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Show SELECTED. A Yankee Recipe. Jly gettin' the better of my wife's father is one of the richest things on record. I'll tell yon heow it was. You must know that he is monstrous stingy. The complaint seems to run in the family, and ererybody round our parts used to notice that ho never by any chance asked anybody to dine with him. So one day, jist for a chunk of fun, I said to a friend of mine, Jeddy Dowkbis a dreadful nice fellow is Jeddy "I'll bet you a penn'orth of shoe-strings 'ginst a row of pins, that I get old Ben Jlerkius, that's my wife's father, to ask me to dinner." "Yeou get eout," said Jeddy, "why yeou might as well try to coax a cat into a shower bath, or get moonbeams eout of coweumbers."- "Well," said I, "I'm going to try." And try I did, and I'll tell yeou how I went to work. Jist as old Ben was sittin' ' down to dinner at one o'clock, I rushed up, at a high-pressure pace, red-hot in the face, with my coat-tails in the air, my eyes rollin' about like billiard-balls in convulsions. Kat-tat-tat ding-a-ling-aling. 1 kicked up an awful rumpus, and in a flash out came old Ben himself. him-self. I had struck the right niinit. He had a napkin under bis chin, and carvin-knife in his hand. I smelt the dinner as he opened the door. "O, Mr. Merkins," said l, "I'm tarnation glad tt see you. 1 feaied you moughtn't be at home I'm almost out of breath. I'm come to toll you I can save you a thousand dollars." "A thousand dollars!" roared the old man ; and I dely a weasel to go "pop" quicker than his lace burst into smiles. "A thousand dollars! Yeou don't say so ! Du tell !" "Ob !" said I, "I see you are havin' dinner neow. I'll go un dine myself, and then I'll come hack and tell you all about it." "Nonsense," said he, "dun't go away ; come in and sit down, and enjoy yourself, like a good fellow, and have a snack with me. I am anxious to bear what you have got to say." 1 pretended to decline, sayin' I'd come back ; but I'd thoroughly stirred up the old chap's curiosity, and it ended by his fairly pulliu' me into the bouse, and I made a rattlin' dinner of pork and bean6. I managed for some time to dodge the main point of his inquiry. At last I finished eating, and there was no further fur-ther excuse for delay ; besides, old Ben was gettin' fidgetty. "Come, neow," said he, "no more preface. About that thousand dollars; come, let it out. " "Well, I'll tell yeou what," said I, "yeou have a darter, Misery Ann, to dispose of in marriage, have you not?" "Vha''s that got to do with it?" interrupted he. , "Hold your proud steeds don't ruu off the track a grcat deal to do with it," said I. "Neow answer my question." ques-tion." "Well," said he, 'I have." "And yeou intend, when she marries, mar-ries, to give her 1U,0UU for u portion?" por-tion?" "I do." ho said. "Well, neow, there's the pint I'm couiin' tew. Let me have tier, and I'll take ber with $9, Ql0 ; and S9,U00 from ?10,lH.KJ, accordin' to simple addition, ad-dition, jist leaves $1,000, and that will be clean profit saved as slick as a whistle !" The next thing 1 knew there was a rapid interview going on between old Ben's foot and my coat-tails and I'm inclined to think the latter got the worst of it. |