Show NYE AS I PUNTIST Plunk and a Smile hut the Lat anl ter was not His MPRESSIOJiS OF OSCAR WILDE The Vinesar IIHl IJelsarte Class TliJnlvS Inspired In-spired by the Great Masters Teachings Imported ami Domestic Etiquette For TiE SUNDAY HER TD By special arrange inert with the author Art should Interest bv the tme Art should move by the beautiful Art should persuade by limo good r EhouKl intercbl by the true to illumine the in tclligenco Mere by the beautiful t regenerate the life Iensmummdo by the good to perfect the heart Dsisarto One beautifjil day in July last I floated along down the bosom of the Thames in a hroivn study also in a canoe that had tried the sunlit waters of nearly every American river before it came to visit this quiet but rather noted English strcam Harry Welcome paddled and I smoked an American cigar I did not paddle for tho reason that I do not know how I enjoy industry but there arc lines of industry with which I am not familiar This is one of them To paddle pad-dle a birch bark canoe so that it will run traight is not an industry however I is an art Punting seemed to bo more in my line Punting looks more simple Bunting on the Thames is conducted by leans of long polo and a flat bottomed gondola The puntist rams this pole into tho bottom bot-tom of the river and by a dextrous push ends the boat along at an even and de ghtful gait I had poled a raft on tho upper Mississippi broken a jam and been a director on a rope ferry twentyfive years ago so I knexr enough of aquatic aqua-tic to punt I should say Mr Fisher said I might punt awhile so he yielded his place to me I rose to my full height and as I did s baring my brow t the 5 oft kiss of the clover scented afternoon I was recognized by other Americans who I were assisting me last summer in making mak-ing times easy in Paris and also in bring jug about an era of prosperity in London A round of applause greeted me from along tho river bank also for I am al most as well known abroad as I am in nil own country and in fact all summer sum-mer long it n nip and tuck between me and old Bouillon Jay to see which would get the most press notices So I bowed a Delsarto bow and spat on my hands in a languid way Another An-other burst of applause that echoed down past the lock and out toward lampton cut swelled my heart with a pardonable pride as I raised the punt pole high in air and socked it into tho b irunette bosom of the historical steam die swift and rather slick craft shot away with its gay and well dressed burden I bur-den but I did not join them I remained di The has stick punt pole a tendency to in i the clay bottom of the Thames but I did not know this Clinging tho pole of course I missed my connection with I the boat and a loud plunk followed by I a merry peal of laughter closed tho sad I scene I did not furnish the laughter I 1 supplied the plunk < A beautiful but rather impulsive dog belonging to Ir Sheldon plunged iir and saved my life lie dragged me out on the hank by my clothing as hu t thought no doubt but my clothing was not so thick as he had supposed That is i if a dog ever supposes So I will always al-ways carry the marks of that rescue even to my grave Dogs are very intelligent i intel-ligent animals but they do not know always al-ways to a dead moral certainty whether one has his winter or summer flan nuls on Punting is a very healthful exercise but one should have a set of dry clothing at hand so that he may changeas soon as hp gets his punting done But I started out to say that among the faces I seemed to recognize was one that was very English and yet I thought I had seen it in America I was the face of a man of forty odd I would say I was tho face of a very homely woman on the shoulders and body of a man The features were as plain as those of a hippopotamus in repose but when lighted light-ed up with a smile they were as beautiful beauti-ful as those of a pariah The hair was abundant and about the color of maple carmel that has been exposed to the c cleincnts all summer I had evidently been worn long but had been cut off at the neck by l means of a pinking iron and a set of burglars tools His complexion was opaque and his teeth hung in rich clusters on the outside his mouth when he wniled KG wpre an Eton cap and lolled l back in the canoe while a talented hired I man at three bob a day and a shandy gaff paddled the frail hark along the Thames and exhibited this gift d curiosity to the wondering crowd The gifted curiosity was Oscar Wide I lj j4r iO 5 I d 1 l J J t 1 R I f VI m th K i f4sv1mb f I vFt I S Wj t < f I I af l f + i J I t r = I = r i m J Jrf V t 1 f = I 2AISED THE TUXT POLE 1IICJII UP IN AlE I asset him in the territories twelve oi thirteen years ago I think lie wore more of a cmsillmsro at that time Sine then he has stuffed a sofa pillow with it His hair at that time clustered around a liorsos fnce apparently and he wore i genuine store sombrero Itwas too new to look comfortable a IIB had bought i i at Tie Siding Oc wore a liver colored cravat and a look of intense melancholy I gave him a largo green and gold card of mine printed in our new job office by n bright young artist who had fed two or three of his most desirable fingers to our large bluo job press while trying to pick a dogder out from among its back teeth Mr Wide sid Ahl I said we have a beautiful climate here and then he re panted his former fltatement 1 1 said YTou can trust me Oscar Ill wi I-ll notbetray you What you say will be as between man and man I you do not want if printed and would like top kee to-p it in the background and finally riin for office and give us a safe Harrison son administration for instance u free from turmoil a a great gob of oatmeal l mush in a weary land I will respect your wishes He again abed and producing a large silk handkerchief the color of this coating coat-ing to the stomach of an habitual drunkard drunk-ard he wiped his wide waste of nose Then he went in the cat amid fastened the door to indicate that the interview was at an end endtl iAt J JM f mrm t y J 1 f i 1 k I l HI h 11 r w 1 j NIt 1 L I ttJ f 6 t Yv lI > J liJ kl J 4l 2 W m = J I I GAVE HIM JIY CAKD Since then I have always regarded i Oscar Wilde as a greatly overestimated I man manBut But art is not dead even though Oscar Wide has had his hair cut by means of a can opener and now the great Delsarte movement or cult is sweeping the country coun-try like a besom of wrath I was going to say but I hato to use the word besom at this time without consulting some authorities au-thorities regarding its meaning We have a Delsarte movement on Vinegar Hill I had