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Show The Dutchman and Ills Ice Cream. BY L. J. FELLEJIAN. Von day in der summer, mine friend Kiezer vos como of my house ; he vos told me dat he don't haf got some-dings some-dings to do dat day, und he vould like me to go out of a valk mit him. Cio I shoost get me mine coat, und mine ht, und ve go out. Der Tedder tos so hot as ter tuyfel, so I tink ve go und haf soma lager, as I vos very dry. Now, vot I tell you vos drue, der more pier dat I drink der more I vos dry, so I say to mine fiind, Kieier; come ve go out, und ven ve get outot ter place, Kiezer say he make up his mind, und of I haf got some money, ve shall haf some ice cream. Now, vot vos dat ice cream ? I don t know, as 1 don t Hat eat any, und I vos sure of I go mit him dat I vos make me a fool of myself, my-self, but I don't vont Kiezer ter tink as I haf never eat any, so I tink after all I go mit him. So even I say ter him, all right, ve go dcre tergedder, he vos ferry glad, und so ve goes ter get some ice cream. Ven ve haf come to der place vere dey vos sell dere ice oream, ve vent in, und der man vot keep der place, he come up und ask of Keizcr vot he vont, ur,d he say of he dont got some ice cream, und iler man say he haf got some, und Keizer say of he will gif him two plates of der cream, uud der man he bring dem der ice cream, und he put it of der table. Ven I see der ice cream, I tink it vos butter, as it vos look shoost like it. Keiser don t vait of me, but he take3 der spoon und he eats it right avay. I tink of he can eat dat, so I cau too, so I take me some of my mouth, und ven I get it of my mouth, it vos gone right, down an miic.k as dunder. Mine Cot! I tink I vos freeze my outsides in, und I shumped up of der table und I go round der room shoost like a man vot vos go crazy. Der man vot vos keeping keep-ing der place, he come in und ask me vrnt vih dor matter mit me, uud vot for 1 make him some troubles of h:s house, I told him I don't tos make him some troubles, und d.:n lie say vot vos der ni.uter mit me, und I a.,k hi:r. j vot for he makes der ico cre.vn so tarn oold for j he laugh me of in- lace, und say I vos a tarn fool, und I uiut pay him for der cream, und trone out of his place right ayay. Now, vot for I must pay of dor ice cream, ven 1 don't eat hall' of it ? to I teU him I don't eat der ice cream, as it ; vo freeze of my in?ide, but of he make , it hot I vould eat it, und den I vouid I j pav him ; den he pet mad, und say ot I don't vos pay him, he go und got me took up of der station-hou-e. Ven he sav dat, Kiezer he fit frightened, und he told me to run out of der plscf, eo I tink dat I r gc out, ven der man he gft l.uid ot me by mine coat, und he say I don t go out of der place ven 1 don t pay. ?o i ect me mad, und 1 gif him a punch ol der face; Keizer, he vos got a.ra-.a, j und he run avay mit lum.-lt, und leave ( me mit der man. on 1 hit der man ho hit me, und ve hat a tight; l.e , throw me down of der floor, und he make mo my nose pleed ; his viie sv.e vos gone out mit der store un i prmg in a pig policeman, und I vos tock up m .t der watch-house ; I vos put in der c. und locked up all der nigtt m tier lis watch-houe. I don t can f 5 ter s.eep inditrlace, d-re vos so rany tl dem tarn bedbug, s) I u. le.iy .kd ven it vos mormn;. I d t n g.-.t me omeding to cat. un 1 1 v,- ..... . Ull, Tory much burner. I y un .-r: Koliccman vot tos took me iiM-e como to me und he ask me of I bat g"d rce -cue taoney. i he ay oi I T;r.t p Kt out of der prison. L isu-t gi. l-- len dollar, uni oen I couid bc-m? mit my V.or. nnd it v;u:j 1 rifht. Now I dent 1 -ay to der boaocmaa, 1 a :l i f -Bi, tn dollar, end he y. I haf got, und I say I don't haf got some money at all, und he vos mad, und say, ''Come along mit me ; I vos took you mit der shudge, uud he vo5 try you;1' so I go-c out of der watch-house mit him, und he pring me up Bit der shudge. Der man vot keep der ice cream plaoe, he vos dere, and mine friend Kiezer vos dere too; he vos come mit some money from my vife; she don't like as I must go off der prison, und she tells Kiezer he must give der money, und I must go home. Py-and-py the shudge call me of my name, and ven I vos stand up. he cal-ed der man da: ; sell der tarn ice cresm. urd der cir. 1 he sware I ome of hs.