Show Talk H T a 7 About i Campaign a pai X Of r Heres Instances Where Commercial Travelers look Took the Stump and arid More Mor Than Made Good St Louis As the train paused for a moment at g little t c town In Iowa the th passengers f t caught bought glimpses of banners flying heard beard snatches of a tune tunc toj 1 V the Consolidated Silver Cornet band and a big poster on a building close by bythe the station gave thorn the information I In tall taU carmine c letters that a grand rally aUy going on and that the of the town and tho the surround Ing inS country would on that evening at tt atthe the opera house have the rare logo of hearing that peerless orator Hon Iton Ichabod Ich bod Smith of Catawissa o speak on the issues of the day Come one como come all aU Its a great thing to be bo a campaign orator ora tor said the redheaded man in the corner orner with Aith a sigh of or envy as lie he light lighted ed ea a fre fresh li cigar to bo be mot at the train with a brass band and the tho leading citizens in their lr Sunday clothes to be le leb welcomed by b the prettiest girls in town and to sit In a n carriage at the head of i the procession and receive the salvos lot I or of the populace like Uke a 0 returning hero to be b Introduced by the chairman of the I county committee as that fearless pa patriot 1 a triot and distinguished statesman and then Ithon to burning words that fill fiU tho voters with wild enthusiasm and make them feel clear to the tho marrow of or their th Ir bonus bohos that now is the time for f all good men to come to tho the aid of the I party arty J IM Id r try it on myself if it tor If 01 a n few deficiencies in my mental equipment That sounds very nice said the theman theman man Than with the tho bulbous brow who con f that he ho came from Lincoln but butI I 1 Want to tell you ou my friend that the i ilot lot ot of the campaign orator all strawberries and cream not by a I considerable and Just between ourselves I want to tell totI you theres a u ui i good doal deal more satisfaction and just justas justas justaS as much fun in wheat when the thermometers at 95 in the shade Perhaps you could make that a little plainer by b an illustration suggested tho the redheaded man manI uI I could give you Illustrations till un go to sloop sleep said the man from Lincoln uI I put in one season as a spellbinder gave up a good law tio and went out to seek undying glory on ort the tho stump at the expense of the na nal committee In less than two we weeks I decided that I had all aU the glory that was comin to me but Iwas too I afraid of ot tho the joshin josh In Id get from the boys up at Lincoln to quit then so 50 I 1 stuck it out until the tho committee called I J m me In inThe I Tho The man at headquarters had mapped out a route for me with speak ing dates datos on It from A to Izzard and I Iva Ivas va vas as expected to open my mouth at the first switch and keep it working until 1 ir came out at the he other end I started L with fth my ches h much greater r than it tt had imd ever ver been before or has bas over ever ver been since I was Hon J Waller Valler Jones tones of or Nebraska and everybody the line was expected to kowtow before borore me And they did at the first place 1 I struck There ever everything thing was all my m fancy had pictured and more morer t r was IT in capital letters But from that high pinnacle I fell cloth clear to the bottom of the hill The next place e on the schedule was wasi wasa cL a i town pf about b ut 1000 1400 inhabitants I got there thoro 4 ocl ln the of after ter Voon oon It was pouring down rain There Thereas vas naB as no brass band and no reception committee nobody at all aU but the sta tion agent who politely informed me men Jn n answer to my question that if Hon 3 tr Waller Vatter Jones was going to speak in that town that night he ho heard of DC It ft and hed like to Know who In the HoW Hon HO J Waller Vall r Jones ones was any j how liow t I tell teU him I found f und a hotel land nd made further fUrth r inquiries Everybody seemed Q med to bo be as ignorant as the station The chairman of ol the tho th count county I committee they the told me lived a mile out put of ol town towns I got a orse and rode out put to iris his hl holise hO t l Still raining I found him liim in bed with a spell of o rheumatism L 4 i h not ampo dT poU to bow b tv down own to great greut greatness ness In tiny any In form He had received In Instructions from the committee he said but had been b en feeling fe so SI bad hed hod plum forgotten n oil ell about it ft I rode back to town much depressed It was useless to think about getting g an audience to together ther on such a night so I passed Up p that th t