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Show HUMOR. A dog houso ia now msule with a bay window. The organ grinder's lile in tilled with the aiOft turn realities. With Grant it was Don Cameron; with Huycd it ia dofl Camerou. JB leaned be the man who eiltetb down on a red hot atove, for ho ) all rise again. Lynn hasau exhibition of a woman moulded from buttor by a local artist. , It ia said to be Grisi. They have a "spirit drum" in Now York. It ia probably operated by the gliusta of deitd heAls. A New York policeman shot at a mad dog and hit a man in the neck. Then the man was mad. A lato book is entitled "Half ilours with liiBccta." What a lively halt hour ono can have with a beo. An opera has been written on the subject .of "Dar.'I Druco Blacksmith," anvil probably become popular. ProfoMaor Martfb of Yule ia receiving receiv-ing plenty of pipes Irom Indian cliiefa. Tuat'd a nice way to back o' friond. This is the way old jokes may be revamped: Sloep under a blue coun terpane, and you'll ne'er er.-counter s pain. ( There is a man in Tennessee with- ! uuch big feet, that if lie guts thein wet 1 in December, lie doesn't liave a cold ' in his head until February. ' If a man on a polar expedition should kill another, what would be the heinoueness of his crime? ikr- i der in tho eighty-third degree. i The farmer who imagines that old ' rope, leaves and shirt buttons add to 1 tho flavor of hia ranjilo sugar id walking walk-ing in the broa.i way which ltadeth ( down. At a Chicago banquet. Delicate toast The martyrs. Brutal response They were toasted once wo will toa3t them again. Consternation in the clique. He stammeriugly: "I really beg pardon; had no idea it was so late; my watch must have stopped. " Stern parent: "Undoubtedly. I advise you to have it repaired immediately." SONG OF THE SC1IUR2. Givo mo a man of nerve and pluck, Who hits, and, hitting, hurts; I'd rathor bu ono ounce of Blaine Than forty pounds of Schurz. Au Irish gentleman, hearing of a friend having a stone cofl'm made for himself, exclaimed: "By me bow), an' that's a good idee! Shure, an' a stone cottin 'ud last a man his lifetime." "Maria," said the pious himband, "them wicked Smiths aro allowing their children to play in tho yard ou Sundays. To-morrow I'll set the dog on their chickens. The judgment ot heaven must be visited on 'cm in some way." Ho was a well moaning man, but they had been married a long while, and when he playfully asked her what was next to nothing, she sarcastically sarcas-tically answered that, at this seabon of the year, she thought his winter flannels were. An inebriated Irishman, on being kindly questioned in a very narrow lano across which he was reeling, as to the length of the road he had traveled, replied: "Faith! it's not so much the length of it as the breadth of it that tired mo." "Do you havo mice here?" inquired in-quired a visitor in the office of the St-Louis St-Louis Globe-Democrat, as ho gazed at a huge pile of exchanges, and listened to a rustle that came up out of the depths. "Ob, no," was tho reply; "that's our paragrapher." Last Sabbath morning an eloquent Burlington minister was earnestly discoursing about Peter nml I'.xul nuJ ooiu mey were a "good pair." "Good baud," sleepily murmured a half-awaked sport in tWe back pew, "take the pot; nothing here but ace high." Mr. Fcrtruson has been absent about two years and returned to find a very protty baby in tho house, eoune threo months old. He was j naturally puzzled, and said, "Nancy, I how is this?" "Blue glass," Baid j Nancy with a joyful countenance; ' and the stillness that followed her! words was so profound you might have heaid a pin drop. "Are you favorably impressed with this blue glass theory, Mr. Wam-sutta? Wam-sutta? ' a Burlington man asked his neighbor as they met by chance at a place where they give away a real chromo of a grain of coflee with erory purchase. "Oh, no oh, no; ain't particular what kind of a glass," was the reply, "just bo'b you rub a bit of lemon around tho edge first, don't make any difference to me what kind I of a glass." At a Washington lea party, where General Butler was recently a guest, the hostess, glancing over tho table, perceived his cup unfurnished with an important implement, ot which he was supposed to Appreciate the value, "Why, General Butler," she exclaimed, ex-claimed, in a little womanly fluttorol consternation, "Haven't you a spoon?" "No, indeed, madam!" quickly ;-e3poudcd thegor.eral, springing spring-ing from his ett and slapping hi pockets one after the other, "Upon my word, madam; if you don't believe be-lieve mo, madam, you may search me!" |