-ii pace, uliu , dat I eat Lim hish ice cream up. und I ; vos gone out of der place, and I don't vos pay him. Now. dat vos a he, as 1 don't vos eat der ice cream, und he say ven he ask me of I don't vos pay him. he say I puneh him of his snoot, und I lick him, und ven he haf got done mit dem lies, der shudge he a?k me vot I haf got to say mit myself, uni I told der shudge dat der man vos make a mistake, und of he would let me, I vould tell him all apout it; und he say, ''Goon, und tell vot vos der matter mit you und ter man;" so I tinks I vos make a speech mit him, so I said : "Meester shudge, und shentle-mens shentle-mens of the shury," but ven I vos look me round. I don't can see any shury, cos der shury don't vos dsre, so I begin all over again, und I say, "Meester shudge, I gif you my vord ofbenor dat I don't vos in prison no times pefore, as 1 vos a beaceable man, und i don't like to haf any fight mit no man; I vould like to gone home of my vife, as I don t can find out how I must pay ven I don't eat der man's ice aream. I haf a good character, as I can broove by mine friend Kiezer, who vos here in der room; if you ask him, he vos told you all apout it." Ven I haf say dat, I vot go down, und der shudge he call up Kiezer. Now Kiezer Kie-zer vos got him afraid of der shudge cos he vos mit me, und he tink he vos go to der prison of I go. So even he corned up mit the shudge, he make him swear; der shudge he ask him vot his name vos, und he say his name vos Shon Kiezer; den der shudge vont ter know vot for peesiness he make, und Kiezer vos told him dat he vos a shoemaker, shoe-maker, und dat peesiness vos very dull; der shudge say he don't vont ter know how der peesiness vos, but vont ter know vot he hat ter say mit ter case, und he must tell all vot he knows ; und Kiezer say shoost as I say, und ven he vos done, der shudgo he fini me ten dollars, cos I hit der man of his snoot; den I get me mad, und der shudge sas, of I don't pay der money I, vos go up of der island, und as I don't like as I go of der island, I pay ter ten dollars to der shudge, und I vos gone out of der place, you may pelieve me ven I told you, I don't vos go und get me some of ter tarn ice cream it vos cost me more as it vos vorih. So I goes homo mit my house, und 1 goes right avay to miuo bed, as I don't haf got me any sleep all der night iu der vatch-house. Ven I haf sleep und feel me very much better, I say to mine vife, ''I haf done mit eating dat ice cream, as it vos no goot ;" and Keizer. ven he vos come to see me, he tuld me he don't vos eat any more too, und I say of my vile, I don't get me of der prison no more, und she vos glad und so vos I. Frank IsCtlit's Budget of Fun. Kussell, of Boston, who is now in the Celestial Empire, says that the Chinese wlio return from California are greater believers, i.e., luoio devoted to their native gods than aro those who have never left the country. lie thinks it to be a subject d.-ervins of ep.rfful thcudit in connection v.'.i'1 '.). c'her rdiv- a of the Ci.ine.-e qoeM.on. The nii--ioi.u.v wo-k 01 Clona be1 says (-0 iar as the i'rot. staiit faith i concerned!, is not mooring with the success -nhieh might be desired. There is s0 much in the behavior of Europeans Euro-peans that is at variance with the Gospel Gos-pel that the shrewd Chinaman it more inclined to ridicule than to believe. "Thou shall not kill." says tho linclibh miwouary, and before the thou.ht is fairly digested the Briti-h army is thundering at the gates of some, city, killing men, women, and children, to force them to purchase opium. The New York 77. im thus cl.s Mc-a.M'3. .V Bjinpartts and A ni am lb x : ''Most people, s- em t have mad 3 up their minds that there are not two sides to the European o'i-b-tion. Tie y see only one '. 1 h;y sav that Napoleon is a d-j.ot. We certainly think that bo i not thcmolfl of a "oonMiMitionai" ruW but what act of despo'i-ui ha- tit ever committed commit-ted which Kirg Wi.ham has riot at Irast e.yia'.ei it not fi"-- i i. ir lVi-si.t lVi-si.t ? Sap 'ioori has sn-rTjd-i the hK-rtv ot the p-tss ar, l of t'fe- spt.-h. ha; Km- Wiioam. Napol-ont.a-r--.vf.--nc i without i:i.ii:-e:j Kir" W; ".iain l.a- d the --..e , ii;'i- (, i ' h i- tr-it' 1 L:s !..iv.-i'r- wor-e than !.,- d o'- '3r. has ,l'-jr--J '!:C 1. ; t.f E jropc B -marc-kani Kir.r V,',..:a:ii hav-j o;-- ir1-' i i: fct h i-t yi.ie as c ::c a. ' |