to toUl tort h and took tool a train for the tho nex next pUce place on OT my lUY schedule This wae a hardly more than across a cross croas loads oad station but It was nevertheless a the party parly I was an in find and I had been warned that It con tamed tabt ta lied d some sOmo pretty prett rough citizens who might t endeavor endea 01 to make it interesting for mo me They The did My coming had hac been well advertised and there was a crowd tf wd at the little depot to meet me but lint my welcome was not a warm one The reception rec committee looked look OOk d half hal scared tb to death creath and they received me mi In an ail apologetic apol sort sO of at way that didn choir h r flue 1110 hl very E much The crowd didn flitter r me either olther They just looked a amo at atma mo mJ and grInned The committee took acme the road roid to a n hotel and there In a private room roam confided to me mo that tha there thI wits was w s blood on the moon Open throats had hila been made to break tip up th the theIn mooting In fUn and und do tit me bodily harm h rm the they said ana and while they y wore Were ready to tc stand by b me melt if Ie I Insisted on speaking th strongly tr advised me mo to cancel th the dat date By y that time I 1 was beginning b to get gp In my dander up Und find I told them I rd Id aptak there that night if it I had to do dp from front the top of a I telegraph polo pole If 1 they d see that Lila han hall was lighted I J said Id reI care of ot the tho rand and they the comin 01 In en the th platform with me mc They The went way away a promising to make all the arrange manta and und I slipped sUpped out tp a hardware store where I laid ala in a fow low supplies and then wont went back to the th hotel t to tov Wait valt v It was a n long wait walt I wasn scared I 1 was too mad just then fo for that But I T was uneasy as to the out outcome outcOme outcome come come and I wanted to have haye it over ove with whir If J I let Jet theca theMo follows fellows fo lows frighten me InC tn away I would never hoar hear the th last las Df Dr It ft and my career would oud be ended I thought The haIl hall was filled with a noisy nois boisterous crowd when hen I T entered I walked slowly and with all the dignity t I could command down the middle aisle al aI le and stepped on the platform as m I gd galled sod on every ever side with Wit h hoots and k tn catcalls and threats When I turned td to face the audience I was surprised ed edl to l find the chairman chairman of the committee had plucked up courage and followed hie As best he could In the din he ho in introduced tr me and then having done hIs full duty as he saw it he retired caving me to fight it out by myself Ill Ill admit gentlemen that my heart beating faster as er and harder than it sloes f es when tm jm in the tH bossom of vf my myr family amity r In I fact ac I was w wasat at that moment t t pretty badly badTy soared But 1 X 11 ha lair t gut Dut t my program m a stir d had made up by b mind that I was going to carry arly it out no ho matter what my legs wanted to do doSo doEa A So Ea o with apparent calmness I removed 1 I 1 t a and tes 1 1 nd 1 ung L 8 chair This aroused the tho curiosity of ot the crowd c and it Jt became be ame quiet tit tt once ono The Then I drew a big revolver from each of hip pockets laid one on the table before me mo and held the other otner in my m h right hand bands Fellow citizens I said paid P me met td t 1 call your Jour attention att attention for r a moment moment to the clod clock on the walla at the rear fear r ar of the Ule hall haUl Everybody turned to look at the clock and as they did so I fired hitting the timepiece In the center of f its face and knocking oft off both hands I was ivas a n crack shot in those days U Now my citizens ns us I said as they t turned to face me every mouth in wonder Now fellow citizens I came hero here to make a speech This Is Isa Isa isa a free country and I propose to do what I came for I have been Informed that an effort world wo ld be made to pre pro prevent vent ent me from speaking I give fair warning I said that if any man roan in interrupts Interrupts interrupts me or attempts to make an unfriendly demonstration I will shoot and you have seeh s eh that I t ctrl can c rt shoot straight Gentlemen h It was a cold bluff but it worked I never had a more atten attentive attentive tive audience In my life and nd when I finished they gave me a cheer that I felt sure was genuine The leader of the opposition came up and shook hands with me my committee goner gener generously agreed to pay for the clock and the whole town accompanied companied a me to the train but it was an experience exp I care to repeat and it is