Show MUST DANCE WELL One of the Almost Indispensables of Society WHAT TO DO AND WHAT NOT TO DO T he Proper Clothes to Wear Be a Gentleman Bat Talk About lan1o Cultivate Cul-tivate Acquaintances NEW YORK May G lSlSpecial correspondence cor-respondence of THE HEBALD The rules laid down in books of etiquette may seem preposterously elaborate and absurd to the denizens of cities and to those who have had the manual of society at their fingers ends from childhood but they again maybe like the grammar of an unknown tongue to the youth or maiden whoso life has been spent in seclusion or rustic neighborhood AS it is the aim of this unpretending volume to assist such young people a few hints to young men coming fresh from life on the plains or from an eastern or western college col-lege from any life which has separated them from the society of ladies may not be considered impertinent A young man on coming into a great city or into a new place where he is not known should try to bring a few letters of introduction intro-duction If he can bring such a letter to any lady of good social position he bus nothing further than to deliver it and if she takes him up and introduces him IIIS SOCIAL POSITION IS MADE But this good fortune cannot be commanded com-manded always or often Young men often pass through a lonely life in a great city never finding the desired opportunity But to some it comes through a friendship on the cricket ground at tho clubs or through business If a friend says tosome ladies that Tilden is a good fellow Tilden will be sought out and invited It is hardly creditable to any young man to live in a great city without knowing tile best ladies society He should seek to do so and perhaps the simplest way would be for him to ask some friend to take him about and to introduce him Once introduced Tilden should be particular not to transcend the delicate outlines of social suffrage He I must not immediately rush into an intimacy inti-macy mayA call should never be too long One hour is all that woman of tho world says should be granted to a caller This rule is A GOOD ONE role AX EVENING VISIT It is much better to have ones hostess wishing for a longer visit than to have her sigh that you should go In a first visit agentleman should always i send in his card After that he may A-dis dispense with that ceremony A gentleman for an evening visit should always be in evening dress black cloth dress coat vest and pantaloons faultless I linen and white cravat silk stockings and polished low shoes A black cravat is pense-per permissible but it is not full dress He should L carry a crush hat in his hand and a cane if he likes For dinner party a white cravat is indispensable a man must wear it then No jewelry of any kind is fashionable missible-ex excepting rings Men can hide their watch I chains in evening dress The hands should be especially cared for the nails carefully cut and trimmed No matter how big or how red the hand is the I more masculine the better Women like men to look manly as if they COULD DRIVE HOW PLAT BALL CRICKET perhaps handle the gloves A gentlemans dress should be so quiet and so perfect that it will not excite remark or attention Thackeray used to advise that a watering pot should be applied to cepting-a anew hat to take off the gloss The suspic ion of being dressed up defeats an new-other otherwise good toilette We will suppose that Tilden becomes wise-suf sufficiently well acquainted to be asked to join I a theatre party He must be punctual at the rendezvous and take whatever partner the hostess may give him but in the cast he must not offer to send a carriage that must come from the giver of the party In this eastern and western etiquette are at ficiently-vari variance as in certain cities west and south a gentleman is expected to call in a carriage and take a young lady to a party This would be ruin in Europe nor is it allowed in Boston or New York If however Til den wishes to give a theatre party HE MUST rUUXISU EVEIiTTHING He first asks a lady to chaperon his party He must arrangethat all shall meet at his room or a friends house He must charter an omnibus or sond carriages for the whole party he must buy the tickets He is then expected to invite his party to sup with him after the theatre making the feast as ance-hand handsome as his means allow This is a favorite and proper manner for a young man to return the civilities offered him It is indispensable that he should have the mother of one of the young ladies some-pres present The custom of sending such a party I with only a young chaperon has fallen properly into disrepute And it seems ent-al almost unnecessary to say so except that the offense has been committed Never should i he fcrce himself into any society or go most-any anywhere unasked Of course if taken by a lady she where-as assumes tho responsibility and it is an sumes-under understood thing that A LEADER OF SOCIETY can take a young man anywhere She i S his sponsor In the early evening a young man should wear the heavy looselyfitting English clothes now so fashionable but for an stood-after afternoon promenade with a lady or for a noon-recep reception a frock coat tightly buttoned gray pantaloons a neat tie and plain gold pin is very good form And this dress is allowed at a small tion-din dinner in the country or for a Sunday tea If men are off in the Adirondacks if ner-flan I flannel is the only wear there is no dressing for dinner but in a country house where there are guests it is better to make a full evening toilette unless the hostess gives absolution At any rate there should be some change clean linen a tresh coat Jresh shoes etc etc even in tae quiet retirement of ones own home Neatnessfrequent bathsmuch exercise in the open air these are the nel-ad admirable customs of young gentlemen of the present day If every one of them j NO MATTER HOW BUST how bard worked could come home take a warm bath and dress for dinner it would j be an admirable plan Indeed if all mirable-Amer j American men like all English men would show this attention to their wives society would be far more elegant A man always expects his wife to dress for him why should he not dress for her He is then ready for evening visits operas parties theatres wherever he may wish to go No man should sit down to a 7 oclock dinner unless freshly dressed If Tilden can afford to keep a tilbury or a dog cart and fine horses so much the bet i tel for him HM can tnlro n vnnno crrl In drive if her mamma consents but servant I should sit behind That is indispensable and the livery the whole arrangement should be elegant Tilden if he would succeed suc-ceed must not be flashy and