as lb to I The tuNe was a long fn and HenrY and nd me sat at th end ef r it next the The gon governor silt set itt Art th other end ends Homer P lI Mellinger stood at the side of it I just wondering ho how was going to handle lila his crowd when th the home t talent lent suddenly opened the serl y That governor governo man was suitable for Cor uprisings and I 1 jud judge e he be was arcady man who took his own OU I tIme Do the he American senors understand he asks In his native ac acCE acCE I CE n ts They do not says Mellinger Then lIsten goes on man 1 The are ot of sufficient prettiness but Let us i creak of r Vell Im know w why we are arc here he e si e I InV my corn You h hd a yesterday Mellinger Ii your lr proposals To we ve will speak out Ve IVe know that u stand in the presidents favor and no e know your our e The g govern vem rent |