long felt the need of such a movement and so heartily joined it Early association with Black feet and Flathead Indians and a course of training afterward as a farm hand had given me a plebeian manner in so iety which were sadly out of keeping vith ray pregnant mind The Delsarte chool teaches us cultivate friendly re ations between tho mind and body that good breeding is not shown by au arti El ciul cultivation Of course we have only advanced a little in our Vinegar Hill class but we are getting on to tho scheme as you might say We are all e inthusiasm and earnestness We have got some books and we can already fall down two flights of stairs without injuring injur-ing them We are also enabled to analyze motion moton and physical displacements and niuscu lat disintegrations We can also relax L likewise devitalize ourselves and al though we decompose there are as yet no flies on us Browning says you know W hat Is ho but a brute iVhost flesh hath soul to suit Who spirit works Itat anas and legs want play f T < > lan propose this tet Thy body lt its best how far can that project thy reel on its lone way Wo are engaged now in the analysis physical motion All motion of the body o > v limbs is eloquent if wo will pay atten ion Art comes to our aid and lets us il i on the ground floor The higher olin c ation opens up a mighty vista in this direction all new and untrodden I shows us that what we thought for instance in-stance a courteous bow was after all a poorly concealed insult We fee now hat it was a reluctant compliance with Sa n old custom Instead of meaning I icknowledgo your worth and lower my colors to your superiority it means that comply with the statutes in such case made and provided and I externally bow to you while internally biting my t thumb at you I simply bow in u way to t convince bystanders that I am a gentleman gen-tleman whether you are or not That is not true art That i Elevated Railroad etiquette bow with string t o i The higher education is really a refined and durable style of Christianity I t is the kind that teaches us things which will not only be of use to us here but also aid us in entertaining an angel unawares What would some of ou Elevated Rail road gentlemen do even if only a male atgel dropped in to spend the evening or if one of them tried to rile down with him l from Harem to City Hal He would step on the wings of a beraph and jab j his wet umbrella into the ribs of the heavenly I host i they stood in his way We learn here that each organ of the body has its significance and meaning when we come to analyze people and their conduct toward us from day today to-day s The head we will say is the mental men-tal division If I bow tliu head only to you I signify that I lower my wisdom or ufental jag to yours I say externally at least You know more than I do I may bean inferior order of knowledge but l we will let that go I bow to you to signify that I recognize your wonderful ability such as it is You then return the bow by giving a similar one which means 0 no row partner Come olr Come oif That is a mistake You are iny mental superior and s here is your old bow returned re-turned with thanks To go still farther if I bow moro extensively ex-tensively involving the entire body or torso as we call it I say by this action I am highly inferior to you mentally and physically Your eyes are a the diamonds bright but mine are dull as lead I therefore lower my eyes to yours and douse my ocular peak to jour Your hair is superior in quality and knocks mH silly as to quantity I therefore there-fore lower my hair to you I also recognise that my other features when coniiyirel with yours look like a misunderstanding mis-understanding in rise house of representatives represent-atives I therefore make an obeisance with my other features My voice also lacks the timbre andother building material ma-terial to he found in yours and GO I how ray voice My heart and all it wealth of rich war ifTection I place at you feet I also bow my sluggish and inferior in-ferior liver out of respect to your active and self reliant liver I bow my gnstri works also knowing how poor they arc and how unreliable and prone to keep me awake of nights I therefore bow my entire ystcm of assimilation mastication mastica-tion digestion chyliflcation chymifi cation lactificatiou gastrideation bilifi cation pancrification deglutition dentition den-tition ossification and perspiration t yours Those arc the language of the deep and earnest bow I I bo the subject of an irritable monarch whose wife make head cheese every fall sufficient to las through tho winter 1 how myself still more and become entirely prone thereby indicating this Your Most Noble and Royal Corpulency knock under to your nib You are my superior in regard re-gard to numbers and I humiliate myself rather thanxba in the soup or get my head cut off while still in its sins I yield to thee thou royal apoplectic polygamous reptile on thy fathers side because havent money enough to take use to America I root in the sand at thy august and ponderous feet rather than be beheaded in order that thy multitudinous mul-titudinous wife may make head cheese for tho neighbor AU physical actions have their signifi cance if we know how to analyze them properly and our Vinegar Hill Delsarto class is but there gently firmly getting as Rufus Chqate used to eay In a short letter like this I cannot do the subject justice but possibly at another an-other time if tho public demands it and keeps on clamoring for i I may write more on this all engrossing theme How interesting it is for instance to study the genesis of a physical movement We will say that you come to me when I am vary very busy and you forget to go away owing to a laiwo of memory which has also interfered with your recollection of the 5 you borrowed two years ago and you talk to me about yourself all the time when I want you to talkabout me and interest me or else go away and let me work Well a thought wave in my central office goes over to the operator and writes out a red message which scot along the main Hue of the spinal column flashes in the eye tells the biceps and muscles of the forearm to open the door darts along the sciatic nerve and tells the muscles and tarsal and metatarsal Innes to bo on hand or ou foot rather and I then more in sorrow than in anger kick you down stairs What does this mean Why it means I consider myself my-self your superior I feel above you I dislike you in some respects I do this to indicate it Socially you are not my equal I take this step in order to call your attention to it This is higher education C |