Show DEFINITIONS BY CHILDREN The Mental Processes IJj Which They Evolve Them PiiHxeth AlI Al-I UxulcrKtniiding1 Ambrose Bierce in the San Francisco Examiner The mental processes of schoolchildren are past finding out their erroneous views of life and language a theme worn bright by handling and made fresh by exposure to the light of attention Herein Here-in below are examples kindly supplied by teachers in our public schools who gifted gift-ed with a sense of humor are not only tenderly tolerant of their pupils funny upis blunders but feel apparently an honest pride in themas who would not It would be easy to compile enough more I the set to make the Examiner a comic paper despite the pathos of Mr W Nye Immediately tions following are two composi THE DISCOVERY OF AMERICA Columbus first discovered America and the way he found I was he got three ships from a queen whorfiac1an awfully awful stingy husband for a king The boat Columbus was in was named the May flower and it landed on an island The people on this Island were natives so Columbus called it America When he was there the natives would not give him enough to eat so he told them there was going to be a eclipse and that it was going to take the light away from them because they would not give him enough to eat When they heard this they ran around and got all kinds of nice things as fast as they could THE EXPRESIDENTS VISIT TO X Harrison is a nice man and he came to X one evening when all the schoolchildren school-children were to meet him He went to the springs and had a nice time One day he was hunting and they say he killed lots but I hope they treated him good and gave him all the water he could drink Following is a bright pupils demonstration demon-stration of the sphericity of the earth which ought to convince even the Rev John Jasper and remove the last vestige of doubt from the mind of Professor Hol denAt At first people thought the earth was square but Columbus tramped around i till he knew it was round Here are some definitions with In some instances examples of the correct use of the defined words The snow line is a line built to keep snow from falling on top of the railroad cars and crushing people beneath A matron is a woman who buys vegetables vege-tables for a boarding house Panic means to mourn with pain Suffocate means to feel unhappy Cringes means tangle up your feet J Adams Esq means he Is an Es quimau Legatee is one to whom legs are given Stimulated means moved He stimulated stimulat-ed the chair te Decrepit means broken The bread wa decrepit Inviolate means uninjured He was inviolate in-violate when we picked him up Corps means a body of men and core the inside of the body of a man A husbandman is a man thats got a wife Vicissitudes means changes She vicissitudes vicis-situdes her seat every week Carnage means slaughter He will car nage the ox Relic ireans fit The man had a relic In each of the following instances the pupil was requested simply to write a sentence sen-tence containing a given word The word that was given is in most of the resulting sentences obvious to the reader The panic was juicy We sat beneath the lugubrious trees The soldiers loaded lugbrious The girl was detached and taken secie Do not come near he is filled wlih craving Sh had a compli ance The rattlesnake is a poisoning animal ani-mal He looked sick in the romance They animated with joy He was filled with agility He was full of disconsolate He had panes in his legs He covered the boy with allegory A terrible frenzy pa sed by She wore trappings at the party He did not have an existence The animals ani-mals of Africa live in the tops of large trees The girl pranced and launched for gr jo1iy notes were a trifle wild at this point it is possible that the word italicised in that sentence should b lunched Let us proceed A scarlet girl sat by the hearth Lafav ette was the first man to decide to build the Bunker Hill monument and he carried car-ried it all the wav from France Smyrna Is a seaport and is built of dried figs The Hottentots are oases of Asia The do aint go no virtue He broke his nostrils nos-trils That is a breeze of great sobriety Savages are wild people that run with animals an-imals and dont know nothing Ho satin sat-in the swarthy twilight She gave him a flog The Indian howls dismally She thrilled a song The ermine was full of queens The millet sailed proudly away The dot had tranquil teeth Yes dear after the dog had 1 ked them in the mans leg and forgottc e combination combi-nation Soldiers often have rosin for food The girls cold curdled Bittern is good feed for horses Polyp Is a nick name given to the people wHo live in Polynesia The army ar-my flickered when they heard the guns He was pyramidal shaped The north winds blew all the time in California and they come from Japan He was the moralist mor-alist for the dead The house was preg nant with people That is his paternal mother He fell asunder The man died rigidly Her tears were inanimate That old man is a swain There Is a violent smell in the room Twas tumultuously true Two Important exports of California are telephones His shoes tweaked oft the floor He miraculously ran away The man communed the morning air The exports of China rre Chinese The cow is a native vegetable of TCorth America Am-erica Now i we have among us an adult humorist who by taking thought can equal the easy and extemporaneous performances per-formances of these wee folk of the public pub-lic schools let him bind about his brow with a wet towel put his legs into sub tabular confusion evict his tongue and In the sweat of his face earn bread |