as true refinement refine-ment comes from within let him read the noble description of Thackeray 1 WHAT is IT TO BE A GENTLEMAN Is it to be honest to bo gentle to be generous I gener-ous to be true to be brave to be wise and I prepossessing all these qualities to exercise them in the most gentle manner Ought a gentleman to be a loyal son a true husband and an honest fatherl Ought bis life to be decent his bills to be paid his tastes to be high and elegant Yes a thousand times yes I Young men who come to a great city to live are sometimes led astray by the success suc-cess of gaudy adventurers who do not fall within the lines of the above description men who got on by means of enormous impudence im-pudence selfassurance audacity and plausible ways But if they havo patience and hold to the right the gentleman will succeed and the adventurer will fail No such man lasts long Give him rope enough and he will soon hang himself It is not necessary here to refer to the etiquetteof clubs They are solfprotecting A man soon learns their rules and limitations t A MAN OF HONESTY and character seldom gets into difficulty at his club If his club rejects or pronqunces against him however it is a social stigma which it is hard to wipe out A young man should lose no opportunity of improving himself There is a fine instruction in works of art He should read and study ins hi in-s leisure hours and frequent picture gal leries and museums A young man becomes the most agreeable of companions if ho brings a keen fresh intelligence refined tastes and a desire to be agreeable into society Success in society is like electricity It manes itself felt and is yet unseen and indescribable in-describable There is such a thing as an absurd success with little merit behind it But we generally find that men have worked very hard for this sort of success I is a nice thing i a man has some accomplishment ac-complishment such as music or a pleasant trick of elocution and to be A GOOD DANCER IS ALMOST INDISPENSABLE Yet a man gets on without any of these Itis a workaday world that we live in andthe whole formation of society betrays it Then dress plainly simply and without display Their servants dress bettor than they do in a way and nothing is so distinctive distinc-tive as the dress of a gentleman It is as much a costume of nobility as if it were the velvet coat which Sir Walter Raleigh threw down before Queen Elizabeth Eliza-beth bethAnd And it may not be inappropriate hero to say a word or two as t the minor morals In addressing a note to a lady whom he does not know well Tilden should use tho third person as follows Mr Tilden presents his compliments Mrs Montgomery and begs to know if she and Miss Montgomery will honor him with their company at a theatre party in the evening of April 3d at tha Chestnut street theatre R S V P 117 South MarketPlace Market-Place This note should be SEALED WITH WAX mpressed i with the writers coat of arms or some favorite device and delivered by a private messenger who should wait for an answer In addressing a letter to a gentleman gentle-man the full title should housed Walter Tilden Esq or first name not known u j > Tilden Esqt never Mr Walter Tilden If it be an invitation it is not etiquette to say Mister In writing in the first person Tilden must not be too familiar He must make no elisions sions or con tractions bu t fll out every word and line as i it were a pleasure It is urged against us by foreigners that tho manner of men toward women partakes of the freedom of the age that they are not sufficiently respectful but if careful in 1 manner American men are the most chivalrous I chival-rous at heart At a ball a young man can ask a friend to I F present him to a lady who is chaperoning a i young girl and through her hecan be PRESENTED TO THE YOUNG GIRL No man should however introduce anther an-ther man without permission I he is presented and asks the girl to dancoa short I walk is permitted boforo he returns his i partner to the side of the chaperon But I it is bad manners for the young couple to isappear for a long time I No man should go into a supper room alone or help himself while ladies remain unhelped j I I To get on in society involves so much that can never be written down that any manual is of course imperfect for no one can predict who shall succeed and who shall fail Bold and arrogant people cheeky I people succeed at first modest ones in the long run It is a melancholy fact that the most objectionable persons do get into fash ionable i society It is to be feared that the possession of wealth is more desired than the possession of any other attribute that much is forgiven the rich man which would be RANK HERESY TO TOE POOR O EVe E-Ve would not however advise Tilden to choose his friends from tho worldly point simply either of fashion or wealth He should try to find those who are wellbred good true honorable and generous Wherever they are such people are always good society In the ranks of society however we find sometimes the ideal gentleman Society may not have produced so good a crop as it should have done yet its false aims its glittering friezes have not yet dazzled all men out ot the true the ideal breeding There are many cubs but there are some Admirable Crichtons men who can think read study work and still bo fashionable A man should go through tho fierce fires of social competition and yet not be scorched All men have not had that fine repressive training which makes our navy and army men such gentlemen The breeding breed-ing of the young men of fashion not what their grandfathers would have called good They sometimes have A SEVERE AND BORED EXPRESSION when called to give up4 a selfish pleasure One asks Where are their manners Breeding cultivation manners must start from the heart They must be fostered fos-tered and the dancing master added on The old saying that it takes three generations tions to make a gentleman makes us ask how many generations does it tako to unmake un-make one Some young and well born men seem to be undoirig the work of the three generations and to have inherited nothing of a great ancestor but his bad manners is a poor inheritance An American young man should have the best manners He has had nothing to crush him ho is unacquainted with patronage patron-age which in its way makes snobs and no one loves a snob least of all the man whom the snob cultivates Ana the word gentlemanalthough Anl one of tho best in the language should not bused e b-used too much Be a gentleman but talk about a man And a man avoids display and cultivates simplicity neatness and fitness of thingsif he is both a man and a gentleman M E W SUERWOOD |