Show ALL ABOUT ROYALTY Uneasy Lies the Head That l Bears a Crown MISERABLE LIFE OF MONARCHS nstnlty Fear Jealousy Disease und Profit per Besets MajestiesHow They Look and Act For TEE SUNDAY HERALDCopjrlghted J l I O be Happy as aKin a-Kin g W fat Wit bitter sarcasm lies S in the phrase 1 Is there any ODe 5 kW among the kings in ease the king 6 < in posse the ex kings is there ill i short any mem if bar of any of the r royal families of l today whose lo whole could be envied by any sane man or Royalty is an some minded woman 1 The magnificent anachronism in these days cent oldtime melodrama with all its pomp into a and pageantry has degenerated protagonists of puerile farce the splendid the past if they could revisit the stage oft their former glories of-t find their roles mad of shuffling players enacted by a lot men imbeciles rakes rascals or invalids who have inherited tho accumulated mental men-tal moral and bodily ailments produced by the excesses of their ancestors and by the unnatural intermarriages which would deteriorate de-teriorate the most wholesome stock HJLPPr AS A KIOI I Is the Czar of Russia happy who lives iDa iD-a perpetual dread of assassination that preys alike upon his health and his spirits until he has become hopeless bypocon driac whose nerves can only be soothed by debilitating injections of morphine Is the Prince of Wales happy who has shattered bis constitution by overindulgence in forbidden for-bidden pleasures and whe is today pointed at with the finger of scorn by the conservative conserva-tive element the very element upon which depends his chance of succeeding to the throne of England And is the good old motherly lady the commonplace but eminently emi-nently respectable martinet whose valetu dinanan existence may be prolonged with all the attended miseries of impaired digestion diges-tion beyond that of her invalid sODis Queen Victoria happy wnile scandals of all sorts assail her own household i The princely collars and cuffs may indeed be less miserable than the older and more intelligent in-telligent members of a not very intelligent family but his happiness at best is the happiness of a vacuous and almost idiotic brainwhich find its sole exhilarant innn limited champagne and in the gratification of brutal passions THE SULTAN is A HAPPT MAX sang Thackeray in a well known ballad He is happy if the Czar of Russia is happy If exKing Milan of Servia is happy if to r be consumed with a morbid fear of assassination f assassi-nation is happiness t There is no more miserable household in the world than that of the imperial family E of Austria The awful fate of Prince Rudolph Ru-dolph hangs like a black pall over his unfortunate parents Emperor Francis is t a weary and heartbroken man the empress 1 J is on tho verge of insanity She carries a doll around with her which she calls Prince t Rudolph she is full of morbid imaginings shs ives in daily fear that her husband in order to secure a direct heir to the crown may secure a divorce from her and marry again If she be half insane many of her royal cousins are wholly so There is King Otto of Bavaria who sits a driveller and a r show in the magnificent palace of Fursten reid He is usually immersed in sullen stupor puffing away at cigarette Thirty times a day ho takes a fresh cigarette I When he lights it he burns n whole box of I I matches and grins with imbecile joy at the noise and the flame Then he relapses into vacuity At rare intervals he emits a I feeble cry to be taken back to his beloved Munich He recognizes no one not the It i doctors or servants members of his own family no one save an old woman who now has charge of the silver and who was his nurse in infancy When he sees her he calls her by name and may bid her fetch t him some beer er send her on some other errand but the next moment he has forgotten for-gotten all about his order THERE IS THAT OTHER ROYAL SUFFERER l II poor Charlotta the exEmpress of Mexico IJ who is awaiting her release from a mindless 1 mind-less existence at the chateau of Borche t grave near Brussels There are rumors indeed that she is not as insane as she is r painted that she is only kept under restraint i re-straint by her royal brother King Leo pold of Belgium In order that ho may r retain control of her fortune and recoup by foul means the immense losses be sustained in the Congo Free state But these are only rumors and cannot bo substantiated sub-stantiated Dom Pedros mind is said to be partly unhinged His grandson Prince Augustm of SaxeCoburg is undeniably insane and is confined in an asylnm at Gratz in Styrla which also gives shelter to Prince Charles of Lichtenstein and the Duchess of Augustenberg motherinlaw of Wilhelm IL of Germany The Duchess of Cumberland sister of the present Czarina Czar-ina was insane for many years the Czars 4 uncle went raving mad at the autumn maneuvers last year and it is whispered that the Czarina herself is threatened with dementia that the King of Wurtemberg is queer and that the Queen of Roumania is subject to hallucinations THERE ARE TWO RULERS who though not insane are doomed to a living b liv-ing death within the walls of mysterious yet magnificent prisons on the Bosphorus One is Ismail who from 1S63 until his abdication ab Khedive of Egypt one of the most important import-ant and interesting figures in the world who even after his abdication kept himself before the public through his boundless wealth and hospitality but who to day has dropped out of tho minds and memories of everyone We have said that he was not insane He never has been adjudged so But what wild freak was It which m 1SS7 induced him to leave the security of his adopted home at La Favorite and the beautiful beauti-ful palace of King Humbert to trust himself