only one of many many disagreeable experiences that caused me to get off the stump as soon as a decently could I work for formy formy formy my party as hard bard but I b stick sUck to my myown myown myown own county III I never made a speech ch but once in my life Ufe put in a commercial traveler from Chicago but I got some of or the campaign orators strawberries and anc cream that day and I rather enjoyed the experience It was during the thc campaign of at 96 90 when as you remember remember remember ber everything was and poli poU politics politics tics was the main business df of f three foUrths of the Inhabitants I was suns Working a new territory t and got off of the train one day at a town in Indiana to find myself in the midst of a great crowd of excited people They were cheering and hurrahing to beat the band they the really did beat the thc band for it was there thero and valiantly struggling struggling struggling gling to make malte itself heard I was looking around for an exit when a number of fellows stepped up to me and one on asked if I was the Hon William V lam Watkins I admitted that was my name though I privately had some sarno doUbt about the handle they the gave gac it The spokesman Introduced himself and then th n intro introduced Introduced introduced the other silk hats fiats and then everybody Hurrah lor f Or r Bill Bil Watkins T I was not accustomed to receptions of that sort and you can imagine that I was a little embar embarrassed embarrassed embarrassed But I says to myself m self that Id Ic see what it was all about anyhow end and nd if there was any to do the silk hats could couta do it So while tho the band played Hot Time in the Old OldTown OldTown OldTown Town the time silk hats trotted me ma out to toa toa toa a carriage and away we sailed up the main street t which was vas all decorated decorate with flags and bunting On the way I saw some big posters and on em was my name in letters lettera ong long as my m arm but I read the rest of it we wo were moving so fast They stopped at a hotel and took me mo up to the th best bes room in the house and then I concluded ed it no joke j ke and Id better find out what was comin to me Now I says were all to ourselves tell me the game The silk hats looked at each other end and then they all aU said at once YOU you William m Watkins You Yon 1 bet I am I says gays and andI I sell more pickles pick es than any runty pony man that travels ravels out of Chicago Chicag but I want to know khow gentlemen what Im up against I can see a n joke as far ar as anybody even ey n when its on me but I want to be beon beon beon on the inside Well sir they the looked l at each other again and then at me Ine and then they swallowed sW three or four times before the head man got his voice Theres a terrible mistake here her he finally said the Watkins we want is a member of congress c from New York and a famous orator He was goin to speak at the opera pera O house tonight and everybody in inthe inthe the tho county is in town to hear him Now N w were In inn a pretty fix Were sup aup PCs d td t ki j Mm you see seA s t z yet every everybody everybody body sw saw us receive you an if this gets out well be the laughin lau hin stock of the town toyn Well Welt gentlemen I says the matter with me gain goin ahead and makin the speech 1 That tickled the silk sUk hats to death Can you do it 1 they asks all aU at once I 1 was the prize orator at college I says which was a abig abIg abig big way Worn from the th truth an n if Hon Watkins show sh W up Ill IU give you a awhirl awhirl awhirl whirl Just dust far f r the fun of the thing But ButI I want to know kitow first whether Im Re Republican Republican Republican publican or Democrat Well Vell not to make my story too long longI I played the part the best I X could and gave the th big audience a speech such stIch as was probably never heard before from froma a platform It was my first but I been tellin stories to cus customers twenty years for nothing and I Imade Imade Imade made a hit if it I do say Bay It myself I have my doubts though about it having much effect on the returns When I got through and came down from my m perch a lot tot of people came up to con congratulate me including the silk hats and while I was standing there shak shaking shakIng ing hands with everybody and feeling pretty big a stra p n fel fellow fellow fellow low came up and put his paws on m my shoulders and says Old man that was a daisy and I want to thank you for I needed the rest II Thanks for the th compliment mj my m t friend I says but who wh the devil are you l Why he says sa s Im the other Wil William WilHam William liam Ham i Watkins Lets go out and have a drink |