him-self to the mercy of tho sultan at Constantinople Constanti-nople Abdul Hamid received him with open arms and permitted him to take up his residence in the palace of Ermaglan e But two days after Ismails landing the walls of the palace closed on him forever Only through aim harem whispers it k known that he is still alive We have said that his companion in misfortune was not Insane Yet it was on the pretended ground of insanity that this companion Sultan Murad the predecessor of Abdul Hamid was deposed from the throne and EIKJT uP IK A LIVING TOMB It Is true that his nerves had been shattered shat-tered by the assassination of his predecessor prede-cessor Abdul Aziz but according to the most authentic evidence his brain was never affected He incurred the dislike of the parasites of the court by instituting S economical reforms that seriously threatened threat-ened their incomes They persuaded the SheikulIslam who as the ecclesiastical head of the empire has authority in such cases to declare him insane and substitute I in his place his younger brother Abdul Hamid This was on August 311876 Ever II since that timo Murad has remained confined con-fined In the palace of Teheragan guarded by armed patrols who warn all boats from approaching within three hundred yards I of the palace What wonder If the present Sultan lives in mortal fear that the Sheik I ulIslam may at any moment proclaim that his elder brother and indeed saner brother I bas recovered his faculties and so reinstate II him on the thrcnel I THE LOT OF WILHELM IIi I II-i Germany does not at first sight seem Ito I-to ba an unhappy one In spite of an overweening I over-weening vanity and a strange pomposity I and braggadocio he has many fine and even p admirable traits But he is afflicted with I i J 0 1 the awful disease that runs In the Guelph blood One arm hangs shrivelled and helpless help-less by his side his ear has recently de YelopecTalanniBg symptoms aDd his bodily ailmentsreact upon his mind producing an unreasonable irritability which may eventually if his life be spared break out into the fury of actual madness King Humbert of Italy suffers from chronic gastritis which has Involved the loss of all his teeth His diet is limited to vegetables antepastos and fruits The only meal that thoroughly agrees with him consists of bread potatoes and oranges His beverage is a little Bordeaux mixed with plenty of water COFFEE AND CIGARS ARE STRICTLY 70R STRICTLYi BIDDEN a prohibition which cuts him off from what used to be his favorite luxuries Indeed it was to his unstinted passion for cigars chiefly of the green variety that his complaint com-plaint is chiefly due A similar overindulgence overindul-gence is responsible for the spoiled stomach stom-ach of Francis Joseph of Austria Queen Margherita has vainly attempted to follow her royal spouse in his vegetarian habits She is growing fat and flaoby but all her attempts at banting have been given up in despair for though she is distressed over her increasing obesity she cannot restrain re-strain her fondness for the fried dishes in in which tho Italian cooks exceL Neither of the child sovereigns of Europo has any assurance of a long or happy life I Little Wilhelmina is destressingly nervous and excitable The physicians fear the effect of any emotional strain on her mind As to Alphonso ho is cursed with the inheritance in-heritance a shattered constitution from his father and has developed a tendency to epilepsy King Leopold of Belgium is lame His nephew and heir apparent Prince Baudouin of Flanders is AFFECTED WIT DEAFNESS Kingly Queenly Every inch a King these too are current phrases in the popular mouth They are muttered in praise of tho bodily characteristics the personal appearance of the party under discussion Are the kings as handsome then as they are happy Just about A beauty show made up from the members of royal families would have meagre charms for the royalworshipper of beauty Emperor Em-peror Wilhelm might indeed be considered Handsome were it not for his deformity and his presence would bo dignified but for the omnipresence of a devouring conceit His consort has a pleasant face but is quite homely The Empress of Austria and the exEmpress Eugenio were once beautiful women but at best their beauty was merely physical Both are lamentably lament-ably dull even silly and their faces lack ana ever did lack the higher charm of intelligence in-telligence Peans of praise have been sung in praiso of the beauty of the Princess Prin-cess of Wales Mr and Mrs Jenkins have contorted themselves into spasms of admiration admi-ration over her Yet though an amiable and estimable lady S SEVER WAS A GREAT ItCAITTT and is now a positively homely woman She is thin almost to scrawniness her throat is seared by a scrofulous mark ill concealed by the heavy necklace that constantly con-stantly encircles it she wears a wig to cover her baldness rouges her cheeks and makes up her eyes and eyebrows She Limps in her walk and is almost stone deaf Her royal motherinlaw is the typical British matron of advanced years fat commonplace and dowdy with a general expression of snug selfcomplacency The Prince of Wales dresses well but not all the arts of the tailor can save him from realizing the famous description of the Pall Mall Gazette oa pudgy redfaced little man His daughters have indiffer ent teeth bad complexions and worse figures fig-ures and their faces are lighted up with no ray of cleverness Princess May of Teck the Queens niece who is the acknowledged beauty of the royal circle and whose charms are said to have enamored tho affections of the heirpresumptive to the thrdne has only fairly good eyes and a passable figure Her upper lip protrudes unpleasantly her nose is disproportionately large King Humbert despite a soldierly bearing is I one of the homeliest of men His Queen has fine dark eyes there her attractions cease King Leopold of Belgium in his illfitting clothes his pantaloons bagging at the knees might be taken for a prosperous prosper-ous mechanic The Czar looks like a butcher on parade Wilhelmina and Al phonso are very plain children JTHE BEST LOOKING SOVEREIGNS are Don Luis of Portugal and the Queen of Roumania Both might be called handsome hand-some but they would attract no special attention were it not for their exalted rank Have these Kings and Queens whom fate has made the rulers over nations of intelligent intelli-gent human beings have these highnesses and majesties and transparencies any mental superiority to compensate for their physical and moral defects Not at all Despite the effects of highpriced tutors despite the most careful rearing and training train-ing they are usually very stupid very tame and uninteresting folk Flatterers hang upon them and strive to magnify any gleam of intelligence they possess into a brilliant light If they perform no matter how feebly the slightest bit of intellectual work a shout of applause goes up from their dazzled and delighted subjects There have been and are artists composers and authors among the royal families But y e Gods such artists such composers such authors The Queen of Roumania is said to unite all these accomplishments in one royal mind She is undoubtedly the most intellectual intel-lectual sovereign now living We cannot judge of HER ART OR HER MUSIC but her books are incomparably superior to the books of any other of the royal authors au-thors of today Eclipse is first and the rest nowhere Some people even talk as if she were a person of genius as if her work demanded serious consideration But what is the truth about her She has a pretty fancy and some slight talent for versification Were she a plebeian her effusions might occasionally have escaped the editorial wastebasket At her best she only reaches the level of tho ordinary magazinist The Comte de Paris pretender to the French throne has produced a fairly good history of the American civil war which owes its value however rather to painstaking pains-taking diligence than to literary ability Dom Pedro is an amiable pedant of some acquired accomplishments but no native talent Queen Victoria has added to the gaiety of nations by publishing a number of volumes They have had a largo sale I But not all tho editorial and Indeed authorial ability which she called in to assist her could save them from dismal inanity This indeed is an interesting point to consider how much of the drivel which ROYAL NONENTITIES I have foisted upon the world Is original I drivel and how much is the drivel of their I underlings The late King William of Holland once composed an opera The Slavs of I Comoens which he looked upon as a This is how I masterpiece the work was put together When his majesty felt inspired in-spired he would summon his secretary and order him to seat himself at a piano Tho I King would walk up and down the room humming Suddenly he would stop and exclaim Now play this Tadada pompom ala The secretary would strum a Tew notes I an the piano Soon the King would interrupt inter-rupt Look here my friend I didnt hum pompom lala but ta dada pompom ala L The secretary would begin again Thats better the King would cry now thats something like it Keep on until you have got my tune by heart and then go and put it down on paper Then the secretary left to himself would transcribe on paper a tune of his own devising vising which next day the King would receive re-ceive with raptures and incorporate into the score Sometimes a modern royally has attempted at-tempted to find out the real value of his effusions by sending them out incoenitio The experiment has always proved disastrous disas-trous QUEEN MARGHERITA TRIED A STORY in this manner upon the editors of sundry Italian journals who rejected it with singular unanimity despatch If they bad only known wbat they were doing As the Queen is asenslblewomanishe decided bat she was not cut out for an author and armed her manuscript Wilhelm II took r F Yv s dTl a similar experience much more to heart In the days before he was emperor he sent an essay en a military subjectin a compe titionfor a prize He was present at the board of examiners What do you think of this be asked of Count Waldersee1 taking up his own manuscripts Oh trash trash muttered the count an opinion in which ho was joined by all the other examiners save only Caprivi That wily diplomat had noticed the nervous eagerness of the prince and guessed the truth He enthusiastically praised the I despised essay But tho sentiment of the others was against him It is whispered that in this anecdote may be found tho reason Caprivis elevation But we do not vouch for its authenticity THESE DE THT GODS 0 ISRAEL These are the majesties and the highnesses high-nesses the first gentlemen tho first ladies in enlightened countries which number among their citizens men and women of worth men and women of brains men and women who are a credit to their age their country and their race These are the people who are flattered toadied to and fawned upon whoso favor is sought for whose every movement is watched and chronicled vho can make and unmake with a smile But the farce is well nigh played The substance of power has passed out of the feeble and nerveless grasp of the descendants de-scendants of royal rulers The king is no longer the man who can He is a pretense a sham a shadow Already in Franco the shadow has followed the substance into oblivion ob-livion France is only a few years in advance ad-vance of the rest of Europe The days of royalty arc numbered W S WALSH |